Fallen out with housemates - what now?

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Anonymous #1
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So I've fallen out with my housemates because they unreasonably refuse to let me have my boyfriend over 'because of lockdown'. I've put that in quotation marks because I know their jealousy is the real reason.

So I moved into this house about 2 months ago and I was already seeing my boyfriend. He would come over only on the weekends and this was all before the national lockdown. However my housemates always had something to say about it like when we had a Halloween celebration, they told me he wasn't allowed to join in. When he'd been coming regularly on weekends so I no longer felt the need to pass it by my housemates they complained at me for not telling them he was coming.

Anyway, fast foward to recently. My housemates told me I wasn't allowed to have my boyfriend over during lockdown so we had to resort to sneaking into the house without them knowing. We did this for a few weeks then my housemates found out and they both ganged up on me in my private space, shouted at me and reported me to the landlady who also had a go at me.

Since then I considered moving out as these were people I thought I could call my friends. The only reason I moved here was because I wanted to be in a sociable household. But instead they treat me like this?

Bearing in mind my boyfriend and I weren't even breaking any lockdown rules because legally he's allowed to be in my support bubble as he lives alone. Plus he works from home so doesn't interact with anyone else. On top of that, when he's here, we don't go downstairs, he's not in contact with any of my housemates (they don't even see him), he doesn't use any of the facilities (apart from the toilet which my housemates don't use anyway as they have their own). We don't make any noise, he doesn't stay overnight and he only comes over on the weekends. So I'm confused as to why they have a huge problem with me seeing him?

I don't know what to say or do anymore. I don't want to move out as I really like my room and this location but my housemates have me feel like crap for doing nothing wrong. I can't even go downstairs and socialise anymore as they've made me feel more isolated than ever. Please help.
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Muttley79
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I've fallen out with my housemates because they unreasonably refuse to let me have my boyfriend over 'because of lockdown'. I've put that in quotation marks because I know their jealousy is the real reason.

So I moved into this house about 2 months ago and I was already seeing my boyfriend. He would come over only on the weekends and this was all before the national lockdown. However my housemates always had something to say about it like when we had a Halloween celebration, they told me he wasn't allowed to join in. When he'd been coming regularly on weekends so I no longer felt the need to pass it by my housemates they complained at me for not telling them he was coming.

Anyway, fast foward to recently. My housemates told me I wasn't allowed to have my boyfriend over during lockdown so we had to resort to sneaking into the house without them knowing. We did this for a few weeks then my housemates found out and they both ganged up on me in my private space, shouted at me and reported me to the landlady who also had a go at me.

Since then I considered moving out as these were people I thought I could call my friends. The only reason I moved here was because I wanted to be in a sociable household. But instead they treat me like this?

Bearing in mind my boyfriend and I weren't even breaking any lockdown rules because legally he's allowed to be in my support bubble as he lives alone. Plus he works from home so doesn't interact with anyone else. On top of that, when he's here, we don't go downstairs, he's not in contact with any of my housemates (they don't even see him), he doesn't use any of the facilities (apart from the toilet which my housemates don't use anyway as they have their own). We don't make any noise, he doesn't stay overnight and he only comes over on the weekends. So I'm confused as to why they have a huge problem with me seeing him?

I don't know what to say or do anymore. I don't want to move out as I really like my room and this location but my housemates have me feel like crap for doing nothing wrong. I can't even go downstairs and socialise anymore as they've made me feel more isolated than ever. Please help.
I'm not surprised they've fallen out with you.

Try seeing things from their point of view for once - it's nothing to do with jealousy!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Muttley79)
I'm not surprised they've fallen out with you.

