Boyfriend talking to another girl

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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Boyfriend talking to another girl

Alright so basically.. my bf is going to uni next year and started joining uni chats. Then a girl came into his DMs talking to him. Within 10 mins my boyfriend says how she’s sending voice messages to him, tells me a lot about her life. I felt a bit uncomfortable at this point as this girl that he’s only known for 10 mins is sending him voice messages and he said that it wasn’t weird at all and didn’t get why I felt uncomfortable.

I told him after talking to 2 of my friend and them telling me to just bring it up that I felt awkward and uncomfortable and he said he ‘phrased it badly’ and that he was telling the truth but what struck me was that I never asked for the truth at that point and he jumped to that.

Then we sort of argued and he said that ‘he makes friends differently and she’s nice and that she’s a friend’ at this point it was a bit weird considering they only knew each other for an hour that she was now his friend.

We argued and I asked him if she knew he was taken. He said yeah I told her. But in my head I now wonder whether she asked him that or he told her straight up. It baffles me slightly because if she knows he is taken, why within 20 mins of talking is she voice messaging him because I just think it’s common respect even if you want to become someone’s friend and you know they have a gf to not make it look intrusive and a bit like she’s trying to get somewhere, like WHATS stopping her from messaging rather than sending voice messages.

It ended in him saying he didn’t want to talk and that he needed space but I just feel like he doesn’t spot the signs which are concerning me. Within 20 mins he was able to find her on Facebook, telling me a range of stuff like she lives in blank and that she travel so and so hours to get to work. Like what was I meant to say to that.

I just want an honest opinion like if I’m overthinking but I believe there is a certain level of friendlessness and I honestly couldn’t care if he wanted to be friends with girls it’s just the way within 20 mins of them talking she’s sending voice messages and there’s literally gaps in our convos while he ‘multitasks’ talking to her.

I feel honestly upset and there’s some underlying issues which makes it feel worse for me like before lockdown he ****ed up and broke up with me because he thought I’d be better sorting out my mental health alone. A couple hours later he was practically sobbing saying how much he missed me and thag it was a mistake. Then the next day he came to see me to make it up to me but it almost felt forced because I felt like I had to meet otherwise we wouldn’t meet till after lockdown and things would have stayed that way until it was over.
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ashtolga23
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Boyfriend talking to another girl

Alright so basically.. my bf is going to uni next year and started joining uni chats. Then a girl came into his DMs talking to him. Within 10 mins my boyfriend says how she’s sending voice messages to him, tells me a lot about her life. I felt a bit uncomfortable at this point as this girl that he’s only known for 10 mins is sending him voice messages and he said that it wasn’t weird at all and didn’t get why I felt uncomfortable.

I told him after talking to 2 of my friend and them telling me to just bring it up that I felt awkward and uncomfortable and he said he ‘phrased it badly’ and that he was telling the truth but what struck me was that I never asked for the truth at that point and he jumped to that.

Then we sort of argued and he said that ‘he makes friends differently and she’s nice and that she’s a friend’ at this point it was a bit weird considering they only knew each other for an hour that she was now his friend.

We argued and I asked him if she knew he was taken. He said yeah I told her. But in my head I now wonder whether she asked him that or he told her straight up. It baffles me slightly because if she knows he is taken, why within 20 mins of talking is she voice messaging him because I just think it’s common respect even if you want to become someone’s friend and you know they have a gf to not make it look intrusive and a bit like she’s trying to get somewhere, like WHATS stopping her from messaging rather than sending voice messages.

It ended in him saying he didn’t want to talk and that he needed space but I just feel like he doesn’t spot the signs which are concerning me. Within 20 mins he was able to find her on Facebook, telling me a range of stuff like she lives in blank and that she travel so and so hours to get to work. Like what was I meant to say to that.

I just want an honest opinion like if I’m overthinking but I believe there is a certain level of friendlessness and I honestly couldn’t care if he wanted to be friends with girls it’s just the way within 20 mins of them talking she’s sending voice messages and there’s literally gaps in our convos while he ‘multitasks’ talking to her.

I feel honestly upset and there’s some underlying issues which makes it feel worse for me like before lockdown he ****ed up and broke up with me because he thought I’d be better sorting out my mental health alone. A couple hours later he was practically sobbing saying how much he missed me and thag it was a mistake. Then the next day he came to see me to make it up to me but it almost felt forced because I felt like I had to meet otherwise we wouldn’t meet till after lockdown and things would have stayed that way until it was over.
I think the underlying issues are probably playing a bigger role than you suspect.

Look, I totally feel you on this as I’m quite a jealous person, however I think you’re letting insecurity or anxiety cloud your judgement. Some people are just very into voice notes, but it doesn’t mean much. There are probably gaps in your conversation because it’s more difficult to get to know a new person, and he knows you’ll always be there for him even if his replies aren’t great.

You were there so you know best, but make sure to consider all of the possibilities.
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Zarek
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To be honest rowing over this type of thing takes a relationship nowhere. Bizarrely the best way to hold onto your partner is to be totally non possessive. This said with what happened before and him going away there must be some doubts about the future. You could consider seizing the initiative and dumping him.
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