username5378250
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#1
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#1
Hello everybody,

I was wondering if anybody could potentially give me a mark for this question and give me some feedback on how to improve / how to condense it? I would be incredibly grateful for any advice given, as I'm aware that my Spanish isn't the best and I've probably made lots of mistakes.

Thank you!

Question :

Escribes una carta a tu amigo chileno para contarle sobre tu vida.
Menciona:
. Las personas que hay en tu familia
. Tu personalidad cuando eras pequeña
. Las actividades que te gusta hacer con tu familia
. Tu novio / novia ideal

Response:

Aunque mi familia no sea muy grande, con solo mi madre, mi perro y yo, nunca la cambiaría. A mi parecer, me llevo bien con mi madre puesto que me ayuda a desarrollar mi personalidad y tiene un buen sentido del humor. Ayer, mi amigo me dijo que no me parecía nada a mi madre cuando era pequeña porque no hablaba mucho, pero no es una opinión que comparta yo. Siempre he pensado que soy una persona bastante sociable, y de hecho todo el mundo está de acuerdo conmigo. Los fines de semana, suelo ir a los restaurantes y al cine con mi familia ya que nos encanta pasar tiempo juntos. Si me hubiera preguntado hace dos años, hubiera dicho que estaba buscando por un novio que me escucharía cuando tenía problemas, no obstante ahora opino que necesito alguien que será amigable.
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username5398218
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(Original post by Roses & Dreams)
Hello everybody,

I was wondering if anybody could potentially give me a mark for this question and give me some feedback on how to improve / how to condense it? I would be incredibly grateful for any advice given, as I'm aware that my Spanish isn't the best and I've probably made lots of mistakes.

Thank you!

Question :

Escribes una carta a tu amigo chileno para contarle sobre tu vida.
Menciona:
. Las personas que hay en tu familia
. Tu personalidad cuando eras pequeña
. Las actividades que te gusta hacer con tu familia
. Tu novio / novia ideal

Response:

Aunque mi familia no sea muy grande, con solo mi madre, mi perro y yo, nunca la cambiaría. A mi parecer, me llevo bien con mi madre puesto que me ayuda a desarrollar mi personalidad y tiene un buen sentido del humor. Ayer, mi amigo me dijo que no me parecía nada a mi madre cuando era pequeña porque no hablaba mucho, pero no es una opinión que comparta yo. Siempre he pensado que soy una persona bastante sociable, y de hecho todo el mundo está de acuerdo conmigo. Los fines de semana, suelo ir a los restaurantes y al cine con mi familia ya que nos encanta pasar tiempo juntos. Si me hubiera preguntado hace dos años, hubiera dicho que estaba buscando por un novio que me escucharía cuando tenía problemas, no obstante ahora opino que necesito alguien que será amigable.
you needed ella shes great at spanish but shes off tsr this weekend im afraid

i think your spanish is fantastic actually lol
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username5378250
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(Original post by Golderz Is Great)
you needed ella shes great at spanish but shes off tsr this weekend im afraid

i think your spanish is fantastic actually lol
My Spanish is getting worse
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username5398218
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#4
(Original post by Roses & Dreams)
My Spanish is getting worse
oh it just looks good to me sorry
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username5378250
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#5
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#5
(Original post by Golderz Is Great)
oh it just looks good to me sorry
It's fine
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username5398218
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(Original post by Roses & Dreams)
It's fine
ok thank you
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Harrya2020
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(Got 157/160 in GCSE Spanish but not fluent). Think it should be ‘comparto yo’ and ‘habría dicho’. Otherwise, looks great. Though, be careful not to overuse complex structures where fluency and readability suffers as a result.
Last edited by Harrya2020; 3 months ago
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redmeercat
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Spanishstarfish I can't help with Spanish (although I'm quite pleased that I can at least understand a few words!) but perhaps you can?
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username5378250
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(Original post by harrya2002)
(Got 157/160 in GCSE Spanish but not fluent). Think it should be ‘comparto yo’ and ‘habría dicho’. Otherwise, looks great. Though, be careful not to overuse complex structures where fluency and readability suffers as a result.
Ahhh ok that's a bit of an issue, should I remove anything that sounds a bit clunky? If so, what should it be?

And thank you
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tinygirl96
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#10
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#10
Split it up into two paragraphs.
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Harrya2020
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#11
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It just deleted what I said.

Basically, you say that a few years ago you would have looked for a boyfriend who listens to your problems, but now you want someone more friendly. But the two aren’t mutually exclusive. First think: what do I want to say? Then think: how can I include complex structures? Rather than the other way round.

The grammar is v impressive and way above what is expected at GCSE so well done though!

By the way: should be ‘buscando’ rather than ‘buscando por’
Last edited by Harrya2020; 3 months ago
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username5378250
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(Original post by harrya2002)
It just deleted what I said.

Basically, you say that a few years ago you would have looked for a boyfriend who listens to your problems, but now you want someone more friendly. But the two aren’t mutually exclusive. First think: what do I want to say? Then think: how can I include complex structures? Rather than the other way round.

The grammar is v impressive and way above what is expected at GCSE so well done though!

By the way: should be ‘buscando’ rather than ‘buscando por’
Yes I see what you're saying, thank you. If I change "amigable" to something like "aventuroso", would that make more sense or would I have to completely change the last sentence?
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Plantagenet Crown
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#13
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#13
(Original post by Roses & Dreams)
Hello everybody,

I was wondering if anybody could potentially give me a mark for this question and give me some feedback on how to improve / how to condense it? I would be incredibly grateful for any advice given, as I'm aware that my Spanish isn't the best and I've probably made lots of mistakes.

