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Low self-esteem & uni = loneliness?

10

I'm not all that confident really. Everyone says I'm not fat and that I'm good curvy but I feel obese and like everything looks wrong on me. I'm quite loud as well and I rely on my friends to make me feel better (not like by telling me but through having that sort of assurance I am a nice person or people wouldn't like me).
Basically I'm moving into halls on sunday and I am desperately scared I won't make many friends or get a boyfriend again. I'm quite loud, hyper and opinionated (not like scary I think all black people should be sent back or anything but I do believe in recycling and charity work and stuff) and I am worried that uni will end up being just me sat in a room alone talking on TSR for the next 3 years. Normally I face new situations with joy at new adventures but uni is just making me feel pushed out of my comfort zone.
Please can I have some tips for making friends and perhaps what uni is like? Are all the girls slim and perfect and pretty or are there really some like less glamorous ones? Do flat shares have nice people in it? Thanks!

Reply 1

sarCAZm

11

I have low self-esteem too....and have a cunning yet simple plan of just doing my best to make friends. try it :biggrin:

Reply 2

jointhedots

16

ro-ro

Please can I have some tips for making friends and perhaps what uni is like? Are all the girls slim and perfect and pretty or are there really some like less glamorous ones? Do flat shares have nice people in it? Thanks!

If you've made friends before just keep doing what you've been doing, uni students aren't like a different species from everyone else :smile:

Some people are slim and pretty, some people aren't, some people are nice, some people aren't. Like everywhere.

Reply 3

efd44

Hey! I was in halls last year, and I can tell you that its not as scarey as you think it is! I know it sounds really cliche but everyone is in the same situation as you and everyone will make an effort, to be honest as well i doubt youll be having deep conversations about recycling and charity work straight as you meet someone as well though my kitchen did recycle regularily cos we were encouraged by our uni. Not everyone in halls is glam and skinny and perfect, trust me. Im not!
Just relax and be yourself, I know its everyones worst nightmare to be stuck in halls with people you dont like. It happened to me but I still made friends elsewhere so its not the end of the world if you dont get on with your hall mates that well.
Good luck!

Reply 4

DeSiFiEd

2

I always thought I had pretty low self-esteem, and because of that no confidence, but University really proved me wrong.

The change of scenery, new people, new location etc all make for it to be REALLY easy. Most my University friends seem to think I've always been this confident/popular..But I really am not, its just I make the effort, thats what counts.

Reply 5

Slam_Dunk

ro-ro

I'm not all that confident really. Everyone says I'm not fat and that I'm good curvy but I feel obese and like everything looks wrong on me. I'm quite loud as well and I rely on my friends to make me feel better (not like by telling me but through having that sort of assurance I am a nice person or people wouldn't like me).
Basically I'm moving into halls on sunday and I am desperately scared I won't make many friends or get a boyfriend again. I'm quite loud, hyper and opinionated (not like scary I think all black people should be sent back or anything but I do believe in recycling and charity work and stuff) and I am worried that uni will end up being just me sat in a room alone talking on TSR for the next 3 years. Normally I face new situations with joy at new adventures but uni is just making me feel pushed out of my comfort zone.
Please can I have some tips for making friends and perhaps what uni is like? Are all the girls slim and perfect and pretty or are there really some like less glamorous ones? Do flat shares have nice people in it? Thanks!

I found at uni (now going into my 3rd year), that you get a wide mix of everyone. You get a lot of ra girls and people who think they know it all, and think you are inferior etc, but then you get a lot of cool easy people who dont give a care in the world if you were fat, ugly, had an arm missing etc. There is just thousands of each type of person i guess, and its easy to find people you fit in with. So even if you dont find people you immediately fit in with, you soon will. I would just suggest going with an open mind and see what happens. Just dont pretend you are something you are not as you wont be able to keep it up for the whole year obviously and then people will start to get mixed opinions of you, so just go as you are, have fun, and you will naturally make friends. Remember everyone is in the same boat as you, everyone is nervous as for many it is the first time living away from home nad being out their comfort zone, so they are just as eager to make friends as you are!

