How to sort my friends life out?

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Anonymous #1
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So let’s just call my friend John for this. John has no qualifications he has nothing on apart from playing Xbox all day while we’ve moved onto unis and jobs etc...

Recently we found out John and his girlfriend (who is just as bad) are having a kid at 18. Now I’m not his dad or anything I’m just a really concerned friend. We spoke to him about how he MUST get a job but he lies about applying to them and just spends his days doing nothing about it with a kid on the way. We try not to lecture him or anything but we let him know of the significance of a kid and how he needs to get his act together especially recently because he spent his rent money on the new Xbox and has £3 left to feed himself for a month. Is there anything that can be done to help? I’d hate to see him screw up his life even more but it just seems like he is trying to run from responsibility.
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Surnia
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You can't help those who won't help themselves; the motivation to change has got to come from John.

Have you lectured the girlfriend in the same way, as it's a joint responsibility?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Surnia)
You can't help those who won't help themselves; the motivation to change has got to come from John.

Have you lectured the girlfriend in the same way, as it's a joint responsibility?
We have no way of communicating with his girlfriend but we did tell him that she also needs to take action too but hasn’t listened. From the get go I warned him because she never pushed him or motivated him and clearly it’s had an effect on him unfortunately.
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Surnia
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(Original post by Anonymous)
We have no way of communicating with his girlfriend but we did tell him that she also needs to take action too but hasn’t listened. From the get go I warned him because she never pushed him or motivated him and clearly it’s had an effect on him unfortunately.
So why wasn't he self-motivated before he met this girl, or whilst he has been with her? If he has no qualifications it sounds as though he has had issues for a long time, and I understand he's your friend, but it it comes over as like attracting like with the relationship.
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Angela1001
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So let’s just call my friend John for this. John has no qualifications he has nothing on apart from playing Xbox all day while we’ve moved onto unis and jobs etc...

Recently we found out John and his girlfriend (who is just as bad) are having a kid at 18. Now I’m not his dad or anything I’m just a really concerned friend. We spoke to him about how he MUST get a job but he lies about applying to them and just spends his days doing nothing about it with a kid on the way. We try not to lecture him or anything but we let him know of the significance of a kid and how he needs to get his act together especially recently because he spent his rent money on the new Xbox and has £3 left to feed himself for a month. Is there anything that can be done to help? I’d hate to see him screw up his life even more but it just seems like he is trying to run from responsibility.
There is nothing you can do. They wil have to sort it out themselves or you'll be doing it for them for the rest of their lives.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Surnia)
So why wasn't he self-motivated before he met this girl, or whilst he has been with her? If he has no qualifications it sounds as though he has had issues for a long time, and I understand he's your friend, but it it comes over as like attracting like with the relationship.
Well it’s weird but he had ups and downs before GCSEs he’s struggled so we tried to offer him as much support as possible then when he went to college he was doing well just needed up making friends with people who didn’t have any regard for their futures and joined them. Now we’re here while he does seem motivated he just doesn’t open up or do anything regardless of how much we try and support him it’s just sad to see a friend go down that badly but I suppose we can’t help if he doesn’t wanna take action.
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londonmyst
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He's an adult there is nothing that you can do to sort his life out for him against his will.
His gf is very unlikely to remain closely involved with a workshy, lying and unreliable bf that make little or no positive contribution to her or their child's lives.
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JustOneMoreThing
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You’ve done what you can as a good friend, the rest is up to him.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
He's an adult there is nothing that you can do to sort his life out for him against his will.
His gf is very unlikely to remain closely involved with a workshy, lying and unreliable bf that make little or no positive contribution to her or their child's lives.
Since we have no communication with her we’ve tried telling him to let her know about jobs that are available and local but she just refuses to try even before the baby was added into the picture but I suppose we have to let them learn the hard way.
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LovelyMrFox
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As great as a friend you may be trying to be, this is not your problem. Hopefully when the child comes he'll get some sense knocked into him.
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