Should I just forget about him?Watch
We had only been together a few months so not long at all, but when we met, we clicked straight away and both agreed that we felt like we were each other’s “person”. It was so natural and we’d always have so much fun!
He lives about an hour and a 1/2 away and so because of Covid we obviously hadn’t been able to see each other. We carried on messaging throughout the day and then FaceTiming at night to talk which was great.
When we met, he already had a plan to coincidentally move back to the city where I’m attending uni since that’s where he went to uni too and where he’s always wanted to live. He was going to get a new job in the city and buy a house whilst renting out a few rooms for extra income. Again, because of covid, he’d been searching for jobs, but couldn’t find any in his type of occupation. That meant he couldn’t commit to moving like he’d planned. So instead, the only thing he could think to do was to go full time with his family’s business for the time being and save up as much money as he could, ready for when Covid isn’t so much of an issue and then he can find a job in the city.
He also is a cyclist and had applied for a competition which he’s been seriously training for.
Unfortunately, because of these things combined, he didn’t have any time for me anymore. He stopped FaceTiming or calling because he was either still in work/training or so tired that he couldn’t stay awake. We’d still message throughout the day but it would be minimal and short since he usually didn’t have time to write a thorough message.
So 2 weeks had gone by of us speaking less and not calling before I brought it up to him that I was unhappy with how much we were talking. I feel that I’m very understanding about other people being busy because I’m a busy person too, but it was like we weren’t even in a relationship. I told him I’d been upset almost every night because we hadn’t spoken and that it didn’t feel like we were even together anymore. He said he didn’t realise I felt like this and got upset that I’d been so down and that he hadn’t known about it. We spoke about ways we could solve it, but there weren’t any other options apart from us ending things. He said that his work situation wasn’t going to change until the Covid situation became better and there was no way of knowing when that would be. He also said that he couldn’t go on making me feel like that especially since he couldn’t promise me things would get better soon. He said he felt that I was definitely the “right person, wrong time”.
So eventually we decided to end it, but that we’d rekindle things in the future when he’s in a better position with work or when Covid eases up, we could actually see each other in person and maybe try again. He made it very clear that he didn’t want me to “wait” for him and put my life on hold meaning that if I wanted to date / met someone else then I should just for it. He didn’t want me to wait because it’s so uncertain how long the Covid situation will carry on for and so I could be waiting up to a year+ for him. We agreed that we would stay talking every day since we didn’t want to lose contact.
His replies were the same as how they were just before we broke up though (minimal and brief) and so eventually I suggested that maybe we should not force speaking everyday if he doesn’t actually have time for a proper conversation and that we should message every couple of weeks just to have a catchup and see how things are with each other. He agreed maybe that would be better. So, we haven’t spoken since then. I do plan to message him in a few more weeks to see how he’s doing though.
I feel I’m really struggling with the break up. Mainly because as cringe as it is, I’m certain he’s “the one” and that it’s just unfortunate circumstances that have caused things not to work right now. I feel that my heart wants to wait until he’s in a position to rekindle things, but then I’ve been told by friends and family that I should just live my life and forget about him. If he then happens to pop back up in the future and I’m single, it’ll be a pleasant surprise rather than me hoping he’ll come back to me and be disappointed if he doesn’t. If I could control my feelings, then clearly I’d do the more logical thing and just move on from him and if things were to be rekindled then it would be a nice surprise. But I can’t do anything at minute apart from think about him, our memories and what could’ve been if circumstances were different. It’s just consuming my thought and I just can’t switch my brain off from thinking about him! I almost feel that there’s no point me moving on because I know my heart will be with him so what’s the point dating others. Especially if he’d agreed that as soon as he’s in a better position with work then he’d message me straight away to start things again!
I just really don’t know what to do and how to make the situation more bearable. Any advice would be appreciated!
It is perfectly possible to find time for someone if you really want to, under any circumstances. I think you need to realise that he did not and does not love you and move on.
It sounds like he is hiding something, I am very sorry that you are going through this. I think you deserve better than this guy because he needs to make time for you, you deserve that much. It sounds like he may have other things on his plate. Some people use the "I don't wanna hold you back" excuse to move onto someone else. I'm not saying he was doing that for sure, but he may have been using that excuse. Someone who loves you wouldn't give you up without a fight. I hope this helped and I hope you feel better! Treat yourself
Thanks so much anyway!!
You seem so nice, and I don't think you or anyone would deserve the uncertainty that he's proposing. I think feeling emotional afterwards is often painted in a negative light, but it isn't, it just means you're processing something that's important to you, which is normal. Hope you're doing okay!