being abused by mother

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
hi, i’m 21 and in university. I live at home and it’s just mum and me. I don’t have any other family. I have come to terms with the fact that i am being abused.

I am being emotionally and verbally abused. I am being controlled and manipulated. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with this. I believed for a while that it was my fault. She tells me she is going to kill herself multiple times a week. i’m not really sure what to do about this.
I am trying to study for uni but this is really causing me a lot of stress and upset.
I have no where to go.

if anyone met her they wouldn’t believe she is an abuser. she comes across as a friendly happy funny person. No one would believe me if i told them the truth. I have recordings of her shouting abuse at me. she threatens to ruins all of my things and bin them. i remember just before my gcse’s she went and ripped up and destroyed all of my notes for my exams.

I’m really not sure what to do about this. i cant rent anywhere as i don’t have an income. i don’t even know how to properly explain my situation
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
I would say you need to talk to someone you trust at your university
0
reply
FromAbove
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
Sadly your mother will never change. She's on the extreme side of a narcissistic/sociapath and boardline psychopath.

Firstly, Don't blame yourself. You can choose your friends but not your family.


This independence is exactly why she ripped up your exam notes, in the hope that you would fail and be reliant upon her.

She will hate the fact that you aren't co-dependant on her as much anymore and will go to any lengths to pull you back in to regain control over your life.

She see you as an extension of her, she wants you to move to the beat if her drum in life and live it the way she wants you to live it.

Cut ties all together....if you wish to maintain a relationship, set firm boundaries and stick to them, don't accept any gifts, avoid detailed conversations with her (She will use it against you at a later date) Don't fall for any illness or ailments that suddenly arise to get you to come running. Fact check everything she says before believing it.

Your mother may change tactics and shower you with gifts, leading you into a false sense that she's changed. Don't be fooled, don't accept them!

It's all to do with controlling you to feed her narcissistic supply. Google the following.....Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Darlene Lancer.

I hope this gives you some insight.

DO

Seek some professional counselling, show them the thread you posted and my reply.....they will understand all the emotional abuse you've had to endure and will help bring a better perspective on how you recover from it.

It's hard to come to terms with this on your own. You have been victim and subjected to emotionally blackmail, neglect, compulsive lies, manipulation, and mental trauma your whole life by the very person that is supposed to protect you from it.

Harsh, but you need to acknowledge this immediately and accept she will never change before you can move forward with your life.....Your mother will never acknowledge any fault or take ownership/responsibility for her actions for making you hurt (This is because a narcissistic person can't see thier flaws or rather doesn't want to)

You will no doubt feel a sense of extreme anxiety, low self-esteem, a sense of loneliness, worthlessness and confusion from years of emotional and mental abuse.

It's time to focus on you and leave what you can't fix behind you....

Sign up to some agencies for part time work, they'll find the jobs for you so you don't need to go job hunting which will give you the free time to concentrate at Uni. Take anything providing it doesn't conflict with your studying time....then find someone or multiple people you trust in Uni to flat share with until you can earn enough money to stand on your own two feet.

Goals can only be achieved when you set them and work towards it.....nothing is impossible. You just have to find the positive in all the negatives and possible in the impossible.

I hope this helps....

Let me know how you get on.
Last edited by FromAbove; 1 month ago
0
reply
black tea
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
You have 2 options really - the first is to continue to put up with it, and the second is to do your best to move out as soon as you can. Renting a flat on your own will be expensive; renting with other people will be a lot more affordable (though you would need a guarantor and your mum may not be up for it...there are ways around it if you don't have anyone willing to be your guarantor, but they all involve money so it's worth factoring that in when you are considering costs) .

Do you have a student loan? Do you have any savings? Would a part-time job be an option alongside your studies?
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#5
thank you so so much
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Have you experienced financial difficulties as a student due to Covid-19?

Yes, I have really struggled financially (77)
17.99%
I have experienced some financial difficulties (124)
28.97%
I haven't experienced any financial difficulties and things have stayed the same (160)
37.38%
I have had better financial opportunities as a result of the pandemic (54)
12.62%
I've had another experience (let us know in the thread!) (13)
3.04%

Watched Threads

View All