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How do I tell her she needs to pay?

I did not tell the girl her breasts look bigger. To save myself I changed the conversation and asked her if she wanted to join me on a date. To my surprise and horror, she said she would love to. I look forward to going on a date.

I am not going to pay for her. If she expects me to pay the bill, how do I tell her I am only paying for my food and drink?

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Why don’t you want to pay? Out of principe, or because your broke?

To be honest, if I was still dating, unless the girl mentions paying equal first, I’m presuming I’m going to pay. If I can’t afford to pay for fancy meals and stuff, like when I was dating my wife as a student, then I’d just save the hassle and go somewhere free on the date.. walk in the park/along a river/beach, etc.
thank you for following our advice about commenting on physical changes.
it is wonderful that you are going on a date.
you should take enough money to pay for both of you, but probably the young lady will split the bill ( = "going dutch" )
Original post by fallen_acorns
Why don’t you want to pay? Out of principe, or because your broke?

To be honest, if I was still dating, unless the girl mentions paying equal first, I’m presuming I’m going to pay. If I can’t afford to pay for fancy meals and stuff, like when I was dating my wife as a student, then I’d just save the hassle and go somewhere free on the date.. walk in the park/along a river/beach, etc.

I do not want to pay out of principle. She lives with her parents and it is their responsibility to feed her, it is not my responsibility. I do not want to date someone who is using me as a food bank. If she wants to eat food in a restaurants she needs to pay for it.

Could I message her parents asking them bank transfer money in advance?
Original post by the bear
thank you for following our advice about commenting on physical changes.
it is wonderful that you are going on a date.
you should take enough money to pay for both of you, but probably the young lady will split the bill ( = "going dutch" )

I thought about going up to the till to pay for my food without her knowing. When the bill arrives it will be her food left over and I can refuse to pay. Is that an effective and polite way of becoming Dutch?
Original post by Andrew23112
I thought about going up to the till to pay for my food without her knowing. When the bill arrives it will be her food left over and I can refuse to pay. Is that an effective and polite way of becoming Dutch?

Yeah that's a real douche move. Don't do that at all. Just assume you're going to pay and take enough money to do so or alternatively go somewhere free on a date and if she wants to go somewhere to eat, just say that you're not feeling up to it this time, but maybe another time. Honestly, the way that you speak about her, including this: 'it is their responsibility to feed her, it is not my responsibility. I do not want to date someone who is using me as a food bank. If she wants to eat food in a restaurants she needs to pay for it.' Well I'm surprised she wants to date you. If you're into, just assume you're paying as the guy and if she wants to split the bill, then great. Last date I went on, I assumed I was paying for everything and we got to second round of drinks and she was like 'I'll get these'.
Original post by Andrew23112
I thought about going up to the till to pay for my food without her knowing. When the bill arrives it will be her food left over and I can refuse to pay. Is that an effective and polite way of becoming Dutch?

you are confusing Dutch with douche :naughty:

just have a polite discussion at the end of the meal.
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As a woman I would expect someone who had asked me out on a first date to offer to pay* but equally I would offer to split the bill. Who lands up paying depends a bit on how keen they are to pay - I've had dates where the other half seemed offended if they don't get to pay, but that's obviously not going to be true in your case.

After a first date I would expect to split it and , later on one person to pay but is swaps over depending on why you're out, whoise turn it is and who's richer at the time.

*They've chosen the venue at a price they can afford. It may be out of the other person's price range.
The unanimous advice I have received to this point is that I should sacrifice my principles and adopt a role tantamount to that of a food bank for the duration of the date.

How many dates into it should I raise the topic of splitting the bill if she does not offer?
Original post by Andrew23112
The unanimous advice I have received to this point is that I should sacrifice my principles and adopt a role tantamount to that of a food bank for the duration of the date.

How many dates into it should I raise the topic of splitting the bill if she does not offer?


Why can’t you split the bill? Your “principles” just sounds like entitlement. You both eat in the restaurant, you both pay for the food.
Original post by Andrew23112
The unanimous advice I have received to this point is that I should sacrifice my principles and adopt a role tantamount to that of a food bank for the duration of the date.

How many dates into it should I raise the topic of splitting the bill if she does not offer?

If you're gonna raise it to her at some point might as well make it clear at the start, or you'll seem inconsistent and unpredictable. And no don't get her parents to pay for it.
It’s literally pure manners that a guy pays for the first date
This should be interesting to see how this goes
Why would she expect to not pay for what she buys?
Original post by baby.bear
Why can’t you split the bill? Your “principles” just sounds like entitlement. You both eat in the restaurant, you both pay for the food.

I want to split the bill because it is the fair thing to do. If she does not offer to split the bill how do I tell her to split it?
Original post by Andrew23112
I want to split the bill because it is the fair thing to do. If she does not offer to split the bill how do I tell her to split it?


It’s just decency for the person who asked the other on a date to pay, so really because you asked it comes to you. However, most women (including myself) will always offer to split the bill as it’s a stereotype that the man always pays. She will probably offer.

If she doesn’t, just pay for both of you. Then on your next date, she can pay for both of you?
Maybe don’t go out on a restaurant date then? Aren’t eat-in restaurants all closed at the moment due to lockdown anyway?
Go on a long park walk or something and then if/when you get hungry, just get a quick take out from somewhere, then you can easily pay for yourself when you order and she pays when she orders. Simple and hassle free.
Original post by Andrew23112
The unanimous advice I have received to this point is that I should sacrifice my principles and adopt a role tantamount to that of a food bank for the duration of the date.

How many dates into it should I raise the topic of splitting the bill if she does not offer?

For Christ's sake man, it's one date! You sound like a real charmer. If you value money over a girl you like, then perhaps you shouldn't be going on a date with her at all. Either don't go to a restaurant at all and just go for a walk or go to a restaurant if you wish, but accept you're paying. It's not difficult and it'll be just the first date.
Original post by Andrew23112
I do not want to pay out of principle. She lives with her parents and it is their responsibility to feed her, it is not my responsibility. I do not want to date someone who is using me as a food bank. If she wants to eat food in a restaurants she needs to pay for it.

Could I message her parents asking them bank transfer money in advance?


Cray cray
Original post by Andrew23112
I do not want to pay out of principle. She lives with her parents and it is their responsibility to feed her, it is not my responsibility. I do not want to date someone who is using me as a food bank. If she wants to eat food in a restaurants she needs to pay for it.

Could I message her parents asking them bank transfer money in advance?

the last part made me laugh sorry, please do not message her parents asking for money. since you asked her out, it is expected that you pay but i understand why you want to split the bill. like many others said, you could go somewhere free. but if you really want to go eat out, assume that you'll be paying.

at the very least, don't take her to mcdonalds or any other fast food restaurant.
(edited 3 years ago)
Original post by Andrew23112
I did not tell the girl her breasts look bigger. To save myself I changed the conversation and asked her if she wanted to join me on a date. To my surprise and horror, she said she would love to. I look forward to going on a date.

I am not going to pay for her. If she expects me to pay the bill, how do I tell her I am only paying for my food and drink?


You invited her. The obligation is on you as she is your guest.

You claim that you have difficulty in social situations, so the practical answer is above in allowance for your MH issues.
In contrast two of these threads would make other people doubt how genuine your threads are and ypour postings are what a troll would do.

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