A warning to people in this forum

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Anonymous #1
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A while back I posted about a relationship I had just started with a woman. I posted about how she had been cheated on by her ex and how she continually mentioned this to me and wanted me to keep promising that I would never cheat on her, almost on a daily basis.

The replies that I got then were mostly negative and I received comments like "this is a red flag" and "get out while you can". These replies made me feel very bad about the relationship and I considered ending it even though she was the most amazing woman that I had ever met.

Jump to now and I am married to this woman and I am the happiest that I have ever been in my life. She is as amazing now as she was when I first met her and she has explained since how the experience with her ex affected her extremely badly and apologised for the way she acted to me.

Today I thought about the beginning of the relationship and how close I was to ending it - it made me shudder to think that a few random people who I had never met could have stopped my life turning out the way it has.
Here's what I think : relationships can be very complicated and a paragraph on a website is not enough to decide that someone should end their relationship. If you do reply to someone you've never met online then please remember that these are real lives that you could be helping or in my case, almost ruining.
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ageshallnot
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#2
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So why did you post on here??? Why did you expect to get good advice from a group of strangers overwhelmingly made up of students and schoolchildren?
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Theloniouss
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I think you're right that listening to the advice given on a relationship forum is a bad idea, but you seem to be blaming the users and not the fools who think that strangers on the internet should be deciding the future of their relationship. Of course the advice isn't always right - as you've said, a paragraph isn't enough information to decide how a relationship will end - but whose fault is that, the author or the readers?
Last edited by Theloniouss; 2 months ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ageshallnot)
So why did you post on here??? Why did you expect to get good advice from a group of strangers overwhelmingly made up of students and schoolchildren?
Obviously I shouldn't have done. I was a student and I wanted advice from like minded people but it was a big mistake to post here. But that wasn't my point in this thread.
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zKlown
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Tbh man, if you're taking 100% of your advice from strangers on the internet, then this should serve more of a warning to yourself.
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PhoenixRose338
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You don't have to use the advice given here. It can help you to see both sides of the decision, but definitely make your own mind up because we do not know everything about you. Users can only make a judgement based on what you've said, so only take their replies as suggestions.
And congratulations, I'm glad everything worked out well for you
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StriderHort
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Your anon warning will sink like a stone. Follow your own advice.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Theloniouss)
but whose fault is that, the author or the readers?
Both in my opinion. Giving advice is fine but telling a stranger to end their relationship is wrong.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by StriderHort)
Your anon warning will sink like a stone. Follow your own advice.
What do you mean?
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OceanCat
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The OP should know that in one paragraph he/she cannot portray their entire life either.
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Theloniouss
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Both in my opinion. Giving advice is fine but telling a stranger to end their relationship is wrong.
When your post is about how your girlfriend has serious trust issues and little else, what advice are you expecting? "Sounds great! I envy your relationship"? If you can't tell someone their relationship is likely to end badly (and that they should therefore break up), you can't give advice.
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nathansdad
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ok and?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Theloniouss)
If you can't tell someone their relationship is likely to end badly (and that they should therefore break up), you can't give advice.
Why not? Have there been scientific studies to show how trust issues normally lead to bad relationships?
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Theloniouss
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Why not? Have there been scientific studies to show how trust issues normally lead to bad relationships?
No idea, but it's patently obvious that trust issues lead to bad relationships (because trust issues = lack of trust = bad relationship). You're really suggesting that trust issues don't make a relationship worse?
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GabiAbi84
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Why not? Have there been scientific studies to show how trust issues normally lead to bad relationships?
Ummm...yes, plenty of them.
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DiddyDec
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Why not? Have there been scientific studies to show how trust issues normally lead to bad relationships?
Yes, trust is quite literally the foundation of any good relationship.
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candydiva
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#17
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I dunno y anyone would literally enact the suggestions from an internet board! I can see taking some temperature and just maybe there will be replies with perspectives the OP hadn't thought about but I agree acting on these suggestions is mostly insane.. most of the time it's "dump him/her" etc.
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Ciel.
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lol, who would destroy their relationship over some internet advice anyway.
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LovelyMrFox
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#19
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Many users on this forum seem to just jump onto the bandwagon of whatever advice the first response gives. Which makes sense seeing as its a student forum full of teenagers.. What do you expect?
I find it ridiculous that you would ever blindly follow what anyone here says in the first place, you should be able to make up your own opinion on your own relationship.
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username5455976
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#20
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(Original post by Anonymous)
A while back I posted about a relationship I had just started with a woman. I posted about how she had been cheated on by her ex and how she continually mentioned this to me and wanted me to keep promising that I would never cheat on her, almost on a daily basis.

The replies that I got then were mostly negative and I received comments like "this is a red flag" and "get out while you can". These replies made me feel very bad about the relationship and I considered ending it even though she was the most amazing woman that I had ever met.

Jump to now and I am married to this woman and I am the happiest that I have ever been in my life. She is as amazing now as she was when I first met her and she has explained since how the experience with her ex affected her extremely badly and apologised for the way she acted to me.

Today I thought about the beginning of the relationship and how close I was to ending it - it made me shudder to think that a few random people who I had never met could have stopped my life turning out the way it has.
Here's what I think : relationships can be very complicated and a paragraph on a website is not enough to decide that someone should end their relationship. If you do reply to someone you've never met online then please remember that these are real lives that you could be helping or in my case, almost ruining.
I apologise for what happend to you. Sometimes seeking help on this website isn't the right decision. However, I am very happy that you're happy about your decision and I hope ypu and your wife live a happy life Have a nice day.
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