coping with parentsWatch
I'm autistic,and I have depression, anxiety, and some paranoia disorder I haven't pinned down or had diagnosed yet. Regardless, because of these, I suffer from burnout, exhaustion, constant anxiety, and a plethora of physical health problems because of my stress hormones going insane all the time.
My parents do make my mental health worse. Living with them is a nightmare. My dad I avoid as much as possible, because he's extremely self absorbed, overly sensitive, and always lashing out in anger at me for the tiniest things. I have a monotone voice because my being autistic means I don't register tones of voice? Damn guess I've committed several war crimes because now my dad's furious at me and threatening to kick me out. That was my life up until I left for university. And now I have to go back because uni is killing me for other reasons.
My mum is arguably better, she at least doesn't threaten to throw me out when I have literally nowhere to go (my only friends who havent gone to university have family situations even worse than mine so... not going there.) She- despite being a literal qualified psychology teacher- is CONVINCED that my mental disorders are just excuses for me being lazy.
Oh, you're so exhausted from being depressed/burnout/masking all day every day that you can't even get out of bed or even read/draw/play a video game/something else you find fun? Damn you're just making excuses to not do work you lazy idiot
Oh, you physically start shaking and hyperventilating when in a heavily crowded area? Ha ha Just Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway
She doesn't believe that I genuinely can't just snap my fingers and motivate myself to do things at the drop of a hat. She doesn't understand why I get so burned out from simple things like going into town or doing my laundry at the uni campus laundrette (both things that involve a LOT of psyching myself up and also masking) and they're EXHAUSTING.
I'm really not sure what I'm trying to accomplish with this post, and it probably reads like an erratic mess, so apologies. I'm just feeling really down and stressed and I wish I didn't have to go home to that environment.