i can't tell who's crazier, me or my bf

i can't see things ever improving. the whole thing makes me want to **** ******. had an argument with my bf again. a pretty bad one. at one point he tried to drag me off the sofa and i just instinctively kicked him. pretty hard. i didn't mean to. i can't stop thinking about it. idk, i feel like something's wrong with him. he's not himself. is it possible to suddenly develop a mental health illness when you're an adult?

he thinks i'm the crazy one. sometimes he jokes about killing me because he's so sick of me. i know 100% that he'd never seriously hurt me but it's weird when he does it. he's actually the kindest, most caring guy i've ever been with, but i'm sick of our never ending arguments. sometimes it feels like we're both possessed. i can't think of any other way to describe it. every time i post about my relationship people say that it's 'toxic'. when i read my posts, i kinda feel the same way, too. but in real life, it doesn't seem half as bad? i'm not always upset, sometimes our relationship is amazing? so it makes no sense. is my brain exaggerating everything because i'm still kinda upset about the whole thing?

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Reply 1

Hudds999

I think calling this relationship ‘toxic’ would be a bit of an understatement. ‘Sometimes he jokes about killing me’. I mean come on mate, is this really what you want?

Reply 2

Ciel.

Original post by Hudds999

I think calling this relationship ‘toxic’ would be a bit of an understatement. ‘Sometimes he jokes about killing me’. I mean come on mate, is this really what you want?

he'd never hurt me though. i'm not scared of him. i think it's partially because of the lockdown, it's driving him crazy. it's driving us both crazy.

Reply 3

username5347244

I'm sorry to hear you guys aren't doing well. :console:

Have you ever thought about couples therapy?

Reply 4

Mr T 999

You keep creating these threads about your toxic BF it seems attention seeking now.

Reply 5

Ciel.

Original post by sunny.side.up

I'm sorry to hear you guys aren't doing well. :console:

Have you ever thought about couples therapy?

i'm not really a fan of 'talk' therapy tbh. and he'd never agree to it in any event ..

Reply 6

username5347244

Original post by Ciel.

i'm not really a fan of 'talk' therapy tbh. and he'd never agree to it in any event ..

Oh.

Reply 7

Ciel.

Original post by Mr T 999

You keep creating these threads about your toxic BF it seems attention seeking now.

feel free to ignore them? sometimes i just feel like i have to talk about whatever is bothering me, i can't help it. it's not like i can tell anyone irl, they'd probably get the wrong idea and freak out.

Reply 8

Lexiedoodle01

if he really loved you he would never hurt you x

Reply 9

CaptainDuckie

Study Forum Helper

I tried helping you last time but you told me not to intervene with your life. So I’m not going to.

Reply 10

Lexiedoodle01

Original post by CaptainDuckie

I tried helping you last time but you told me not to intervene with your life. So I’m not going to.

r u talking to me lol

Reply 11

Foxehh

Toxic relationships may sound fine in the moment but not so great when you think back on them ( ie you reading back your posts ). Even if he and you might not be toxic in general, it surely seems that your toxic for each other. Thats something that simply cannot be fixed.

If you dont think this relationship is getting any better, why stay?

Reply 12

CaptainDuckie

Study Forum Helper

Original post by Lexiedoodle01

r u talking to me lol

Nah, Ciel.

Reply 13

luvinthedark

you're just gonna get the same answers over and over again. you've made threads about this before and you've always got the same replies, we can't all be wrong.

Reply 14

Ciel.

Original post by CaptainDuckie

I tried helping you last time but you told me not to intervene with your life. So I’m not going to.

what could you possibly do to 'help' me? nothing.

Original post by LovelyMrFox

because the alternative is even worse.

Original post by khadijaaaxxxx

you're just gonna get the same answers over and over again. you've made threads about this before and you've always got the same replies, we can't all be wrong.

yeah, i'll probably stop posting about our relationship problems. i'm too impulsive.

Reply 15

luvinthedark

Original post by Ciel.

what could you possibly do to 'help' me? nothing.

because the alternative is even worse.

yeah, i'll probably stop posting about our relationship problems. i'm too impulsive.

if you don't mind me asking, what's the "alternative" ?

Reply 16

Foxehh

Original post by Ciel.

because the alternative is even worse.

Why is that?
I predict that somewhere along the timeline one of you is going to dump the other. May as well make it sooner rather than later, no need to keep yourself in this situation.

Reply 17

Ciel.

Original post by khadijaaaxxxx

if you don't mind me asking, what's the "alternative" ?

sex work.

Original post by LovelyMrFox

Why is that?
I predict that somewhere along the timeline one of you is going to dump the other. May as well make it sooner rather than later, no need to keep yourself in this situation.

see above. i just feel like it would destroy my mental health, or what's left of it, lol.

Reply 18

luvinthedark

Original post by Ciel.

sex work.

see above. i just feel like it would destroy my mental health, or what's left of it, lol.

can you not get a job then?
one that isn't sex related :redface:

Reply 19

Foxehh

Original post by Ciel.

sex work.

see above. i just feel like it would destroy my mental health, or what's left of it, lol.

I dont know your situation obviously but if you think its going to wreck your mental health, surely you could find something else?
Short term perhaps but long term you'll be better off.