Girlfriend gained 5 stone over the year. What do I do?

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Anonymous #1
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Basically as the title says my girlfriend gained 5 stone over lockdown. She was 10 stone going into 2020 and now shes 15 stone. What should I do? I dont think I'm physically attracted to her anymore due to her weight right now and my friends are telling me I should call it quits but at the same time other than that shes amazing. I'm not fully decided on what I should do. I don't really want to talk to her about it because I think it's kinda rude just trying to get her to lose weight as it's her body and not mine but at the same time I dont think I'm attracted to her anymore because of her weight.

But yeah please let me know what I should do in this situation. Do I talk to her about it? Do I just end the relationship? Because at the moment it feels like I'm emotionally attracted to her but not physically. Thanks.
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winxgf
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I can sympathise with you both, honestly. I don't really think it's your fault because you can't control if you're not attracted to someone. I can also sympathise with your gf coz I suffer with an eating disorder and that's why, there could be other reasons behind it. Maybe I'm just thinking too deeply, it could be because of quarantine too?

Either way, if you truly love her, you should be 100% honest with her. I wouldn't really phrase it as "you're fat, I don't like u" but more so encourage her to take healthy steps to improve her HEALTH. You might have to be really gentle with the topic though because it could upset her. Obviously, if she doesn't want to lose weight, that's completely her choice and that's good for her. But you can't help what you're attracted to so you'll have to choose wisely.

That being said, I honestly can't make assumptions. But 5 stones is A LOT of weight to gain in a year. And I know some people have been overeating because of quarantine but there really could be some other explanation like I said earlier because most people don't gain to this extent
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by winxgf)
I can sympathise with you both, honestly. I don't really think it's your fault because you can't control if you're not attracted to someone. I can also sympathise with your gf coz I suffer with an eating disorder and that's why, there could be other reasons behind it. Maybe I'm just thinking too deeply, it could be because of quarantine too?

Either way, if you truly love her, you should be 100% honest with her. I wouldn't really phrase it as "you're fat, I don't like u" but more so encourage her to take healthy steps to improve her HEALTH. You might have to be really gentle with the topic though because it could upset her. Obviously, if she doesn't want to lose weight, that's completely her choice and that's good for her. But you can't help what you're attracted to so you'll have to choose wisely.

That being said, I honestly can't make assumptions. But 5 stones is A LOT of weight to gain in a year. And I know some people have been overeating because of quarantine but there really could be some other explanation like I said earlier because most people don't gain to this extent
Maybe I do need to be honest but I dont know how I can without sounding rude which is why I didnt want to say anything. I dont know if she wants to but I dont want to pressure her into doing something she doesnt want and yeah the weight issue is really pulling me off being physically attracted to her. I love everything else about her though its just the weight issue with even my friends saying I should end it. And true it could be due to quarantine.
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ANM775
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(Original post by Anonymous)
And true it could be due to quarantine.

Sounds like you need to quarantine that fridge mate..
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winxgf
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Maybe I do need to be honest but I dont know how I can without sounding rude which is why I didnt want to say anything. I dont know if she wants to but I dont want to pressure her into doing something she doesnt want and yeah the weight issue is really pulling me off being physically attracted to her. I love everything else about her though its just the weight issue with even my friends saying I should end it. And true it could be due to quarantine.
Has she mentioned anything about her weight herself? If not about her weight, just ask about her in general. Ask if she's doing alright. Obviously, you can't really go out and about and do things coz of lockdown again zzz. But maybe just go for walks under the pretence that it's calming and you wanna spend time with her or something. If you've noticed other behaviours like being more isolated or low mood or something, she could be depressed too idk.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Maybe I do need to be honest but I dont know how I can without sounding rude which is why I didnt want to say anything. I dont know if she wants to but I dont want to pressure her into doing something she doesnt want and yeah the weight issue is really pulling me off being physically attracted to her. I love everything else about her though its just the weight issue with even my friends saying I should end it. And true it could be due to quarantine.
5 stone is a serious amount in less than a year, if she started at 10 st and has gained half her weight in less than a year I’d advise going to a Dr. There might be more going on than just a lockdown weight gain.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by winxgf)
Has she mentioned anything about her weight herself? If not about her weight, just ask about her in general. Ask if she's doing alright. Obviously, you can't really go out and about and do things coz of lockdown again zzz. But maybe just go for walks under the pretence that it's calming and you wanna spend time with her or something. If you've noticed other behaviours like being more isolated or low mood or something, she could be depressed too idk.
Well she said that shes 15 stone last time I saw her and she does lot a lot bigger now yeah. Other than that I think her mood has gone down a bit as in shes less bubbly and I kind of get the vibe that shes not as happy as much as she use to be but other than that she hasnt acted too much differently. I asked her what's up a few times and she says nothing so idk now.
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candydiva
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Dude if u luv her and everything else is amazing then ur first plan is to help her return to health. U will need to make an effort to integrate urself into the plan too like 30 mins of zumba or watever and that way u can share the emotional burden. It is very hard to raise this issue without giving offense frankly watever u do, there r gonna be tears and stress the question is, will she be convinced that u want to be with her and work through this time with her?
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Callicious
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(Original post by ANM775)
Sounds like you need to quarantine that fridge mate..
If I could insert that "Absolutely Barbaric" meme I would. I could.... but I'm lazy. So savage that the boy falling into the Spartan pit is glad about his demise!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ANM775)
Sounds like you need to quarantine that fridge mate..
Friends have been saying that for ages to me on social media and even in person that I need to move on. But idk man. Like imagine if I moved on and she was the obe

