Ways to combat, cope with negative people

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Analyst89
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#1
Report Thread starter 6 months ago
#1
I have experienced some bullying, people making fun of me, putting me down, belittling, giving the silent treatment. The last thread, I accidentally clicked on post anonymously.

These are some ways you can cope and do:

Active:

-Relax, don't care, ignore, don't be sensitive, act like you are not bothered
-Be happy
-Just indicate you disregard, for example, you can look at your watch, then do something
-If they say anything mean, insulting-give it them back, you could say 'I never knew you cared or was obsessed with me'.
-Mirror them, if they disregard you, do the same

Passive:

-Cut them out
-Don't care, don't say anything or do anything, give them no attention
-Be silent (in the sense don't visit their house or communicate with them, don't look to show them)
-Keep your distance, step away from them so they lose power in their games, behaviour

-Keep your distance
-Be independent
-Have goals, follow through
-Achieve, take care of yourself, make a success of yourself
-live well
-Have friends, have fun

You can add more stuff.
Last edited by Analyst89; 6 months ago
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Analyst89
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Reply from this thread:

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/sho....php?t=6805678

-Keep interactions minimal if relations
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Analyst89
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Also don't look to prove anything, do not seek acceptance.
Last edited by Analyst89; 6 months ago
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ROTL94
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(Original post by Analyst89)
Also don't look to prove anything, seek acceptance.
I would also add that the only kind of acceptance that matters is that which comes from inside you.
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Analyst89
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Also do not be bothered, if they see you are not bothered, they will lose power.
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Bang Outta Order
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(Original post by Analyst89)
Also do not be bothered, if they see you are not bothered, they will lose power.
These are all very defeatist. It seems as if you're suggesting just closing up. If you think about it. You never mentioned kill with kindness. Or go in smiling and energetic. Saying hi good morning 😀 even if you get air from them. Just reading your post made me feel oppressed and depressed lmfao. Your advice sounds cagey. That's just not gonna work. I do agree with distancing yourself from people who don't matter. You don't have to talk to everyone. But if I apply what you wrote to workplace issues it will make things worse. People will be happy you've closed up because it makes literally their job easier! And **** that. What if you're finally in a good mood too? You'll be scratching at the surface from the outside in while they've ignored your suffering in silence and will reject you. They'll roll you out the office like a corpse. Take it from me. I am VERY stroppy! I've had seven jobs and only my current position do I find myself finally doing the whole kill with kindness thing. And speaking up if I have something to say even if people get annoyed for no reason. It's good because no one can truly say that you're a bad person if they only ever see you in a good mood.

Also the "didn't know you were obsessed with me" bit is only good for the movies because in real life you're gonna get your ass kicked saying that and in the workplace you're gonna get furthermore alienated then booted.

I find pointing something out with a chuckle while looking straight at them does the trick. Like I HATE people who try to one up you. Like cut you off while you talk or if you say the right answer like "press # first then dial the outgoing number and extension" blah blah or something and everyone's like exactly then the one ass responds with "what was that?" or "so anyways" especially in group scenarios. Applying your advice, our response to that passive aggressive workplace belittling would be to either close up "stare at your watch" or sassy backchat. No no no noooo. They want to see you upset and onlookers like coworkers or classmates and even higher ups are curious how you'd respond and how you'll affect the dynamic or what standard you'll set when it comes to how they treat you going forward.... "Ignoring them or talking back" will set you up as the coward who can be walked over, or the unstable one who they can scapegoat and fire if anything goes wrong......... WITH MY advice, if someone tries to belittle your response like the example I have above, I suggest looking straight at them with your body in your chair facing them directly and sternly repeating what you said, then giving them a 👍 or asking "got it?" then whirling back around in your chair. You stood up to them, but not aggressively. Or you can be playful like "you didn't hear what I said!? What are you doing back there!? " then turn back around to your computer or whatever. Then there's entering the room. "Hello!" is a good thing. Some people literally hate happiness, but ignore them. Now if they're working, in the middle of a convo, whatever, just smile like 😀 while you pass em by. This can overpower them or entice them to give you the same energy back out of mere guilt being rude to someone who's not rude to them. Imagine how it'll make them look going forward if you're always nice or professional and not grumpy but they're rude or lie on you..... Now imagine if you're always ignoring them, no ones gonna feel bad for you even if you were just defending yourself.


