Was I groomed or just stupid

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Anonymous #1
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Hi. So I’ve been trying to rack my brain and figure out a lot of things. When bad stuff happens im very good at blocking things out so please bare with me. So basically when I was 15/16 I’m not 100% sure when this man contacted me but he is 8 years older. I was totally open about my age, he promised me loads of stuff, bought me presents, I thought I was safe because he was an raf man too etc etc second time meeting him he last minute booked a hotel and took me there, took me to a pub before hand and bought me alcohol, we went back to the hotel and he started trying to get it on, I said no and then I can’t remember much after that apart from being sore, anyway stupid me the next day consented to sex, 9 months later my son was born. His dad is very manipulative and controlling and he’s now affecting my sons life and mental health, he did it to me but I won’t have him do it to my son he doesn’t deserve it. After he had mentally messed with my head I did turn to drugs etc which I am now free of totally But my mental health suffered majorly from this and still does today but I just don’t know if I would have a case to try and finally speak out about this properly? Someone once mentioned to him about me and he said “oh she was old enough” and said to me “it’s ok it’s what you wanted at the time” I’m just so confused because I was 16 by the time anything had happened and it kind of feels like my word against his even though I have living dna proof I’m just a bit lost as he is very calculating and smart..very much like a narcissist to be honest.
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JustOneMoreThing
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Both, or you're a troll, in which case 'stupid' still applies.
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EugeneBrad
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(Original post by justonemorething)
both, or you're a troll, in which case 'stupid' still applies.
hahahahhaha yup, just stupid lmao
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by JustOneMoreThing)
Both, or you're a troll, in which case 'stupid' still applies.
Thanks for that very kind, helpful input. That shall be noted. ****.
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OceanCat
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Right now your concern is to protect your son. Have you family to talk to? Friends to talk to? Others as your support?

Could have been a bit of both, but you were young and mistakes are made. You cannot erase the past. Don't blame yourself. It doesn't help this in the present. What are you looking to do?
Last edited by OceanCat; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by SoulfulTwist)
Right now your concern is to protect your son. Have you family to talk to? Friends to talk to? Others as your support?

Could have been a bit of both, but you were young and mistakes are made. You cannot erase the past. Don't blame yourself. It doesn't help this in the present. What are you looking to do?
I just want to protect my son, I swore I’d never speak of it because his dad is so manipulative, verbally abusive and can hurt me in a heartbeat physically or mentally I just don’t know what I can do, but based on the two other responses I guess it is what it is and I’ve just gotta get on with it
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OceanCat
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I just want to protect my son, I swore I’d never speak of it because his dad is so manipulative, verbally abusive and can hurt me in a heartbeat physically or mentally I just don’t know what I can do, but based on the two other responses I guess it is what it is and I’ve just gotta get on with it
Not exactly. You need a support bubble, like your own parents and family. They can give the best advice and know exactly what is going on in your life right now.

Are you still seeing the father of your son? What hold does he have on you now? You want to be financially and emotionally independent from him.
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Anonymous #2
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If you're not a troll then I'd say you've been manipulated. Being pregnant is quite obvious, did your family and friends not notice? I'd stay away from the guy, seems to be bad to you, and more importantly bad to your son. Having a child is a big responsibility, especially at your age, so make sure you get help if you need it, there'll be help out there. Mistakes do happen but now not much can be changed. Hope you get the best out of a bad situation.

If you are a troll then hope your happy with wasting people's time. In that case you've not been manipulated but completely stupid.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by SoulfulTwist)
Not exactly. You need a support bubble, like your own parents and family. They can give the best advice and know exactly what is going on in your life right now.