(Original post by Anonymous)
5 stone is a serious amount in less than a year, if she started at 10 st and has gained half her weight in less than a year I’d advise going to a Dr. There might be more going on than just a lockdown weight gain.
True. But I dont want to be rude saying it though and I dont want to upset her, talking about it which is why I havent said anything to her about it after she told me.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ANM775)
Sounds like you need to quarantine that fridge mate..
*Friends have said that to me for ages on social media and in person. But imagine if I dumped her and shes the one for me. That's why idek what to do. At the same time though theres a chance my friends could be right. So yeah.

Just that her gaining 5 stone is really alarming and I know if I try to help her she will get upset and I'll look rude which I dont really want to look.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by candydiva)
Dude if u luv her and everything else is amazing then ur first plan is to help her return to health. U will need to make an effort to integrate urself into the plan too like 30 mins of zumba or watever and that way u can share the emotional burden. It is very hard to raise this issue without giving offense frankly watever u do, there r gonna be tears and stress the question is, will she be convinced that u want to be with her and work through this time with her?
Well if I say to her something like that I already know she will get offended and her loud friends will probably insult me to her or something tbh. So yeah I've got no idea on what to do. My friends are begging for me to end it though but Idk man.
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GabiAbi84
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well if I say to her something like that I already know she will get offended and her loud friends will probably insult me to her or something tbh. So yeah I've got no idea on what to do. My friends are begging for me to end it though but Idk man.
Look I get that you’re no longer physically attracted to your girlfriend but please stop bringing up “your mates are telling you to dump her”. It’s your decision what you do, stop letting their thoughts influence you. It’s got nothing to do with them.
Last edited by GabiAbi84; 1 month ago
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candydiva
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Only immature ppl pay any regard to wat their "mates" tell them they should do...or internet strangers... u must decide for urself but u sound like a more reasonable dude than many on TSR. I hope u can find a way forwards.

Just remember...when she returns to hot n' smoking in the future, u don't want to be self-exiled to the shelf....
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by GabiAbi84)
Look I get that you’re no longer physically attracted to your girlfriend but please stop bringing up “your mates are telling you to dump her”. It’s your decision what you do, stop letting their thoughts influence you. It’s got nothing to do with them.
The fact that they keep saying it though is just getting to my head that's why. But I wanted to know the opinions of people here because I believe that I'll make a better decision from the responses I get here than my mates in most cases.
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Dunnig Kruger
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I think you already know this, but just to confirm:

Do not raise the subject of her weight.

Sooner or later she will raise the subject. When she does, that's your chance to have a discussion with her about it - from her point of view and not from yours.
IE you don't say "I don't find you physically attractive any more." But you can say "How do you feel about your weight?" in response to her saying something about her weight.

Also make it clear that you can and will support her in her efforts to get to a healthier weight. That's assuming that you're willing to take on some or all of the food shopping and cooking for her. And that she's not one of those excessively faddy eaters.
There's some interesting videos on this topic here:
https://nutritionfacts.org/topics/weight-loss/

Edit: And everyone deserves a second chance. She deserves a chance to bring her weight down, gradually over time, with some relatively small changes to her lifestyle.
Give her that chance and see how things go...
Last edited by Dunnig Kruger; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #2
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Firstly ignore don’t give a crap about what your friends say, they aren’t in the relationship, you are, it’s what you think about her that matters.

(And frankly it’s *****y friends that talk about your gf’s weight?!)

If she’s amazing in all other things then I’d be more concerned with working out a way to talk to her about saying you want to help her be healthy again. Not working out if you want to be with her.

She’s gained weight, she’ll know it, talking about it practically will be more comfortable to her than tip toeing around the subject. “Lockdown has been hard, I’ve gained weight, you’ve gained weight, would you like to try some super basic workouts together?”

It’s harder to find a decent human as a partner than a skinny human.
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WilB
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she can do better
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winxgf
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(Original post by Anonymous)
*Friends have said that to me for ages on social media and in person. But imagine if I dumped her and shes the one for me. That's why idek what to do. At the same time though theres a chance my friends could be right. So yeah.

Just that her gaining 5 stone is really alarming and I know if I try to help her she will get upset and I'll look rude which I dont really want to look.
I'm sorry but **** what your friends are saying to you. They're clearly just saying it because AESTHETICALLY she doesn't fit into what they want anymore. Obviously, not being attracted to her because she's bigger is fine. But if you can see that she's 'less bubbly' something is going on and you should support her through whatever's going on
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GabiAbi84
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The fact that they keep saying it though is just getting to my head that's why. But I wanted to know the opinions of people here because I believe that I'll make a better decision from the responses I get here than my mates in most cases.
Then tell them to shut up!

Only you really know what you want to do. You say you love her-then talk to her. You don’t have to come out and say “you’re fat” but you’re in a relationship with her you should be able to talk to her about how you’re feeling.
Last edited by GabiAbi84; 1 month ago
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