Why cant I talk to people in front of my "School" friends?

Right, I was at the pub this evening with a group of people that I have been friends with since year 7, some of them since primary school. A girl was there that I have liked for ages who I really wanted to talk to but I find myself whenever Im with these people being really quiet in front of other people outside of the group.

I was pretty much mute at school and whenever Im with this group of people I find myself climbing back into the same shell that I was in until I started college and got a different group of friends... I really dont know what causes this because when im amongst my other groups of friends from work Im a pretty chatty person and will talk to most people.

Does anyone else find this? subconceously acting differently infront of different circles of friends?

Just want to see if its just me being weird or not..

Reply 1

atheistwithfaith

14

Its actually very normal to be a "social chameleon" and change the way you act based on what you think the group of people you are with are expecting.

Reply 2

Adhsur

15

I totally get what you mean and I find it happens to me sometimes too. It's usually because we generally tend to be different people around different groups (family members, partners, different sets of friends) so when these groups merge it's difficult to know how to act. It's really strange but it's a common phenomenon to feel awkward because people are watching you with your fixed character (as they know it) in mind, so it is more difficult to act any different or act like yourself. This is the beauty of making new friendships and going to new places - you can practically reinvent yourself.

I remember when I was at primary/middle school I was known as the shy one, and that in itself made it very difficult to break out of. However, I ended up finding friends who have never seen me as shy. I'd still feel awkward in front of the original friends though! You need to remember to stay focussed on what YOU think of yourself and your character, not what others do. Be yourself, and be how you want to be. No one can ever snigger or tell you off just or acting unlike how THEY expected.

Reply 3

Profesh

20

Adhsur

I totally get what you mean and I find it happens to me sometimes too. It's usually because we generally tend to be different people around different groups (family members, partners, different sets of friends) so when these groups merge it's difficult to know how to act. It's really strange but it's a common phenomenon to feel awkward because people are watching you with your fixed character (as they know it) in mind, so it is more difficult to act any different or act like yourself. This is the beauty of making new friendships and going to new places - you can practically reinvent yourself.

I remember when I was at primary/middle school I was known as the shy one, and that in itself made it very difficult to break out of. However, I ended up finding friends who have never seen me as shy. I'd still feel awkward in front of the original friends though! You need to remember to stay focussed on what YOU think of yourself and your character, not what others do. Be yourself, and be how you want to be. No one can ever snigger or tell you off just or acting unlike how THEY expected.

I second this.

Reply 4

Unicorn_Dream

OP you are not weird at all, I do this ALL THE TIME. Well, I know I have to get on with people whom I don't like, so when I am with people whom I like as real friends I am truly happy (other times are just acting really)

Reply 5

Ant24

Adhsur

I totally get what you mean and I find it happens to me sometimes too. It's usually because we generally tend to be different people around different groups (family members, partners, different sets of friends) so when these groups merge it's difficult to know how to act. It's really strange but it's a common phenomenon to feel awkward because people are watching you with your fixed character (as they know it) in mind, so it is more difficult to act any different or act like yourself. This is the beauty of making new friendships and going to new places - you can practically reinvent yourself.

I remember when I was at primary/middle school I was known as the shy one, and that in itself made it very difficult to break out of. However, I ended up finding friends who have never seen me as shy. I'd still feel awkward in front of the original friends though! You need to remember to stay focussed on what YOU think of yourself and your character, not what others do. Be yourself, and be how you want to be. No one can ever snigger or tell you off just or acting unlike how THEY expected.

Well said. +Rep

3rd'ed. You have to admit that once people expect you to be a certain way, if u dont pur in alot of effort to be different, it's far too easy to slip back into that behaviour.

OP I do the same. I guess its down to us to make the extra effort to be the person we want to be :smile:

Reply 6

jelly1000

21

I always found it so much easier to talk to the guy I liked when it was just me & him, never in front of others. The last time I saw him I was with quite a few other people so I kinda clammed up and didnt know what to say, which basically ruined everything between us.

Reply 7

d123

17

I do this too.

Why cant I talk to people in front of my "School" friends?

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