I understand. I am in the same situation, very similar to the one you were describing. You can try the app I am using - GG Self Care, it helps me feel better about myself and accept myself no matter how I'm feeling. The most important thing in my opinion is to look at what can help you and not get too deep into the rest.Smoking helps you because it gives you a moment with yourself, although smoking isn't good, some research found that smokers can have better social interactions at work for example. You can take these moments to yourself, but instead of smoking just reflect and have a cup of tea or something...