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help! what do I use as an excuse for not seeing this stalker??

please no joke answers- i need some serious advice

Im living alone (well with roomates) in germany and im 18- so i am aware im in a vulnerable position so its important to me that I keep safe

I was looking for a flat (thats another story) and this guy replied to my ad. When he said, sorry my roomates chosen someone else, he offered to give me the room for the last 10 days of september (even though I said I needed a room from november) and then offered to let me use his hotel room- I said thanks but no thanks (I already thought he was a bit weird at this point- who offers to let a complete stranger use a hotel room they have even when their not there??)

the next thing is- he offers to meet up since im new here- I did this before so I said alright (thinking we go for a drink/coffee) but his suggestion is- we go to a sauna. I thought this was really weird and thought- I dont want to meet someone for the first time in a swimming costume..
also weird was- he keeps sending like 3 emails at a time or when he called he called twice in the space of an hour. he also asked things like 'when should i contact you next?'...um..when you next have something to say??

I originally considered going to this sauna before I really got a bad vibe from him and said- can we got next week instead of 2 days later because id need to buy a swimming costume- he didnt say anything then, but just sent me an email now saying this:

As an American, I was irritated and even shocked the first few times but now I find it to be liberating and invigourating.
It would be an experience for you so just see how "natural" it all is, how natural our bodies are and how naturally we deal with them.
It is something that is affordable and accessible here. In the UK or USA you would get it of course in very private, expensive clubs and the whole sauna scene is more or less not mixed but more either sex or gay ( actually both). in germany, it is everything but sex .
I guess just knowing you were English ( or if you were American, Canadian, Australian or Irish) made me wamnt to introduce you to an extremely satisfying pasttime here.

I hope that you are interested. I would love to show you them. We could also go away for a weekend if you would fancy that.
I am not looking for a plaything, a lover or an affair. I just want to show you a thing to experience when you arein Germany.
Here are a few photos so that you can at least get an idea of who this guy is that calls and writes you.
Look forward to hearing from you.

.. which I think speaks for itself- I already made up my mind not to see him at all since he seems realllyy weird and i want to find an excuse not to talk to him again at all

so I need your help- should I make up some excuse and if so what? or should I just not answer this or any future emails?
I cant say Im moving out of the city- because I still need to have the ad up
also- he has my phone number bc its on the ad- should I get my roomates to ask whose calling an say im not here/no longer live here if its him?

help would be much appreciated!!

Reply 1

Creative

10

Tell him to f*** himself. If you're getting bad vibes, don't make a bad decision. Sounds like you don't trust him and you don't want to go. :wink:

.

Erm..excuses, improvise.. that or tell him you just don't want to go. Tell your roomies to tell him to leave you alone :p:

.

Reply 2

Pisswinkles

Dear LORD. Just don't reply to anything he ever sends ever ever.

Reply 3

silk192

14

why should you need an excuse? he's stalking you, that enough for an excuse

Reply 4

~nat~

1

This guy sounds extremely weird,as you already know, and you need to keep well away. Ideally, you need to change your phone number. If you need to keep looking for a new flat, can you do it in a way that doesn't involve giving away your phone number, e.g. through some third party agent or website?

Reply 5

Afrodisiac

6

tell him your big strong dangerous boyfriend is doesnt want him anywhere near you...?

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

i need an excuse because if I just ignored him he would carry on emailing and phoning and I just want him to p*ss off

I dont want to be honest and say 'I dont want to meet up with a strange man twice my age who isnt doing very well if he doesnt want to give me the impression he is trying to get me into bed'

because I dont want to provoke him. I asked my mum about this- whether it would be better to explain that he comes across like that even if it honestly wasnt meant (which does seem to be the case now) bc my priority has to be to keep safe

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

~nat~

This guy sounds extremely weird,as you already know, and you need to keep well away. Ideally, you need to change your phone number. If you need to keep looking for a new flat, can you do it in a way that doesn't involve giving away your phone number, e.g. through some third party agent or website?

do you think its really bad enough for me to have to change my phone number?
I cant really change it since it belongs to 7 other people as well :s-smilie:

he doesnt know what I look like- he knows my 2 numbers and my full name but no other personal info

apart from the fact that im 18- a good half his age judging by the pictures he sent of himself (yes he sent pictures)

Reply 8

Laen

I think his general weirdness is excuse enough. Just ignore him, any response could just encourage him.