Also i see you said you are scared of not meeting a new boyfriend. In all honesty, dont worry about that at all, as i fell into the same trap and just ended going out with random girls so it felt like i was in a relationship. It soon hit me they were utterly pointless, and so i dont go looking for a girlfriend now, if it happens, it happens, if it doesnt, it doesnt. It doesnt bother me, i just try and live life to the full, and if i meet someone, then its all the more merrier. If you are worried about in being a stigma about not having a bf at uni, dont worry about that at uni as no one cares if you are in a relationship or not, half the people are, half the people arent... just like home really, except in new surroundings. Hope this helps :smile:

Reply 6

fabaz99

What uni are you going to?
Try and post some threads in that topic on here, then you will already know some people (and you will at least have one thing in common -you both use this!)
Also try yougofurther (part of ucas)
Another thing to remember is that most people are in the same boat and also don't know anyone going to the uni they are.
Just see it as making a bit of a new start and make sure you don't disagree with too many people!
I am sure you will meet loads of new people who will be just like you
Hope this helps

Reply 7

ro-ro

OP

10

I made some friends through yougofurther and facebook. It's just when I went to see my university everyone looked so grown up and sorted and lots of the people I speak to seem very grown up and I'm quite immature. Like not bad immature I don't have barbies and I can use a washing machine.
Thanks for the advice guys, you make me feel alot better about everyone being different. I was going to try to make friends by going to the uni stuff in arrivals week like an exercise class and RAG, is that a good idea?

Reply 8

ro-ro

OP

10

Oh yeh I'm going to Bournemouth.

Reply 9

efd44

ro-ro

I made some friends through yougofurther and facebook. It's just when I went to see my university everyone looked so grown up and sorted and lots of the people I speak to seem very grown up and I'm quite immature. Like not bad immature I don't have barbies and I can use a washing machine.
Thanks for the advice guys, you make me feel alot better about everyone being different. I was going to try to make friends by going to the uni stuff in arrivals week like an exercise class and RAG, is that a good idea?

I know what you mean, but you went to see (im assuming here) your university a while back and would have grown up since then, not to mention you do a lot of growing up living in halls especially during your first year!
And joining societies (esp rag, rag is great) is a great idea to meet new people and make friends, just dont forget your hall mates because you will probably have things in common with them too otherwise you wouldnt have been put in with them, you never know, one of them might want to go to sports taster sessions and to rag with you. :yep:

Reply 10

Danielle89

14

DeSiFiEd

I always thought I had pretty low self-esteem, and because of that no confidence, but University really proved me wrong.

The change of scenery, new people, new location etc all make for it to be REALLY easy. Most my University friends seem to think I've always been this confident/popular..But I really am not, its just I make the effort, thats what counts.

Might as well have been me writing this post. Uni is the easiest place in the world to make friends. You can recreate your image - not clothes-wise necessarily but you can let your personality shine through :smile:

Put it this way, before uni I had hardly any good friends, didnt socialise that much cos I didnt think people wanted me tagging along, and hadnt really gotten much attention from guys. Things couldnt be more different now.

Reply 11

fabo89

10

jointhedots

Some people are slim and pretty

Why thank you :blush:

Reply 12

DeSiFiEd

2

Danielle89

Might as well have been me writing this post. Uni is the easiest place in the world to make friends. You can recreate your image - not clothes-wise necessarily but you can let your personality shine through :smile:

Put it this way, before uni I had hardly any good friends, didnt socialise that much cos I didnt think people wanted me tagging along, and hadnt really gotten much attention from guys. Things couldnt be more different now.

Definitely! I don't think I ever recreated myself, I was just more open and friendly. University basically gives you a "free-pass" to go upto the most random-looking person and strike up a conversation with them..and that's great for those with little confidence, to build that to a higher confidence :yep:

That said I haven't myself made any "bestfriend" types, I guess as a guy I'm still pretty closed...but if I walk down campus I'll get loads of hi's and hugs! For me its been crap over summer, because that Uni-feeling isn't there! And sadly the attention from females probably won't ever change :p: