Not sexually compatible with my boyfriend but I love him

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years, and we have NEVER had sex. We have tried a few times but his penis always go soft because he has erectile dysfunction from medication he takes.
He is terrible at giving me oral sex, it feels uncomfortable rather than pleasurable. I have given up asking him for sexual favours, even though I give really good BJs and HJs to him.
Even last night, he was grinding against me from behind and I asked him to bite my neck. He couldn't even bite my neck properly, all I could feel was his lips pecking at my neck, which just killed the mood. It annoyed me so much because he can't even do something as simple as biting my neck hard.
He is a bad kisser as his lips are so thin and small. He is incapable of kissing with his tongue. I have tried to teach him how to do it, but his tongue just feels like a washing machine in my mouth, which is not a nice feeling at all and makes me feel icky.

I feel so deprived because of this. HOWEVER, he is such a good boyfriend outside of the sexual stuff. He gives me so much emotional and financial support and most importantly, I have a roof over my head. I would say he is like my soul mate. But sometimes I feel like we are more like just friends due to our lack of sex life.

The fact that there is no sex in our relationship is making me question whether I can stay with him long-term, i.e. 5, 10 years down the line. If I stay with him for the rest of my life, I am going to DIE a virgin. Even now, I feel ashamed about being a 21 year-old virgin even though i'm in a long-term relationship. What if I end up being a 30 year-old virgin? Oh my, I can't cope. How am I supposed to have children with him if he can't have sex with me?

My sex drive has been so high lately, I literally have a crush on every male colleague at work, even the old ones in their 50s and 60s. It is becoming a problem.
I would never cheat on my boyfriend but I can't stop fantasising about being with other men who could actually satisfy me. Is that selfish?
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Anonymous #2
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#2
If you can’t deal with someone you’re meant to care and support through anything then let the poor lad go and find someone else and you can move on, fact you’re on here saying all this pretty much sums up your relationship is probably dead already.
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999tigger
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#3
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#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years, and we have NEVER had sex. We have tried a few times but his penis always go soft because he has erectile dysfunction from medication he takes.
He is terrible at giving me oral sex, it feels uncomfortable rather than pleasurable. I have given up asking him for sexual favours, even though I give really good BJs and HJs to him.
Even last night, he was grinding against me from behind and I asked him to bite my neck. He couldn't even bite my neck properly, all I could feel was his lips pecking at my neck, which just killed the mood. It annoyed me so much because he can't even do something as simple as biting my neck hard.
He is a bad kisser as his lips are so thin and small. He is incapable of kissing with his tongue. I have tried to teach him how to do it, but his tongue just feels like a washing machine in my mouth, which is not a nice feeling at all and makes me feel icky.

I feel so deprived because of this. HOWEVER, he is such a good boyfriend outside of the sexual stuff. He gives me so much emotional and financial support and most importantly, I have a roof over my head. I would say he is like my soul mate. But sometimes I feel like we are more like just friends due to our lack of sex life.

The fact that there is no sex in our relationship is making me question whether I can stay with him long-term, i.e. 5, 10 years down the line. If I stay with him for the rest of my life, I am going to DIE a virgin. Even now, I feel ashamed about being a 21 year-old virgin even though i'm in a long-term relationship. What if I end up being a 30 year-old virgin? Oh my, I can't cope. How am I supposed to have children with him if he can't have sex with me?

My sex drive has been so high lately, I literally have a crush on every male colleague at work, even the old ones in their 50s and 60s. It is becoming a problem.
I would never cheat on my boyfriend but I can't stop fantasising about being with other men who could actually satisfy me. Is that selfish?
Presumably tried viagra?
Sex therapist?
Change his medication?
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2003a39
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#4
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#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years, and we have NEVER had sex. We have tried a few times but his penis always go soft because he has erectile dysfunction from medication he takes.
He is terrible at giving me oral sex, it feels uncomfortable rather than pleasurable. I have given up asking him for sexual favours, even though I give really good BJs and HJs to him.
Even last night, he was grinding against me from behind and I asked him to bite my neck. He couldn't even bite my neck properly, all I could feel was his lips pecking at my neck, which just killed the mood. It annoyed me so much because he can't even do something as simple as biting my neck hard.
He is a bad kisser as his lips are so thin and small. He is incapable of kissing with his tongue. I have tried to teach him how to do it, but his tongue just feels like a washing machine in my mouth, which is not a nice feeling at all and makes me feel icky.

I feel so deprived because of this. HOWEVER, he is such a good boyfriend outside of the sexual stuff. He gives me so much emotional and financial support and most importantly, I have a roof over my head. I would say he is like my soul mate. But sometimes I feel like we are more like just friends due to our lack of sex life.

The fact that there is no sex in our relationship is making me question whether I can stay with him long-term, i.e. 5, 10 years down the line. If I stay with him for the rest of my life, I am going to DIE a virgin. Even now, I feel ashamed about being a 21 year-old virgin even though i'm in a long-term relationship. What if I end up being a 30 year-old virgin? Oh my, I can't cope. How am I supposed to have children with him if he can't have sex with me?

