Asians...am I just imagining stuff?

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Anonymous #1
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Right... so... this is a long story so Im warning the lot of you now... my dad has a friend he has known for more than 10 years but we have never been to his place or anything til a few weeks ago. We are Asian and Muslim and I am the oldest child (my parents have 5 kids) and my dads friend has 6 kids (5 girls and 1 boy). I think you can see where this is going...

Im in my final year of uni and my parents basically want me married when I graduate and stuff. However my dad doesnt want anyone who was born in the UK cause of reasons I think Asian kids would know and I was born in the UK myself however lived abroad for a few years which is why I am a bit different (I do have a British accent and go to uni in the UK). So, basically... Our families have houses in Turkey and we went to their house to visit them (Im in turkey now cause uni is online anyway).

And my dad told me that he asked his friends if he could find someone for me and his friend kind of got upset with my dad after that day til quite recently cause my dad didnt ask for his daughters and I didnt quite understand that...

So we went to their house and my mum told me when we left, that they were SUPER hospitable (and that was unusual cause they were upset with my dad and werent quite hospital in the past) and then my parents basically told me that they were hospitable cause I was there (and you can make out the rest)

But heres the hard bit... I actually like their second daughter who is only one year younger than me... dont get me wrong, their first one is a year older and both of them are good looking but the second one makes me happier than ever and is the sweetest person ever... she is also the most beautiful girl I have ever seen (a lot more beautiful than any of the girls at uni) and she makes me smile.. however... I do not know how I will be talking to my parents about this...good news is that they like her a bit too because she is a very kind and decent however... they want someone who speaks urdu etc. and she doesnt while I speak urdu and turkish.

Like, the first time we went to their place I didnt even talk to her, but whenever I looked at her, she would look at my eyes and then Id look away and look back and she would look at me again and smile.. and that is unusual in our culture cause we are supposed to "lower our gaze"...

Please feel free to ask me questions cause I know I mustve missed out some detail which would help you understand the situation better.

But I have three main questions

1) does she like me?
2) Are my parents right about her parents liking me?
3) How do I talk to my parents about this?
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candydiva
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Wow heavy stuff. No idea! I am glad my life doesn't seem to have such complicated probs. I meet a dude, hook up if I want to, see him again if I want to, no big deal. Parents' friend's children and muslim xpectations aren't in my life.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by candydiva)
Wow heavy stuff. No idea! I am glad my life doesn't seem to have such complicated probs. I meet a dude, hook up if I want to, see him again if I want to, no big deal. Parents' friend's children and muslim xpectations aren't in my life.
right cool..
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Anonymous #1
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Anyone have any useful advise to offer? Or anything to comment?
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Anonymous #2
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dude smiling does not mean someone likes you it's weird how guys see a girl smile at them and take it as sign of them liking them.since you mentioned she's a decent and quite sociable person then it's quite possible she's just being nice and nothing else.Coming from a desi family i can tell desi parents have high expectations.maybe they want a DIL who's fluent in urdu since they want to preserve their culture there's high chances of you raising kids as turkish than pakistani.Ngl uni is not a rishta bureu so stop comparing uni girls with other girls.Also if you get along with her family then talk to your family about it but if you don't get along with any single one of them then i would say reconsider it since desi family create family drama alot and then ruin marriages.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
dude smiling does not mean someone likes you it's weird how guys see a girl smile at them and take it as sign of them liking them.since you mentioned she's a decent and quite sociable person then it's quite possible she's just being nice and nothing else.Coming from a desi family i can tell desi parents have high expectations.maybe they want a DIL who's fluent in urdu since they want to preserve their culture there's high chances of you raising kids as turkish than pakistani.Ngl uni is not a rishta bureu so stop comparing uni girls with other girls.Also if you get along with her family then talk to your family about it but if you don't get along with any single one of them then i would say reconsider it since desi family create family drama alot and then ruin marriages.
I dont mind speaking Turkish and neither do my parents, they just dont want my kids speaking English. I actually speak Turkish fluently and that helps cause a lot of people dont speak English in Turkey. And I actually want to have a future in Turkey too so that helps and that is why my parents have a few houses here.

And I like their family ngl and so do my parents (my mum just thinks theyre alright but my dad is starting a business with her dad and he just left 30 minutes ago to attend a meeting with him).

