The Student Room Group

not enjoying university, what do I do

I moved to uni for my first year in September and I’m starting to realise that after 6 weeks I still haven’t made any more than 2 friends and I’m miserable. My bf is at a uni 3 hours away and seems to have a lovely flat, mine on the other hand is very awkward and we don’t talk. I’m finding it really hard to make friends because of corona and the lack of in person so I feel like my flat is the only viable option and it just isn’t working. The course in itself I’m happy with and don’t find too challenging however the workload is unbearable and if I miss a day I fall really behind. My mental health has really declined and since speaking to my mum she said if it doesn’t get better I should consider transferring, but the only place I’d go is my bf’s uni. By next September we’d of been going out near 2 years and we’re both pretty serious about the relationship. If I do move there, he’s offered for me to live with him and his 2 flat mates who are really nice which sounds great, although I’m being realistic in the fact we may break up and I would need to make friends by myself outside of the flat. I really don’t know what to do about my situation, obviously I’ll stick it out until after xmas but because of the virus I don’t know how much better it’ll get. In terms of transferring, his uni is very good and I had considered it before, but I’ll be honest in the main reason is that he is there - but he’s also a massive part of my life and with the current circumstances I believe having a support network near is really important, especially as we get on really well. Does anyone have any advice or any similar experiences? If anyone’s transferred for year 2 how did it go and was a relationship part/ affected by the move? Sorry it’s so long I’m just at a complete headless lmao
Original post by anonno234
I moved to uni for my first year in September and I’m starting to realise that after 6 weeks I still haven’t made any more than 2 friends and I’m miserable. My bf is at a uni 3 hours away and seems to have a lovely flat, mine on the other hand is very awkward and we don’t talk. I’m finding it really hard to make friends because of corona and the lack of in person so I feel like my flat is the only viable option and it just isn’t working. The course in itself I’m happy with and don’t find too challenging however the workload is unbearable and if I miss a day I fall really behind. My mental health has really declined and since speaking to my mum she said if it doesn’t get better I should consider transferring, but the only place I’d go is my bf’s uni. By next September we’d of been going out near 2 years and we’re both pretty serious about the relationship. If I do move there, he’s offered for me to live with him and his 2 flat mates who are really nice which sounds great, although I’m being realistic in the fact we may break up and I would need to make friends by myself outside of the flat. I really don’t know what to do about my situation, obviously I’ll stick it out until after xmas but because of the virus I don’t know how much better it’ll get. In terms of transferring, his uni is very good and I had considered it before, but I’ll be honest in the main reason is that he is there - but he’s also a massive part of my life and with the current circumstances I believe having a support network near is really important, especially as we get on really well. Does anyone have any advice or any similar experiences? If anyone’s transferred for year 2 how did it go and was a relationship part/ affected by the move? Sorry it’s so long I’m just at a complete headless lmao

Hi. This is really common in 'normal' years and I expect will be even more common this year. Universities are well aware that the 2nd half of the first term is the point where a lot of students are reevaluating their choices and are worried about how things are going. The excitement of the new situation has worn off and things are not as you may have expected them to be. Be reassured that a lot of students go through this. In normal times, it would have been a lot easier to find your kind of people and your happy place - it's tougher this year. I would advise sticking to it if you can. Seek help from the Uni support services - have a chat with one of their counsellors - they are there to help. Once corona restrictions are over, you will have opportunity to join clubs, meet more people and find your feet. If, at the end of the academic year, you still feel that you are in the wrong place, then you will be in a better position to transfer if you wish.
Original post by anonno234
I moved to uni for my first year in September and I’m starting to realise that after 6 weeks I still haven’t made any more than 2 friends and I’m miserable. My bf is at a uni 3 hours away and seems to have a lovely flat, mine on the other hand is very awkward and we don’t talk. I’m finding it really hard to make friends because of corona and the lack of in person so I feel like my flat is the only viable option and it just isn’t working. The course in itself I’m happy with and don’t find too challenging however the workload is unbearable and if I miss a day I fall really behind. My mental health has really declined and since speaking to my mum she said if it doesn’t get better I should consider transferring, but the only place I’d go is my bf’s uni. By next September we’d of been going out near 2 years and we’re both pretty serious about the relationship. If I do move there, he’s offered for me to live with him and his 2 flat mates who are really nice which sounds great, although I’m being realistic in the fact we may break up and I would need to make friends by myself outside of the flat. I really don’t know what to do about my situation, obviously I’ll stick it out until after xmas but because of the virus I don’t know how much better it’ll get. In terms of transferring, his uni is very good and I had considered it before, but I’ll be honest in the main reason is that he is there - but he’s also a massive part of my life and with the current circumstances I believe having a support network near is really important, especially as we get on really well. Does anyone have any advice or any similar experiences? If anyone’s transferred for year 2 how did it go and was a relationship part/ affected by the move? Sorry it’s so long I’m just at a complete headless lmao