I have an example later but I can't type all that now.
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Analyst89
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#7
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(Original post by Bang Outta Order)
These are all very defeatist. It seems as if you're suggesting just closing up. If you think about it. You never mentioned kill with kindness. Or go in smiling and energetic. Saying hi good morning 😀 even if you get air from them. Just reading your post made me feel oppressed and depressed lmfao. Your advice sounds cagey. That's just not gonna work. I do agree with distancing yourself from people who don't matter. You don't have to talk to everyone. But if I apply what you wrote to workplace issues it will make things worse. People will be happy you've closed up because it makes literally their job easier! And **** that. What if you're finally in a good mood too? You'll be scratching at the surface from the outside in while they've ignored your suffering in silence and will reject you. They'll roll you out the office like a corpse. Take it from me. I am VERY stroppy! I've had seven jobs and only my current position do I find myself finally doing the whole kill with kindness thing. And speaking up if I have something to say even if people get annoyed for no reason. It's good because no one can truly say that you're a bad person if they only ever see you in a good mood.

Also the "didn't know you were obsessed with me" bit is only good for the movies because in real life you're gonna get your ass kicked saying that and in the workplace you're gonna get furthermore alienated then booted.

I find pointing something out with a chuckle while looking straight at them does the trick. Like I HATE people who try to one up you. Like cut you off while you talk or if you say the right answer like "press # first then dial the outgoing number and extension" blah blah or something and everyone's like exactly then the one ass responds with "what was that?" or "so anyways" especially in group scenarios. Applying your advice, our response to that passive aggressive workplace belittling would be to either close up "stare at your watch" or sassy backchat. No no no noooo. They want to see you upset and onlookers like coworkers or classmates and even higher ups are curious how you'd respond and how you'll affect the dynamic or what standard you'll set when it comes to how they treat you going forward.... "Ignoring them or talking back" will set you up as the coward who can be walked over, or the unstable one who they can scapegoat and fire if anything goes wrong......... WITH MY advice, if someone tries to belittle your response like the example I have above, I suggest looking straight at them with your body in your chair facing them directly and sternly repeating what you said, then giving them a 👍 or asking "got it?" then whirling back around in your chair. You stood up to them, but not aggressively. Or you can be playful like "you didn't hear what I said!? What are you doing back there!? " then turn back around to your computer or whatever. Then there's entering the room. "Hello!" is a good thing. Some people literally hate happiness, but ignore them. Now if they're working, in the middle of a convo, whatever, just smile like 😀 while you pass em by. This can overpower them or entice them to give you the same energy back out of mere guilt being rude to someone who's not rude to them. Imagine how it'll make them look going forward if you're always nice or professional and not grumpy but they're rude or lie on you..... Now imagine if you're always ignoring them, no ones gonna feel bad for you even if you were just defending yourself.


I have an example later but I can't type all that now.
Hey,

Brilliant post, a lot of great advice and suggestions, thanks for this .
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Bang Outta Order
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(Original post by Analyst89)
Hey,

Brilliant post, a lot of great advice and suggestions, thanks for this .
One example just from today is that I know a coworker who I despise got hired only because a current employee referred her. Referrals get cash bonuses and merchandise prizes, gift cards etc. You can roll off the street and get hired if a current employee refers you to a recruiter.

So after days of driving me crazy, in front of her I asked a higher up: "do you get money for an employee referral?" He said yes in front of her. 😏😶🤣 he tried to clean it up but too late. Basically meaning that she only got hired because the current employee got money for it, not because she's good. A percentage of that money he got AND a percentage of her first pay goes to the recruiting team. So they get what they wanted even if she gets fired after her first pay drops. See?


Now I'm not thinking about if she gets fired but I am happy that it's in the open that she only got hired for that reason. But I didn't have to say a word about it or lose my cool, see? Maybe it'll humble her and keep her quiet. I already see an immediate change like complimenting my clothes and scent and letting me finish my sentence. I'll still watch out for her though. I see the guy who referred her barely knows her. He totally just wanted money. Smh. That's why I'm glad I got this job with no referrals. I got it on my bloody own.


I'm not trying to be mean but it's my way of appropriately, professionally standing up for myself.
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Analyst89
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#9
Report Thread starter 5 months ago
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Also sometimes the most powerful thing to do in situations where people say something horrible to you, is not to say anything, pause and calmly walk out the room.
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Final Fantasy
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The best, most consistent way to combat bullies I find, in the long run, is to just ignore them as if they don't exist. Tbh, to me they mean so little that they might as well not exist at all. Not relevant to my life.
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Analyst89
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#11
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I agree with your Final Fantasy.

Ignoring them totally, bullies hate that.
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Analyst89
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#12
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Also be strong and confident, for example if it is someone in the family, involve your self in family get together and conversation, don't give off the vibe that whatever it is, upsetting you.
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username1340420
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#13
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Look up 'Narcissism,' it might help you understand why such people do these things to you. When you understand you will then get your piece of mind.
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