My bf doesn't want to propose but wants to marry me. I want a proposal!

So my partner and I have been together for 3.5 years. We have talked about getting married etc and have recently started planning to marry next year in April. But my partner doesn't want to propose as he thinks it's irrelevant since we both know we want to marry each other. However, for me a proposal is important due to the surprise element and the romantic element. I also want a picture of it as well.

We had talked about the proposal before where he asked what kinda rings I liked etc. So he was planning on proposing. But then recently changed his mind. But still wants to marry.

I don't know what to do as he is adamant he won't propose. And I feel like this is a deal breaker for me. I don't want to force him to do it as then it won't be coming from the heart.

(edited 3 years ago)

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is it that deep

Original post by duofoldreborn

is it that deep

For me it is yes. The fact he doesn't want to do it tells me he doesn't want to care about my feelings. I should add that he had talked about proposing before, and it is only recently that he changed his mind.

Reply 3

username3477548

why not??

it take like 5 minutes

Reply 4

1st superstar

Original post by Judy13

So my partner and I have been together for 3.5 years. We have talked about getting married etc and have recently started planning to marry next year in April. But my partner doesn't want to propose as he thinks it's irrelevant since we both know we want to marry each other. However, for me a proposal is important due to the surprise element and the romantic element. I also want a picture of it as well.

I don't know what to do as he is adamant he won't propose. And I feel like this is a deal breaker for me. I don't want to force him to do it as then it won't be coming from the heart.

Can't you propose to him instead?

Reply 5

Judy13

Original post by vix.xvi

why not??

it take like 5 minutes

Yeah exactly. He says it's pointless as he knows I'm gonna say yes.

Reply 6

Judy13

Original post by 1st superstar

Can't you propose to him instead?

I'm definitely not doing that tbh. Bcs I just always had it in my head that I'd be proposed to. Like it'd be a surprise, I won't be expecting it and that way it'd be romantic etc. Whereas if I do it, it's not special for me and he wouldn't even want me to do it

Reply 7

1st superstar

Original post by Judy13

Ok then.

Will u marry me ?

Yeah I guess. The way I see it is as making things official.

Reply 10

Judy13

Ohh 100%. I wouldn't say the picture is for the gram. I keep an album of us so I wanted it for that. But I definitely agree with the fact that the surprise and romantic element is gone if I have to force him. Hence why I'm stuck on what to do.

Reply 11

Judy13

Original post by tashkent46

Will u marry me ?

At this rate, yes. You've definitely done more than my bf has lol😂

Reply 12

tashkent46

Original post by Judy13

You've definitely done more than my bf has lol😂

*insert joke about hearing this often*

Great pack your bags we are off to Tuscany.

Reply 13

Retread

If it's a dealbreaker for you then you should end the relationship.

Reply 14

Judy13

Original post by tashkent46

*insert joke about hearing this often*

Great pack your bags we are off to Tuscany.

Haha😂 😂

Reply 15

Freya JC

Honestly, I don’t think you should take it to heart. It is definitely NOT something to end the relationship over. Many people don’t get to the stage of marriage, and you’re quite lucky to be having this conversation. But some people struggle with being the centre of attention in a crowd, and if your bf is like that I believe you should acknowledge his feelings, too. You don’t need a proposal to have a good future with him.

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 16

Judy13

Original post by Retread

If it's a dealbreaker for you then you should end the relationship.

Yeah that's what I was thinking. Because even if he proposes now, it'd be half heartedly which won't be special etc. And if he doesn't (sounds a bit silly) but I'd be hurt by it. So I feel like it's best to leave the relationship than have to remember for the rest of my life that he didn't propose. Like when I get others get engaged and I'd be jealous lol.

Reply 17

Judy13

Original post by Freya JC

Yeah that is true. The thing is yeah I don't even want much, like I don't it to be in a public place or anything. I'm happy for it to happen in my room or whatever. Or even if it's just a convo without a ring or whatever. I literally said to him that even if it was a £10 ring I'd say yes. For me what's important is that I get asked. And he kinda tell me why he wants to marry me. Like I don't it to be big or anything. The fact that he can't do something that would just take 5 to 10 mins kinda makes me feel like he's being inconsiderate. And idk if he's gonna be like that for the rest of our lives. Because usually he is considerate.

Reply 18

Retread

Original post by Judy13

I think you'd be foolish to do so but we all have our preferences, red flags, dealbreakers etc when it comes to relationships.

Reply 19

Mesopotamian…

With all due respect, if everything else in your relationship is fine, then ending it over not having a proposal when you’re already planning the marriage seems a little shallow.

I understand your point about your feelings but he does make a good point and 3.5 years seems quite significant to throw away over a lack of proposal given the scenario. Marriage is about compromise and this is maybe one of those times where you may need to do just that.

*Disclaimer: this is assuming you have no other issues in the relationship and is just my take on what you’ve described. Feel free to ignore.