being abused by motherWatch
I am being emotionally and verbally abused. I am being controlled and manipulated. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with this. I believed for a while that it was my fault. She tells me she is going to kill herself multiple times a week. i’m not really sure what to do about this.
I am trying to study for uni but this is really causing me a lot of stress and upset.
I have no where to go.
if anyone met her they wouldn’t believe she is an abuser. she comes across as a friendly happy funny person. No one would believe me if i told them the truth. I have recordings of her shouting abuse at me. she threatens to ruins all of my things and bin them. i remember just before my gcse’s she went and ripped up and destroyed all of my notes for my exams.
I’m really not sure what to do about this. i cant rent anywhere as i don’t have an income. i don’t even know how to properly explain my situation
Firstly, Don't blame yourself. You can choose your friends but not your family.
This independence is exactly why she ripped up your exam notes, in the hope that you would fail and be reliant upon her.
She will hate the fact that you aren't co-dependant on her as much anymore and will go to any lengths to pull you back in to regain control over your life.
She see you as an extension of her, she wants you to move to the beat if her drum in life and live it the way she wants you to live it.
Cut ties all together....if you wish to maintain a relationship, set firm boundaries and stick to them, don't accept any gifts, avoid detailed conversations with her (She will use it against you at a later date) Don't fall for any illness or ailments that suddenly arise to get you to come running. Fact check everything she says before believing it.
Your mother may change tactics and shower you with gifts, leading you into a false sense that she's changed. Don't be fooled, don't accept them!
It's all to do with controlling you to feed her narcissistic supply. Google the following.....Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Darlene Lancer.
I hope this gives you some insight.
Seek some professional counselling, show them the thread you posted and my reply.....they will understand all the emotional abuse you've had to endure and will help bring a better perspective on how you recover from it.
It's hard to come to terms with this on your own. You have been victim and subjected to emotionally blackmail, neglect, compulsive lies, manipulation, and mental trauma your whole life by the very person that is supposed to protect you from it.
Harsh, but you need to acknowledge this immediately and accept she will never change before you can move forward with your life.....Your mother will never acknowledge any fault or take ownership/responsibility for her actions for making you hurt (This is because a narcissistic person can't see thier flaws or rather doesn't want to)
You will no doubt feel a sense of extreme anxiety, low self-esteem, a sense of loneliness, worthlessness and confusion from years of emotional and mental abuse.
It's time to focus on you and leave what you can't fix behind you....
Sign up to some agencies for part time work, they'll find the jobs for you so you don't need to go job hunting which will give you the free time to concentrate at Uni. Take anything providing it doesn't conflict with your studying time....then find someone or multiple people you trust in Uni to flat share with until you can earn enough money to stand on your own two feet.
Goals can only be achieved when you set them and work towards it.....nothing is impossible. You just have to find the positive in all the negatives and possible in the impossible.
I hope this helps....
Let me know how you get on.
Do you have a student loan? Do you have any savings? Would a part-time job be an option alongside your studies?