Thank you!

Question :

Escribes una carta a tu amigo chileno para contarle sobre tu vida.
Menciona:
. Las personas que hay en tu familia
. Tu personalidad cuando eras pequeña
. Las actividades que te gusta hacer con tu familia
. Tu novio / novia ideal

Response:

Aunque mi familia no sea muy grande, con solo mi madre, mi perro y yo, nunca la cambiaría. A mi parecer, me llevo bien con mi madre puesto que me ayuda a desarrollar mi personalidad y tiene un buen sentido del humor. Ayer, mi amigo me dijo que no me parecía nada a mi madre cuando era pequeña porque no hablaba mucho, pero no es una opinión que comparta yo. Siempre he pensado que soy una persona bastante sociable, y de hecho todo el mundo está de acuerdo conmigo. Los fines de semana, suelo ir a los restaurantes y al cine con mi familia ya que nos encanta pasar tiempo juntos. Si me hubiera preguntado hace dos años, hubiera dicho que estaba buscando por un novio que me escucharía cuando tenía problemas, no obstante ahora opino que necesito alguien que será amigable.
Corrections:

1) I’d say it sounds better to say “aunque mi familia no es muy grande..”

2) The “con” bit followed by family members sounds odd and is a direct translation of English phrasing, Spanish speakers wouldn’t say that. It would be better to say “....no es muy grande, somos solo mi madre...”

3) The last sentence should be “si me hubiera preguntado hace dos años, habría dicho que estaba buscando un novio que me escuchara cuando tuviera problemas, no obstante ahora opino que necesito alguien que sea amigable.
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Plantagenet Crown
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(Original post by harrya2002)
(Got 157/160 in GCSE Spanish but not fluent). Think it should be ‘comparto yo’ and ‘habría dicho’. Otherwise, looks great. Though, be careful not to overuse complex structures where fluency and readability suffers as a result.
(Original post by Roses & Dreams)
Ahhh ok that's a bit of an issue, should I remove anything that sounds a bit clunky? If so, what should it be?

And thank you
I’m a native speaker and “comparta” sounds fine to me.
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username5378250
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(Original post by Plantagenet Crown)
Corrections:

1) I’d say it sounds better to say “aunque mi familia no es muy grande..”

2) The “con” bit followed by family members sounds odd and is a direct translation of English phrasing, Spanish speakers wouldn’t say that. It would be better to say “....no es muy grande, somos solo mi madre...”

3) The last sentence should be “si me hubiera preguntado hace dos años, habría dicho que estaba buscando un novio que me escuchara cuando tuviera problemas, no obstante ahora opino que necesito alguien que sea amigable.
¡Gracias!

Does aunque use the subjunctive in Spanish?

Also, sorry to be a bit of a pain but do you know how many marks this would get out of 16? It's completely fine if not. And is there anything else I could do to make it sound a bit better, or to condense it?

Thanks again
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Plantagenet Crown
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(Original post by Roses & Dreams)
¡Gracias!
De nada

Does aunque use the subjunctive in Spanish?
Sometimes but not always. And the distinction isn’t always clear. In many cases both the subjective and non-subjunctive form sound right but in this case it struck me as a bit odd sounding. Whereas in the case of “comparta” I suppose “comparto” would also sound fine.

Also, sorry to be a bit of a pain but do you know how many marks this would get out of 16? It's completely fine if not. And is there anything else I could do to make it sound a bit better, or to condense it?
Unfortunately I’m not a teacher so wouldn’t be able to give an accurate mark but it would certainly be very high.

In terms of cutting it down I guess you could delete the individual members of your family and just say “somos cuatro” or whatever. But the rest is pretty good!

Thanks again
¡No hay de qué!
Last edited by Plantagenet Crown; 3 months ago
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Spanishstarfish
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#17
(Original post by redmeercat)
Spanishstarfish I can't help with Spanish (although I'm quite pleased that I can at least understand a few words!) but perhaps you can?
I’ll give it a go! Thanks for the tag xx
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Spanishstarfish
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(Original post by Plantagenet Crown)
Corrections:

1) I’d say it sounds better to say “aunque mi familia no es muy grande..”

2) The “con” bit followed by family members sounds odd and is a direct translation of English phrasing, Spanish speakers wouldn’t say that. It would be better to say “....no es muy grande, somos solo mi madre...”

3) The last sentence should be “si me hubiera preguntado hace dos años, habría dicho que estaba buscando un novio que me escuchara cuando tuviera problemas, no obstante ahora opino que necesito alguien que sea amigable.
Agreed
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Harrya2020
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#19
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#19
(Original post by Plantagenet Crown)
I’m a native speaker and “comparta” sounds fine to me.
Hi there. Absolutely I’m sure you know much more than me. Just out of interest, why does ‘comparta’ work? I would have thought it would have to be in the first person singular to match the yo?

Edit : just realised it takes the subjunctive, never mind me!
Last edited by Harrya2020; 3 months ago
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Harrya2020
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(Original post by Roses & Dreams)
Yes I see what you're saying, thank you. If I change "amigable" to something like "aventuroso", would that make more sense or would I have to completely change the last sentence?
Yes would make more sense
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