You can block his number/email if you don't wangt to change yours.

Reply 9

cerise

What a creep. Be extremely frank and firm. Tell him you're not interested and to cease contacting you. Explain that your parents are also aware of the situation and do not condone anything of that nature.

Don't sugarcoat anything in an attempt to be polite either, it can easily be construed for a flaccid character.

Reply 10

2Av

1

woah..hes defintely after something! i'd say avoid, if neccessary try block his number and email (divert to junk) if emails becomes threats, seeks police protection. good thing you brought this up here, who knows what may happen.

Reply 11

Celery Jon

yeah, good thing you brought it up here. I'd say just go for the sauna thing, what's the worst that could happen?

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

how do I block his email and phone number?
ive already put his email address in junk

Reply 13

RedheadRose

What?! No, don't go to the sauna thing!! He sounds like a complete weirdo. Who asks someone theyve never met to go to a sauna?!!Someone who says "It would be an experience for you so just see how "natural" it all is, how natural our bodies are and how naturally we deal with them." is not quite right in the mind. Seriously, i would stay clear of him and if u DID decide to go at least take a friend as an emergency getaway just in case anything did happen. But seriously, he sounds real dodgy and i would advise u to, like some other people have said, just be really firm and then block his number and email. good luck!

Reply 14

2Av

1

^ yeah, true, him asking you to go to the sauna..i believe is an excuse to see 'parts of your body' later on. I've been to saunas before, i know how it goes when you get ready for sauna and afterwards..(common sense). i have a gay friend and he asked the same thing (gym) as they provide jaccuzi and saunas and tried to use that excuse.

As for blocking number, wouldnt the person on the other line find out you blocked him? As in..calling you. hopefully he doesn't know where you live..

I suppose its better to block than to have him ringing you maybe 15 times repeatedly.. not sure how to block numbers if it was on mobile.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

RedheadRose

What?! No, don't go to the sauna thing!! He sounds like a complete weirdo. Who asks someone theyve never met to go to a sauna?!!Someone who says "It would be an experience for you so just see how "natural" it all is, how natural our bodies are and how naturally we deal with them." is not quite right in the mind. Seriously, i would stay clear of him and if u DID decide to go at least take a friend as an emergency getaway just in case anything did happen. But seriously, he sounds real dodgy and i would advise u to, like some other people have said, just be really firm and then block his number and email. good luck!

dont worry- i have absolutely no intention of meeting him at all!

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

2Av

^ yeah, true, him asking you to go to the sauna..i believe is an excuse to see 'parts of your body' later on. I've been to saunas before, i know how it goes when you get ready for sauna and afterwards..(common sense). i have a gay friend and he asked the same thing (gym) as they provide jaccuzi and saunas and tried to use that excuse.

As for blocking number, wouldnt the person on the other line find out you blocked him? As in..calling you. hopefully he doesn't know where you live..

I suppose its better to block than to have him ringing you maybe 15 times repeatedly.. not sure how to block numbers if it was on mobile.

i thought it was pretty weird that he wanted us to doing something in our bathing costumes the first time we met or go for a massage together- let alone doing something together naked!!

Well mobiles no problem- I can see the number- its only that if someone forgets to look on our house phone they would have to remember with 'men with english accents' to say im not home

my mum thinks I should just tell him I dont want him to contact me again and not give a reason (as opposed to make up a reason/ignore)

what do people think?

Reply 17

Ilios_Lampros

8

just say that you feel uncomfortable about the idea because your boyfriend objects... and then see how he reacts...

Reply 18

ells90

"I have herpes"

That should do it.

Reply 19

Anonymous #2

When you find the answer, let me know. I went to work in Switzerland, and one of my colleagues (30 years older than me) became obsessed with me. This was in 2005. I left the country that same year, and for the past 3 years, despite NO communication, responses or replies from me, I still receive texts, emails and phone calls every day, asking why I'm ignoring him and all he wants is to be my friend.

I'm carrying on ignoring him, I've changed my number - but still have the old phone and can see he's still trying to communicate with me. 3 years of silence have done nothing to make him back the ****** off, and tbh (this is probably bad) but I'm so used to it now I don't even find it intrusive.

I'm hoping one day he'll just give up, but sometimes it does make me feel uneasy. Especially as I move from country to country a lot - am sometimes a little worried that one day he'll have tracked me down to somewhere...

help! what do I use as an excuse for not seeing this stalker??

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