Hey there,
Actually, going to university was not an option for me when I finished sixth form, I was really doubting my final grades and in reality I was terrified of starting a new stage of my life where I am quite literally on my own. I am in my third year now and have lost track of time, especially regarding how I was able to survive the three years of being independent and creating my own social life. If you do consider transferring to a different university, try considering an online university. They have started to become more convenient nowadays like for those who have other personal priorities e.g. relating to family or a job that prevents them from going to University at all. But for me, I found that I have more time for myself. I had time to learn how to drive a car, and start going to different places while I was studying for a degree. My life was in my hands and under my control, and when I achieved that, I found that making connections with new people was not so hard at all.
I was anxious of being alone and not being able to make friends, but now I can say that my experiences, aims and desires were significant to building up my own identity and character. I hope that this helped you a bit and gave you some insight. I know that as I started on a completely blank slate, I had to take steps forward in order to live a comfortable life. It's scary to be thrown out of what you already know, but think of it as a bare canvas. You are the painter, you have the control over the brush. So I encourage you to embrace the situation you are in now, because there's a lot more things you can explore beyond that.

- Danniela
Reply 3
Original post by hull SAS
Hi. This is really common in 'normal' years and I expect will be even more common this year. Universities are well aware that the 2nd half of the first term is the point where a lot of students are reevaluating their choices and are worried about how things are going. The excitement of the new situation has worn off and things are not as you may have expected them to be. Be reassured that a lot of students go through this. In normal times, it would have been a lot easier to find your kind of people and your happy place - it's tougher this year. I would advise sticking to it if you can. Seek help from the Uni support services - have a chat with one of their counsellors - they are there to help. Once corona restrictions are over, you will have opportunity to join clubs, meet more people and find your feet. If, at the end of the academic year, you still feel that you are in the wrong place, then you will be in a better position to transfer if you wish.

Thank you for replying. I am currently speaking to a well-being advisor at the university, so I am going to explain how I'm feeling more to them as I've only really touched on the issue of the flat. I never really had the novelty of university at the start, my flat didn't click and as much as I would've liked to and we never went out and experienced freshers properly (or at least try to with current restrictions). I feel we lacked daytime activities to bond which is fine as there will always be people who don't end up staying with their flat but it's especially hard this year as I am so limited in what I can do about it. I'm a very strong believer in do what makes you happy, but I do also worry a lot about making the right decision. I made a last-minute decision to join university, and I was really excited to go - it just hasn't lived up to my expectations. My mental health isn't great at the moment and it has got to a point where I recognise something needs to change, I'm just not sure how drastic of a change it should be as I know it is still early days.
Reply 4
Original post by Arden University
Hey there,
Actually, going to university was not an option for me when I finished sixth form, I was really doubting my final grades and in reality I was terrified of starting a new stage of my life where I am quite literally on my own. I am in my third year now and have lost track of time, especially regarding how I was able to survive the three years of being independent and creating my own social life. If you do consider transferring to a different university, try considering an online university. They have started to become more convenient nowadays like for those who have other personal priorities e.g. relating to family or a job that prevents them from going to University at all. But for me, I found that I have more time for myself. I had time to learn how to drive a car, and start going to different places while I was studying for a degree. My life was in my hands and under my control, and when I achieved that, I found that making connections with new people was not so hard at all.
I was anxious of being alone and not being able to make friends, but now I can say that my experiences, aims and desires were significant to building up my own identity and character. I hope that this helped you a bit and gave you some insight. I know that as I started on a completely blank slate, I had to take steps forward in order to live a comfortable life. It's scary to be thrown out of what you already know, but think of it as a bare canvas. You are the painter, you have the control over the brush. So I encourage you to embrace the situation you are in now, because there's a lot more things you can explore beyond that.

- Danniela

Thank you so much :smile: I'm currently studying a lab-based degree and plan on continuing regardless of if I move or not, so I'm unsure about how that works with online learning. I think the problem is feeling isolated and lonely, as well as not fitting in. I'm going to stick it out as I don't want to transfer and regret it, it's just tricky finding ways to meet new people and do that. I'm glad your experience worked out well for you and hopefully the same happens for me.
Original post by anonno234
Thank you so much :smile: I'm currently studying a lab-based degree and plan on continuing regardless of if I move or not, so I'm unsure about how that works with online learning. I think the problem is feeling isolated and lonely, as well as not fitting in. I'm going to stick it out as I don't want to transfer and regret it, it's just tricky finding ways to meet new people and do that. I'm glad your experience worked out well for you and hopefully the same happens for me.

I love you your determination! And though there will be moments where you think you haven't broadened your social circle, it's totally fine, you'll find that in the future you can form a more closer circle with people you really get along with!

- Danniela

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