And I didnt say she is quite sociable, she doesnt have any friends in Turkey and doesnt go outside unless absolutely necessary.
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username5448338
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Salaam

1) There seems to be mutual attraction. It’s quite clear that she does seem to acknowledge you, which is always a good place to start. Can’t tell if she likes on based on eye contact alone, but since her and your family have known each other for 10 years, it’s plausible that she might have feelings for you...

2) Not sure if there is enough info in the OP to comment on this aspect-

3) Do your parents know that you like her - have they picked up on the hints that you have feelings for her. If not, my advice (for what it’s worth) is to just tell your parents straight up, don’t make things difficult for her and yourself (assuming she feels the same way) as you don’t want to fall into haram.

May Allah makes things easier for you two and respective families. Ameen
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Nadia.j97)
Salaam

1) There seems to be mutual attraction. It’s quite clear that she does seem to acknowledge you, which is always a good place to start. Can’t tell if she likes on based on eye contact alone, but since her and your family have known each other for 10 years, it’s plausible that she might have feelings for you...

2) Not sure if there is enough info in the OP to comment on this aspect-

3) Do your parents know that you like her - have they picked up on the hints that you have feelings for her. If not, my advice (for what it’s worth) is to just tell your parents straight up, don’t make things difficult for her and yourself (assuming she feels the same way) as you don’t want to fall into haram.

May Allah makes things easier for you two and respective families. Ameen
alaikum salam.

Thank you for answering those questions.

Well... for the second question, my parents theory is: They have been a bit moody with my parents ever since my dad told her dad straight up that he didnt want a british born girl etc. And once I came to Turkey to visit them, they were the most hospitable ever. I remember my mum complaining about how they were rude and stuff and a few days ago she was like "they were so hospitable" and my dad heard that and said "well we both know it was cause someone was there" and then I asked my mum later on what my dad meant and she told me that they were hospitable cause they wanted to impress me? If you get me? Cause the girls wore makeup and they actually never did that before I was told and they were super kind. As soon as we entered the house they were there to greet us, they served us tea and every time she saw me she has this wierd look... like... I know that look cause girls have looked at me like that and I know what that look means but I am still unsure cause their parents are super religious and they moved to turkey cause of that reason in the first place. And to me, it felt amazing whenever I looked at her and Id try to stay calm and she would look at me and sometimes she wouldnt smile.. she would just look... and I would too and then Id stop looking and then when I look back, she would be looking at me..

I seriously wish she likes me.. cause she is a really nice person from what I know. Her dad is actually a really good guy who has done a lot for the ummah and yes he does have a few negative stuff about him but the good stuff stand out tbh.
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YaliaV123
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(Original post by candydiva)
Wow heavy stuff. No idea! I am glad my life doesn't seem to have such complicated probs. I meet a dude, hook up if I want to, see him again if I want to, no big deal. Parents' friend's children and muslim xpectations aren't in my life.
You’re being very modest because following the orders of your master must be very gruelling
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candydiva
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(Original post by YaliaV123)
You’re being very modest because following the orders of your master must be very gruelling
Not rlly... coz even when he is demanding, his orders r always rlly fun And his orders r not always demanding in the way u may think. For xample two weeks ago at the beach in RD there weren't many ppl and the sun was going down and master ordered me to lose my bikini bra. So I did. We drank the cocktails on the beach. The fun part is he ordered them from the bar and the waiterboi brought them to the umbrella and ofc he saw and stared lol! Master always tells me my boobs are the biggest and best on the beach and they should be bare. He said to the server "Amigo te quieras las tetas lindas?" All he can say was "Siii.... me gusta mucho" before he ran back to the bar. So not too tuff I'd say...
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username5448338
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(Original post by Anonymous)
alaikum salam.

Thank you for answering those questions.