Try seeing things from their point of view for once - it's nothing to do with jealousy!
What is it to do with then? What have I done wrong? They have no right to unreasonably stop me from seeing my boyfriend.
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HoldThisL
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these are all at least somewhat reasonable complaints from your housemates

you've glazed over/ignored the original cause of the dispute between you/your boyfriend and your housemates. whatever you tell us is in your power, but i expect the housemates probably don't like your boyfriend and if they don't want him around, its there "private space" too - sneaking someone in only makes it worse because that's a very childish way of going around it

given his behaviour when he's around, it's probably reasonable to have him around. the problem became that you didn't go around their disagreements like an adult when you probably could have. if they don't like him, you should be involving him in the halloween social, for example
Last edited by HoldThisL; 1 month ago
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xoxAngel_Kxox
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It is illegal to see your boyfriend in your house at the moment. We are in a national lockdown for goodness sake. You should NOT be 'sneaking him in' without them knowing, because what if he's spreading the virus and then you'll have infected your whole house?

Also, you signed an agreement for that house for YOU, not him. He doesn't pay rent, your housemates shouldn't have to put up with anyone other than who they live with.

You love your boyfriend, they do not. He doesn't have to be present at all of your events.

If you want to meet up with him, find something else to do that doesn't involve upsetting all of your housemates.

It makes things awkward having other people in an already-crowded shared house. Just don't 'be' that person who has to push it.
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Muttley79
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What is it to do with then? What have I done wrong? They have no right to unreasonably stop me from seeing my boyfriend.
Of course they do at the moment - do you pay extra for the additional stuff he uses - hot water etc.

Support bubbles are not as you describe "A support bubble is a close support network between a household with only one adult or a household with one adult and one or more people who were under the age of 18 on 12 June 2020 in the home (known as a single-adult household) and one other household of any size."

Get your own place if you can't see what you've done wrong.
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Deggs_14
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I personally am on your side, I don't really see what the issue is here. I live in a university house with other people who often see their boyfriends / romantic partners, sometimes they come over and visit. I personally think your household is being unreasonable. If he woks from home and lives alone, in a legal context you are a support bubble and he is not posing a risk of Covid is that is what your housemates are concerned about. Maybe this is just my personal opinion as I like to be more conservative and respectful of minding my own business and not inquiring into other people's personal lives.

I think perhaps their unwelcoming position does come from jealousy, and perhaps the stress of online university they want something or someone to take out their anger on. I would ask to have a sit down a proper conversation with them and ask what their problem is. Is it breaking of Covid-19 legislation, is it the housing contract or the cost of extra bills for one person (the water or wifi he uses), or is it frustration or jealousy because they are single? "Sneaking him into the house" is a bit of a childish retaliation, in honestly, but you need to try and make some kind of compromise with your housemates.

Either way, I empathise with you and I'm sorry for this rather rubbish situation to be in.
Last edited by Deggs_14; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox)
It is illegal to see your boyfriend in your house at the moment. We are in a national lockdown for goodness sake. You should NOT be 'sneaking him in' without them knowing, because what if he's spreading the virus and then you'll have infected your whole house?

Also, you signed an agreement for that house for YOU, not him. He doesn't pay rent, your housemates shouldn't have to put up with anyone other than who they live with.

You love your boyfriend, they do not. He doesn't have to be present at all of your events.

If you want to meet up with him, find something else to do that doesn't involve upsetting all of your housemates.

It makes things awkward having other people in an already-crowded shared house. Just don't 'be' that person who has to push it.
Actually, it's not illegal as he lives alone and technically I am therefore allowed to form a support bubble with him - please look it up.

Secondly, there is no rule against having visitors and when he's here, my housemates don't even see him let alone interact with him, so they're not putting up with anything. Also, my landlady has her own room in the house and she invites her partner whenever she wants even though neither of them live here and they are both from separate households. Yet somehow that is okay with everyone, even though they're breaking the law, and my situation isn't?

Thirdly, they didn't want him to come to the Halloween event so I told him not to come, I didn't enforce it. I was understanding - but they can't seem to extend the same courtesy to me. There's no other way I can see him, especially with it being cold and rainy, and getting dark earlier. If it was nice outside, I wouldn't mind spending all day outdoors, but not when it's like this. Plus, the house isn't even crowded, there's only 3 of us and it has a capacity of 4-5.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Muttley79)
Of course they do at the moment - do you pay extra for the additional stuff he uses - hot water etc.