Are you still seeing the father of your son? What hold does he have on you now? You want to be financially and emotionally independent from him.
Yeah my family aren’t very supportive etc so it’s very difficult unfortunately.

no me and him split when my son was a few months old, he found out I was pregnant and didn’t want to know so disappeared for 9 months then showed up to try play happy family’s, manipulate and tried to rape me so I basically told him to do one. He doesn’t like that I did that so he’s always seen me as an issue, he now has a new wife who doesn’t like me because we have a child together. He questions my son, screams in his face etc and he says if I try to stop him seeing him or try to get any money for child support then he’ll take me for full custody because he supposedly has the money to, financially I’m free emotionally it’s so difficult because he knows exactly how to get to me, to hurt me how he knows best
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If you're not a troll then I'd say you've been manipulated. Being pregnant is quite obvious, did your family and friends not notice? I'd stay away from the guy, seems to be bad to you, and more importantly bad to your son. Having a child is a big responsibility, especially at your age, so make sure you get help if you need it, there'll be help out there. Mistakes do happen but now not much can be changed. Hope you get the best out of a bad situation.

If you are a troll then hope your happy with wasting people's time. In that case you've not been manipulated but completely stupid.
I 100% promise I am not a troll, I am genuinely a person just had to go anonymous because it’s hard enough to speak about it and try find advice as it is. But thank you for your advice, no so when I was talking to him etc he made sure I was totally cut off from all friends. My mum found out and said if I ever see him again she’ll kill him. I then found out I was pregnant being 16 I was absolutely terrified so I hid it for 7 1/2 months (totally possible when you deny it yourself) he really did a number on me mentally. When he knew I was pregnant he just told me to get rid and I didn’t hear from him again until a month before my son was born, such a messy situation but I just wanted to know where I stood with all this, whether it’s best to just keep my mouth shut and carry on how I have been and just protect my son
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JustOneMoreThing
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for that very kind, helpful input. That shall be noted. ****.
You asked, I told you, next time don't ask people if you're stupid, there's half a chance you might not like the answer.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by JustOneMoreThing)
You asked, I told you, next time don't ask people if you're stupid, there's half a chance you might not like the answer.
Thank you.
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OceanCat
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah my family aren’t very supportive etc so it’s very difficult unfortunately.

no me and him split when my son was a few months old, he found out I was pregnant and didn’t want to know so disappeared for 9 months then showed up to try play happy family’s, manipulate and tried to rape me so I basically told him to do one. He doesn’t like that I did that so he’s always seen me as an issue, he now has a new wife who doesn’t like me because we have a child together. He questions my son, screams in his face etc and he says if I try to stop him seeing him or try to get any money for child support then he’ll take me for full custody because he supposedly has the money to, financially I’m free emotionally it’s so difficult because he knows exactly how to get to me, to hurt me how he knows best
This is really not my area, tbh. I do know there are support groups out there for things like this, maybe try finding one and joining it.
There must be other things you could do, have you tried searching on google etc?
Try to eliminate the ways in which he can hurt you.
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bones-mccoy
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In answer to the thread title, yes, it does sound like you were groomed. At 15/16, you're nowhere near ready for a serious relationship or parenthood. You were manipulated into having sex by a much older man, that's basically the definition of grooming.
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ANM775
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi. So I’ve been trying to rack my brain and figure out a lot of things. When bad stuff happens im very good at blocking things out so please bare with me. So basically when I was 15/16 I’m not 100% sure when this man contacted me but he is 8 years older. I was totally open about my age, he promised me loads of stuff, bought me presents, I thought I was safe because he was an raf man too etc etc second time meeting him he last minute booked a hotel and took me there, took me to a pub before hand and bought me alcohol, we went back to the hotel and he started trying to get it on, I said no and then I can’t remember much after that apart from being sore, anyway stupid me the next day consented to sex, 9 months later my son was born. His dad is very manipulative and controlling and he’s now affecting my sons life and mental health, he did it to me but I won’t have him do it to my son he doesn’t deserve it. After he had mentally messed with my head I did turn to drugs etc which I am now free of totally But my mental health suffered majorly from this and still does today but I just don’t know if I would have a case to try and finally speak out about this properly? Someone once mentioned to him about me and he said “oh she was old enough” and said to me “it’s ok it’s what you wanted at the time” I’m just so confused because I was 16 by the time anything had happened and it kind of feels like my word against his even though I have living dna proof I’m just a bit lost as he is very calculating and smart..very much like a narcissist to be honest.
He doesn't sound like a very nice man from what you've wrote but No you were not groomed imo as you said you were 16 before anything happened.

the cut off point is 16
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