The Student Room Group

How Do I Find Out If She Is Single

Someone I used to be close with sent me a friend request on social media. We're both asian and tbh we used to be close friends back in the day before they moved abroad years ago ( only spoken 3 times in the last 6 years). a lot of people assumed we were dating and truth be told, she spent more time with me than she was with her best friends.
We're both in our late 20s and ill admit I wish to know more about her / how shes changed since we were close, if she is single etc.

we have mutual connections (friends of relatives etc) but i dont want to risk asking her cousins if she is single and my dad doesnt want to risk losing some of his childhood friends (we're talking multiple friendships which have lasted over 50 years each) over something as trivial as me being more interested in their niece than their own daughters.

any suggestions how to find out?

I sent her a message to see if she was ok a month ago and she replied back a week later, then she sent a friend request last week (I immediately asked "did you send me a follow request?")

also how to I go about talking to her apart from saying the how are you, hope your well etc etc (people find that dull and boring I guess). need to keep convo interesting (im usually a lot better communicating with my gob than my hands (nervous laugh).
you say you are better at communicating with your gob? Why don't you act out the messages? Read out each message she sends you, say what you would say back, then type it in?

The single thing? Just ask her straight out
Ask her.
Reply 3
Original post by Wannabevetnurse
you say you are better at communicating with your gob? Why don't you act out the messages? Read out each message she sends you, say what you would say back, then type it in?

The single thing? Just ask her straight out

with me, im more of a reactive person when it comes to communication. im rubbish at starting convos but am great at carrying them. major issue is that she lives abroad and there is a bit of a time difference. also doesnt help we ended our friendship on bad terms all those years ago.

but yeah, its like, I wish I knew how to engage someone in a convo / keep them coming back for more. if the person is free, then im great at text chatting with them but otherwise im rubbish at typed communication with people.


Spoiler

Original post by Anonymous
with me, im more of a reactive person when it comes to communication. im rubbish at starting convos but am great at carrying them. major issue is that she lives abroad and there is a bit of a time difference. also doesnt help we ended our friendship on bad terms all those years ago.

but yeah, its like, I wish I knew how to engage someone in a convo / keep them coming back for more. if the person is free, then im great at text chatting with them but otherwise im rubbish at typed communication with people.


Spoiler



just start it off with a simple "Hey, how you doing/what you up to?" And literally it'll pick off. Time difference doesn't really matter, unless, you text her and she replies like 5 days later. What bad terms? LIke forgivable bad terms or unforgivable bad terms?

Why does it matter if they are free?
Just ask her, worst case: She gets angry and her bf starts raging on you Best case: She is single and has been yearning for you for years.

Fortune favours the brave
Just hint at it or bring it up by saying something about u being single and then hopefully they will carry it on
Reply 6
Original post by Wannabevetnurse
just start it off with a simple "Hey, how you doing/what you up to?" And literally it'll pick off. Time difference doesn't really matter, unless, you text her and she replies like 5 days later. What bad terms? LIke forgivable bad terms or unforgivable bad terms?

Why does it matter if they are free?
Just ask her, worst case: She gets angry and her bf starts raging on you Best case: She is single and has been yearning for you for years.

Fortune favours the brave

The free isn't to do with them being single. As in I find it easier to keep a convo going if they have nothing to do / are free. If people have other things they are doing, then I find it harder to get a convi going.
just have to see if she mentions a gf or bf
Reply 8
Original post by Wannabevetnurse
just start it off with a simple "Hey, how you doing/what you up to?" And literally it'll pick off. Time difference doesn't really matter, unless, you text her and she replies like 5 days later. What bad terms? LIke forgivable bad terms or unforgivable bad terms?

Why does it matter if they are free?
Just ask her, worst case: She gets angry and her bf starts raging on you Best case: She is single and has been yearning for you for years.

Fortune favours the brave

she took weeks to respond to the ones I sent earlier in the year (tbf, I do keep her on mute so that could also be a factor).
bad terms, is private / dont want to divulge in public (if I do pm you, you can decide if it is forgivable or not).
What's wrong with "Hi how are you doing? What have you been up to? Are you seeing anyone at the moment?"
Tell her she has won a special prize and send her a document to supply various bits of information.
Yea, best just send her a form to fill in
Original post by Anonymous
What's wrong with "Hi how are you doing? What have you been up to? Are you seeing anyone at the moment?"

coz I havent actually spoken to her in person for years. also because we dont really chat much online (read above comments).
also she doesnt respond to the whole "hi, how are you doing / what have you been up to" thing much.
tbh, I have been looking at her linkedin profile and honestly want to pick her brain from a professional perspective (no idea if social media, which I do not include linkedin as a part of could be a good way to speak with them about it)
So if you haven't seen her in years and don't actually chat then why are you bothering?
I don't think you should ask friends of relatives about her, because there may be gossip. I think you will be very upset if that happens.
If you are interested in the details of her life, then ask only her about it.
I don't think you should worry about your conversation because you haven't seen each other for many years. You will be able to ask what happened in her life during this time. You will be able to tell her about your life, what has changed in him. What has happened new and so on.
The main thing is that she should be interested in the conversation. But you will immediately understand whether she is interested in you or not, after how actively she will reply.

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