Well... for the second question, my parents theory is: They have been a bit moody with my parents ever since my dad told her dad straight up that he didnt want a british born girl etc. And once I came to Turkey to visit them, they were the most hospitable ever. I remember my mum complaining about how they were rude and stuff and a few days ago she was like "they were so hospitable" and my dad heard that and said "well we both know it was cause someone was there" and then I asked my mum later on what my dad meant and she told me that they were hospitable cause they wanted to impress me? If you get me? Cause the girls wore makeup and they actually never did that before I was told and they were super kind. As soon as we entered the house they were there to greet us, they served us tea and every time she saw me she has this wierd look... like... I know that look cause girls have looked at me like that and I know what that look means but I am still unsure cause their parents are super religious and they moved to turkey cause of that reason in the first place. And to me, it felt amazing whenever I looked at her and Id try to stay calm and she would look at me and sometimes she wouldnt smile.. she would just look... and I would too and then Id stop looking and then when I look back, she would be looking at me..

I seriously wish she likes me.. cause she is a really nice person from what I know. Her dad is actually a really good guy who has done a lot for the ummah and yes he does have a few negative stuff about him but the good stuff stand out tbh.
No problem

So in the original post, you said your family visited their house for the first time. But in the above post, you've stated that you visited them in the past?

Are you sure this was not a secret marriage meeting planned by both sides to get your reaction? Also, I think that there are some major red flags - you said their family is 'super religious' - but its okay for the daughter to be adorned for a 'potential'?

I think you need to think more carefully about the whole situation and do your research. I think you are infatuated with the sister and vice versa.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, just my thoughts - make of it what you will.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Nadia.j97)
No problem

So in the original post, you said your family visited their house for the first time. But in the above post, you've stated that you visited them in the past?

Are you sure this was not a secret marriage meeting planned by both sides to get your reaction? Also, I think that there are some major red flags - you said their family is 'super religious' - but its okay for the daughter to be adorned for a 'potential'?

I think you need to think more carefully about the whole situation and do your research. I think you are infatuated with the sister and vice versa.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, just my thoughts - make of it what you will.
I dont think I stated that I visited them in the past? But if I did, then I am sorry cause I didnt. My parents have though.

And I dont think it was? However it couldve been.. cause my mum was like "your dad was 50 -50 about it anyway cause he likes her dad " etc. but the fact that she doesnt speak urdu, pulled her back.

Yeah, I find it unusual too... how can you be such a religious person but then let your daughters wear makeup in front of grown up boys... strange ngl... but thats what it was?

wait.. she has an infatuation for me? how can you tell?! That is kinda like good news for me lmao
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2003a39
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Right... so... this is a long story so Im warning the lot of you now... my dad has a friend he has known for more than 10 years but we have never been to his place or anything til a few weeks ago. We are Asian and Muslim and I am the oldest child (my parents have 5 kids) and my dads friend has 6 kids (5 girls and 1 boy). I think you can see where this is going...

Im in my final year of uni and my parents basically want me married when I graduate and stuff. However my dad doesnt want anyone who was born in the UK cause of reasons I think Asian kids would know and I was born in the UK myself however lived abroad for a few years which is why I am a bit different (I do have a British accent and go to uni in the UK). So, basically... Our families have houses in Turkey and we went to their house to visit them (Im in turkey now cause uni is online anyway).

And my dad told me that he asked his friends if he could find someone for me and his friend kind of got upset with my dad after that day til quite recently cause my dad didnt ask for his daughters and I didnt quite understand that...

So we went to their house and my mum told me when we left, that they were SUPER hospitable (and that was unusual cause they were upset with my dad and werent quite hospital in the past) and then my parents basically told me that they were hospitable cause I was there (and you can make out the rest)

But heres the hard bit... I actually like their second daughter who is only one year younger than me... dont get me wrong, their first one is a year older and both of them are good looking but the second one makes me happier than ever and is the sweetest person ever... she is also the most beautiful girl I have ever seen (a lot more beautiful than any of the girls at uni) and she makes me smile.. however... I do not know how I will be talking to my parents about this...good news is that they like her a bit too because she is a very kind and decent however... they want someone who speaks urdu etc. and she doesnt while I speak urdu and turkish.

Like, the first time we went to their place I didnt even talk to her, but whenever I looked at her, she would look at my eyes and then Id look away and look back and she would look at me again and smile.. and that is unusual in our culture cause we are supposed to "lower our gaze"...

Please feel free to ask me questions cause I know I mustve missed out some detail which would help you understand the situation better.

But I have three main questions

1) does she like me?
2) Are my parents right about her parents liking me?
3) How do I talk to my parents about this?
Lower your gaze means to not look at women in an area that provokes lustful thoughts.

