Out of uni but still feel unpopular

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I just turned 22 yesterday and fresh out of university, but I can't help but feel that I'm still an unpopular person socially and otherwise. Don't really hear from friends often, but over the past few months I've been having a semi quarter life crisis looking over times that could've been much better.

Seeing other unpopular people who I knew from school, etc doing decently in life either at uni or elsewhere just makes me feel very disappointed. The state of society post lockdown doesn't really give me much hope in making new friends or even finding a girlfriend which also gives me constant anxiety. I spend my days looking for work, playing playstation and generally lamenting most of the things in my life so far.

I know many people might be in the same boat, but it doesn't seem like that many are tbh. I'd appreciate any advice.
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dardasiya
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#2
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First of all: Happy Birthday for yesterday! :birthday: :cake:

A couple points:

1.) If you don't hear from friends and miss them, remember you don't have to wait till they reach out to you. You can reach out to them too.

2.) It's never too late to make new friends. Even making online friends counts if lockdown situation makes it harder to make face-to-face friends right now. One place that's quite good for making friends with the potential for possibly dating too is dating sites.

3.) When you look at unpopular people from school doing well now, it's hard to know what's really going on beneath the surface. Sometimes the most successful seeming people aren't happy inside. But in any case, whether they are happy or miserable, it won't change your life either way.

4.) There is more to happiness than popularity & having a girlfriend. I believe a person can have no friends and no romantic relationship and still be pretty content if they are occupying themselves with something that makes them feel like they are contributing to the world, are of value, and/ or are doing something they enjoy & that they believe in.
Last edited by dardasiya; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by dardasiya)
First of all: Happy Birthday for yesterday! :birthday: :cake:

A couple points:

1.) If you don't hear from friends and miss them, remember you don't have to wait till they reach out to you. You can reach out to them too.

2.) It's never too late to make new friends. Even making online friends counts if lockdown situation makes it harder to make face-to-face friends right now. One place that's quite good for making friends with the potential for possibly dating too is dating sites.

3.) When you look at unpopular people from school doing well now, it's hard to know what's really going on beneath the surface. Sometimes the most successful seeming people aren't happy inside. But in any case, whether they are happy or miserable, it won't change your life either way.

4.) There is more to happiness than popularity & having a girlfriend. I believe a person can have no friends and no romantic relationship and still be pretty content if they are occupying themselves with something that makes them feel like they are contributing to the world, are of value, and/ or are doing something they enjoy & that they believe in.
Thanks so much

Some really helpful points but for 1- I do reach out to friends, but a friendship is a give and take. You can't be pulling the strings all the time.
2-I've tried Bumble BFF, Meetup, etc to make friends online which didn't get me anywhere and often get ignored on dating sites. Even though I live in a city, it feels like most people are content within their close circles.
3- Yeah maybe that's the distortion of events social media provides and there's not really a better understanding of how they are doing otherwise. Probably unhealthy to keep comparing myself to them with that in mind.
4-Very true and I definitely have hobbies and activities that keep me occupied despite staying at home 95% of the time. It's just unfortunate because I felt everyone around me got into relationships or achieved intimacy with another person whilst I was just standing there watching from the sidelines. However, it may not be as important as I think it is (a relationship)..
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dardasiya
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Even though a person can be content without one, you can also be content with one, so I wouldn't rule out relationships - I'd just try to take the pressure off a little. Everyone goes at their own pace. If you let others around you set the pace for you, and let them set "what you should be doing" for you, then you won't be doing something for *you* - you'll be doing it just to keep up with them, and that's kinda a funny reason to get into a relationship. You'll get there in your own time with finding a relationship if that's something you want.

I dunno, I know a lot of people who had success with dating sites and I've had some luck meeting some really solid, good people on those sites and made some good friends like that, so I do feel like there are people out there open to exploring friendships & relationships beyond their close circles. Not to mention the fact that there are some people out there who don't have a close circle and are eager to find friends too.

Who knows, you could even meet someone on TSR. If you like the sound of someone on here, there is the private messaging thing you could use to see if you can get to know them better.
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Gavin2016
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I would say if you are having no luck with grad jobs try for whatever the most readily available jobs are that are going. It doesn't have to be a job for life but something to do for say six months or so before jumping onto something better. It's got to be something you can stomach for around six months or so though not to say it would have much in the way of good sides just something that doesn't give you an ill feeling in the morning.
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