My sex drive has been so high lately, I literally have a crush on every male colleague at work, even the old ones in their 50s and 60s. It is becoming a problem.
I would never cheat on my boyfriend but I can't stop fantasising about being with other men who could actually satisfy me. Is that selfish?
Isn't casual doggy enough? Tell him to get medication. If he can't satisfy you with doggy alone then find another man and put him out of his misery. Crushes are just one of those obvious obstacles to a relationship you know.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If you can’t deal with someone you’re meant to care and support through anything then let the poor lad go and find someone else and you can move on, fact you’re on here saying all this pretty much sums up your relationship is probably dead already.
Sex is still an important part of relationships. I have been patient with him for 3 years already and no sign of things improving. I do care about him so much and we both support each other. I just feel like a part of our relationship is missing. Intimacy is what brings people even closer and takes them out of the 'just friends' boundary. Every time we have tried to have sex, his **** goes soft and I end up crying in the bathroom.
But he says he still loves me and wants to have sex with me, but can't because of his erectile dysfunction. He keeps saying his biggest fear is losing me because i'm the best thing that ever happened to him.
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OceanCat
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Sex therapist ? Only suggestion I can think of
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Anonymous #1
#7
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(Original post by 999tigger)
Presumably tried viagra?
Sex therapist?
Change his medication?
He is seeing a sex therapist at the moment. His therapist thinks his main problem is performance anxiety. So we have to get used to touching each other without any expectations of things going further until he feels more confident. But then simple things like me asking him to bite my neck go wrong. How hard is it to bite somebody's neck?

He has tried viagra before but it takes about an hour to kick in. Then by the time it has kicked in, i'm no longer in the mood to have sex with him. It kills the mood being told "wait 1 hour for my viagra to kick in". Nah, in one hour i'll be asleep or engrossed in a true crime documentary.

He is worried about coming off his medication because he used to hear voices and have schizophrenia without it. I don't want to risk him becoming mentally unwell again just so we can have sex.
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999tigger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He is seeing a sex therapist at the moment. His therapist thinks his main problem is performance anxiety. So we have to get used to touching each other without any expectations of things going further until he feels more confident. But then simple things like me asking him to bite my neck go wrong. How hard is it to bite somebody's neck?

He has tried viagra before but it takes about an hour to kick in. Then by the time it has kicked in, i'm no longer in the mood to have sex with him. It kills the mood being told "wait 1 hour for my viagra to kick in". Nah, in one hour i'll be asleep or engrossed in a true crime documentary.

He is worried about coming off his medication because he used to hear voices and have schizophrenia without it. I don't want to risk him becoming mentally unwell again just so we can have sex.
Just wopndered if there is any different medication?
Maybe compromise and he can take it in advance.
Obviously with the maturity of your relationship you need to explore every avenue. You then have a choice to make. Am sure he is very aware of it.
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deadroseex
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i feel bad for him.
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Anonymous #1
#10
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(Original post by 2003a39)
Isn't casual doggy enough? Tell him to get medication. If he can't satisfy you with doggy alone then find another man and put him out of his misery. Crushes are just one of those obvious obstacles to a relationship you know.
This could work... he is very inexperienced when it comes to sex so I will have to guide him with what to do (which is annoying because I like to be submissive and he is just... not dominant at all because he's so clueless).
Even though I have crushes at work, I don't expect it to be any more than a crush, or for them to like me back. I don't flirt with them... I just admire from afar . A lot of the older men are already married anyway, especially the consultant doctors. I feel so bad for having crushes but I just can't think about my boyfriend in that way at the moment because whenever we try something sexual, it fails and I end up crying in the bathroom even though it's not my fault.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by deadroseex)
i feel bad for him.
Me too, he is the most lovely, supportive and caring man I have ever met. I just feel so sexually deprived in our relationship.
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2003a39
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This could work... he is very inexperienced when it comes to sex so I will have to guide him with what to do (which is annoying because I like to be submissive and he is just... not dominant at all because he's so clueless).
Even though I have crushes at work, I don't expect it to be any more than a crush, or for them to like me back. I don't flirt with them... I just admire from afar . A lot of the older men are already married anyway, especially the consultant doctors. I feel so bad for having crushes but I just can't think about my boyfriend in that way at the moment because whenever we try something sexual, it fails and I end up crying in the bathroom even though it's not my fault.
Yeah, YouTube can help him with whatever you want him to be like in bed.
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YaliaV123
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#13
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You’re staying with him because he gives you financial support? Not a good look Missy.
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deadroseex
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#14
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Me too, he is the most lovely, supportive and caring man I have ever met. I just feel so sexually deprived in our relationship.
I am sure he's lovely, how about an open relationship? Or is that way to much?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by YaliaV123)
You’re staying with him because he gives you financial support? Not a good look Missy.
When I say he gives me financial support, I mean he pays for most of my food. We both pay 50/50 when it comes to our rent. If I needed to move out and live on my own, I could afford to do so. We still get along really well though, which is why I'm not moving out. We give each other emotional support and kiss and cuddle every day. I just wish we could do more than that.
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Dunnig Kruger
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It's time to dump him. It's actually two and half years past the time when you should have dumped him. But what's done is done.
Do not leave it another day to dump him. Take action now.
He won't be surprised. And if he really loves you, he'd want you to be with someone else.

It's not just the erection issue. It's him being terrrible at giving you oral.
Oral is easy! Really really easy.

You have zero chance of a happy long term relationship with him. You're not happy now.

There are enough men in the world that are competent at sex and at least as nice outside the bedroom as your current boyfriend. It's way past time you got yourself one of those.
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