Support bubbles are not as you describe "A support bubble is a close support network between a household with only one adult or a household with one adult and one or more people who were under the age of 18 on 12 June 2020 in the home (known as a single-adult household) and one other household of any size."

Get your own place if you can't see what you've done wrong.
Well seeing as he's a single adult alone in his household, a support bubble is exactly as I described. And he doesn't use any additional facilities as he's only here during the day, on the weekends only.
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Muttley79
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well seeing as he's a single adult alone in his household, a support bubble is exactly as I described. And he doesn't use any additional facilities as he's only here during the day, on the weekends only.
And that stops EVERYONE else in your house having the same support ... no wonder they aren't happy!
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freemango
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You’ve put your housemates into a bubble with him too without even asking them though...what if they want to bubble with a lone parent or other single person? Surely the simple solution is for you to go to his place since he lives alone? Living with other people is always going to involve compromise and consideration.
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Muttley79
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(Original post by Anonymous)

Thirdly, they didn't want him to come to the Halloween event so I told him not to come, I didn't enforce it. I was understanding - but they can't seem to extend the same courtesy to me. There's no other way I can see him, especially with it being cold and rainy, and getting dark earlier. If it was nice outside, I wouldn't mind spending all day outdoors, but not when it's like this. Plus, the house isn't even crowded, there's only 3 of us and it has a capacity of 4-5.
Why don't YOU vist him - he pays no rent for your house.
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Anonymous #3
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Why does your boyfriend go to your house where your flatmates have expressed they aren't fond of him, when he lives alone and you could go to his without upsetting your flatmates so much? That alone is a **** move without even considering the fact that you made the decision without consulting your flatmates that their household will form a bubble with your boyfriend, preventing any of your flatmates from even having a say about who your household forms a bubble with
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Muttley79)
And that stops EVERYONE else in your house having the same support ... no wonder they aren't happy!
Well neither of them have anyone to invite over anyway. They are close friends with each other though and my boyfriend is the only one I know in the area. I can't see anyone else either.
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What is it to do with then? What have I done wrong? They have no right to unreasonably stop me from seeing my boyfriend.
These "friends" are just looking out for themselves that's the way it goes, screw them.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by HoldThisL)
these are all at least somewhat reasonable complaints from your housemates

you've glazed over/ignored the original cause of the dispute between you/your boyfriend and your housemates. whatever you tell us is in your power, but i expect the housemates probably don't like your boyfriend and if they don't want him around, its there "private space" too - sneaking someone in only makes it worse because that's a very childish way of going around it

given his behaviour when he's around, it's probably reasonable to have him around. the problem became that you didn't go around their disagreements like an adult when you probably could have. if they don't like him, you should be involving him in the halloween social, for example
Actually, the exact cause of dispute is what I just explained. Their reasoning for not wanting him over is because of lockdown, even though I'm not breaking any rules. They have no reason to dislike him as he has done nothing to offend them. And I didn't involve him in the Halloween event, that's my point. I respected the fact they didn't want him there. But they can't seem to just mind their own business, give us a little respect back and let us have our private time in my own room.
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tashkent46
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You are breaking the law. The support bubble is for adults who have no one else. You have housemates.
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Fermion.
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You’re boyfriend is forming a support bubble with you AND your flat mates. Your flat mates didn’t consent to this and clearly are worried about their health. Why don’t you visit him since he lives “alone” and then the issue would be resolved?
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zKlown
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Even if you did breach lockdown rules or whatever. Them treating you this way is a bit crazy.

Them reporting you is even weirder. Definitely not friends, declare war now.
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black tea
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well seeing as he's a single adult alone in his household, a support bubble is exactly as I described. And he doesn't use any additional facilities as he's only here during the day, on the weekends only.
So why can't you visit him?
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