I’d like some advice

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
First off, I love my boyfriend and everything is going really well, but I have some slight concerns:

1) he’s quite a big smoker

This is something that was initially a deal breaker for me, but I didn’t realise he was a smoker until I got to know him and liked him so much that I thought I’d just deal with it.

It’s partly due to the fact that his housemate smokes, because he’s always got someone to smoke with. However he does smoke on his own too, and not round me, because he knows I don’t like it.

He’s also mentioned quitting for me, and he’s said that he’s partly smoking because it’s the routine of it. He said quitting is “on the cards” but hasn’t said anything else. He also has admitted to being addicted.

2) he’s also quite considerably overweight, to the point where his doctor (who he sees for MH issues) has asked him to lose weight and asks him if he’s doing exercise when he has an appointment

He’s partly like this because he’s a PhD student and so a lot of what he does is sitting still writing, paired with the fact he really likes cooking.
He talks about this quite a lot, but his view is that he doesn’t want to pay for a gym because he can just cycle and run etc, but he just doesn’t do it.

I suppose I’m asking whether I should bring it up, and if I should how should I do it?

I love him, and I can quite easily deal with both of these as they are, but it’s just not ideal
0
reply
Wannabevetnurse
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
First off, I love my boyfriend and everything is going really well, but I have some slight concerns:

1) he’s quite a big smoker

This is something that was initially a deal breaker for me, but I didn’t realise he was a smoker until I got to know him and liked him so much that I thought I’d just deal with it.

It’s partly due to the fact that his housemate smokes, because he’s always got someone to smoke with. However he does smoke on his own too, and not round me, because he knows I don’t like it.

He’s also mentioned quitting for me, and he’s said that he’s partly smoking because it’s the routine of it. He said quitting is “on the cards” but hasn’t said anything else. He also has admitted to being addicted.

2) he’s also quite considerably overweight, to the point where his doctor (who he sees for MH issues) has asked him to lose weight and asks him if he’s doing exercise when he has an appointment

He’s partly like this because he’s a PhD student and so a lot of what he does is sitting still writing, paired with the fact he really likes cooking.
He talks about this quite a lot, but his view is that he doesn’t want to pay for a gym because he can just cycle and run etc, but he just doesn’t do it.

I suppose I’m asking whether I should bring it up, and if I should how should I do it?

I love him, and I can quite easily deal with both of these as they are, but it’s just not ideal
Sit him down and have and adult talk. "Im worried about your health...." kinda thing.
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
With those habits, the guy is gonna die young. If you are thinking of a long, happy life together, be aware that it won't be that long...
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
With those habits, the guy is gonna die young. If you are thinking of a long, happy life together, be aware that it won't be that long...
That’s why I want to help him change them, but I’m not sure how to do it
0
reply
ItsStarLordMan
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#5
Report 1 month ago
#5
Hey. I think that you should sit down and talk to him about how you're worries about his health and you want to help him. Offer him more productive solutions, like that you could go running with him and maybe find something that will help him stop smoking, like patches or apparently sven just chewing gum
0
reply
ROTL94
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
You should have a talk with him about your concern for his health, might be the kick up the arse he needs to do something about it.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by ROTL94)
You should have a talk with him about your concern for his health, might be the kick up the arse he needs to do something about it.
How do I bring it up, because I don’t want to offend him or be really pushy about it, but at the same time I feel like I need to say something
0
reply
ROTL94
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#8
Report 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
How do I bring it up, because I don’t want to offend him or be really pushy about it, but at the same time I feel like I need to say something
I get that, when he asks you next how you're doing just say, 'Ok, but I have had some things on my mind' when he hopefully asks what say 'your health' and take it from there.
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#9
Report 1 month ago
#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
That’s why I want to help him change them, but I’m not sure how to do it
The exercise bit is easy - take up some kind of exercise together. The smoking bit is more difficult. He would probably benefit from getting smoking cessation help.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#10
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#10
(Original post by ROTL94)
I get that, when he asks you next how you're doing just say, 'Ok, but I have had some things on my mind' when he hopefully asks what say 'your health' and take it from there.
Thank you! I’ll definitely try it, I might try and say it in the context of new year resolutions as well
0
reply
ROTL94
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#11
Report 1 month ago
#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you! I’ll definitely try it, I might try and say it in the context of new year resolutions as well
Brilliant, hope it goes well for you.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#12
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
The exercise bit is easy - take up some kind of exercise together. The smoking bit is more difficult. He would probably benefit from getting smoking cessation help.
I don’t know if he’d actually go that far to quit, and that’s what’s making me worried
0
reply
ItsStarLordMan
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#13
Report 1 month ago
#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
I don’t know if he’d actually go that far to quit, and that’s what’s making me worried
Hopefully, he'll quit, but even reducing it will be some sort of improvement
0
reply
Wannabevetnurse
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#14
Report 1 month ago
#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
How do I bring it up, because I don’t want to offend him or be really pushy about it, but at the same time I feel like I need to say something
you have to be pushy if you want him to quit. Dont be worried about him being offended....be worried about him dropping dead.
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#15
Report 1 month ago
#15
(Original post by Anonymous)
I don’t know if he’d actually go that far to quit, and that’s what’s making me worried
if it's a deal breaker for you, tell him and leave it up to him to decide whether he would be willing to go that far or if he would rather leave you.
0
reply
StriderHort
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#16
Report 1 month ago
#16
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you! I’ll definitely try it, I might try and say it in the context of new year resolutions as well
Honestly i'd be careful of this, of trying to schedule someone else's recovery or tie it to something a cheap as new years resolutions (which everyone breaks and jokes about breaking)

Quitting smoking is a serious choice and someone has to make it for their own reasons or it's near sure to fail, pretty much anything else will fall under nagging, whether it's you, a doc or a warning of a ciggy pack. (TBH i've long felt we should treat ciggy addiction deeper like other drugs, but we gloss over it)

I'm not saying you're wrong to be worried or have your own standards btw, just these these kind of commitments made under pressure or duress don't tend to pan out well IME
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Do you have the space and resources you need to succeed in home learning?

Yes I have everything I need (409)
56.18%
I don't have everything I need (319)
43.82%

Watched Threads

View All