1) You can't be so sure, I've been in similar situations with girls.
2) Maybe, it does seem like they have respect for you.
3) You could ask your parents to speak to her parents on a deeper level about their daughter, and then tell them that you feel like she's the one. I'm no expert on this though.
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Anonymous #2
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makeup just makes you presentable i never knew girls wear it to impress boys.you're leaving hints fot audience to assume.i think you should ask yourself if you're ready for a marriage?are you mature enough to handle someone else?have a conversation with her because honestly this looks like you're just assuming stuff.if you are ready to get married and are in a process of finding a girl then you should tell your parents and next time just straight up ask her what her plans are.
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tinygirl96
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No
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username5448338
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I dont think I stated that I visited them in the past? But if I did, then I am sorry cause I didnt. My parents have though.

And I dont think it was? However it couldve been.. cause my mum was like "your dad was 50 -50 about it anyway cause he likes her dad " etc. but the fact that she doesnt speak urdu, pulled her back.

Yeah, I find it unusual too... how can you be such a religious person but then let your daughters wear makeup in front of grown up boys... strange ngl... but thats what it was?

wait.. she has an infatuation for me? how can you tell?! That is kinda like good news for me lmao
They have been a bit moody with my parents ever since my dad told her dad straight up that he didnt want a british born girl etc. And once I came to Turkey to visit them....

Initially, it looks like you meant you went Turkey previously, grammar does do wonders :lol:

Maybe, who knows.

Let your parents know of your intentions to marry and keep it halaal - If you are serious. Otherwise, it’s pointless speculation.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 2003a39)
Lower your gaze means to not look at women in an area that provokes lustful thoughts.

1) You can't be so sure, I've been in similar situations with girls.
2) Maybe, it does seem like they have respect for you.
3) You could ask your parents to speak to her parents on a deeper level about their daughter, and then tell them that you feel like she's the one. I'm no expert on this though.
(Original post by Anonymous)
makeup just makes you presentable i never knew girls wear it to impress boys.you're leaving hints fot audience to assume.i think you should ask yourself if you're ready for a marriage?are you mature enough to handle someone else?have a conversation with her because honestly this looks like you're just assuming stuff.if you are ready to get married and are in a process of finding a girl then you should tell your parents and next time just straight up ask her what her plans are.
(Original post by tinygirl96)
No
(Original post by Nadia.j97)
They have been a bit moody with my parents ever since my dad told her dad straight up that he didnt want a british born girl etc. And once I came to Turkey to visit them....

Initially, it looks like you meant you went Turkey previously, grammar does do wonders :lol:

Maybe, who knows.

Let your parents know of your intentions to marry and keep it halaal - If you are serious. Otherwise, it’s pointless speculation.
Thank you for your advise however I dont really think I will be able to talk to her around my parents and nor will she be able to talk to me around hers.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
alaikum salam.

Thank you for answering those questions.

Well... for the second question, my parents theory is: They have been a bit moody with my parents ever since my dad told her dad straight up that he didnt want a british born girl etc. And once I came to Turkey to visit them, they were the most hospitable ever. I remember my mum complaining about how they were rude and stuff and a few days ago she was like "they were so hospitable" and my dad heard that and said "well we both know it was cause someone was there" and then I asked my mum later on what my dad meant and she told me that they were hospitable cause they wanted to impress me? If you get me? Cause the girls wore makeup and they actually never did that before I was told and they were super kind. As soon as we entered the house they were there to greet us, they served us tea and every time she saw me she has this wierd look... like... I know that look cause girls have looked at me like that and I know what that look means but I am still unsure cause their parents are super religious and they moved to turkey cause of that reason in the first place. And to me, it felt amazing whenever I looked at her and Id try to stay calm and she would look at me and sometimes she wouldnt smile.. she would just look... and I would too and then Id stop looking and then when I look back, she would be looking at me..

I seriously wish she likes me.. cause she is a really nice person from what I know. Her dad is actually a really good guy who has done a lot for the ummah and yes he does have a few negative stuff about him but the good stuff stand out tbh.
what bad stuff about him
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
what bad stuff about him
I cant really tell someone who is anon can I? Youcould be his daughter for all I know lol
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I cant really tell someone who is anon can I? Youcould be his daughter for all I know lol
your anon so its ok
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