How do you know if you've fallen out of love with someone.

Watch
something_orphic
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
how do you differentiate between routine and fear of being alone vs being in love and wanting to be w them.
0
reply
ashtolga23
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
If you're asking this question then it may be the former, although that's not necessarily the case.

How do you feel when you think about them? If it's just a difficult time for you then it can be hard to feel love for someone else, as you're drained of a lot of emotion, but if you're otherwise fine and you're just staying because you "might as well", then I think the love may have disappeared a little.

It's hard to figure out if it's just the end of the honeymoon phase or not sometimes, so perhaps read magazine articles and pages online, as people who've already been through it will describe the experience first-hand. You'll be able to tell if you relate or not and go from there.
0
reply
something_orphic
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#3
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#3
(Original post by ashtolga23)
If you're asking this question then it may be the former, although that's not necessarily the case.

How do you feel when you think about them? If it's just a difficult time for you then it can be hard to feel love for someone else, as you're drained of a lot of emotion, but if you're otherwise fine and you're just staying because you "might as well", then I think the love may have disappeared a little.

It's hard to figure out if it's just the end of the honeymoon phase or not sometimes, so perhaps read magazine articles and pages online, as people who've already been through it will describe the experience first-hand. You'll be able to tell if you relate or not and go from there.
Thank you i'll check out some articles and keep that mind.
0
reply
ashtolga23
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by something_orphic)
Thank you i'll check out some articles and keep that mind.
Not a problem! It's so tough but I wish you all the best.

People often describe not wanting all of their time, effort, love, money, etc. to be wasted or for nothing, but you've got to focus on the future. No matter what you feel right now or have felt in the past, do you see a happy future with them?
0
reply
something_orphic
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#5
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by ashtolga23)
Not a problem! It's so tough but I wish you all the best.

People often describe not wanting all of their time, effort, love, money, etc. to be wasted or for nothing, but you've got to focus on the future. No matter what you feel right now or have felt in the past, do you see a happy future with them?
Not really he is planning to move to America for university and says he would like to maintain a relationship of sorts and then "come back" for me if you will but why would i want to wait for 4 years ?? and i think the worse thing is i used to be upset about him moving so far away (i am not a girl who wants to stay together for uni its just the distance) and now i am kinda looking forward to it which i think is when i started questioning things. He goes on about coming back for me and kids and it freaks me out a bit.
0
reply
ashtolga23
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by something_orphic)
Not really he is planning to move to America for university and says he would like to maintain a relationship of sorts and then "come back" for me if you will but why would i want to wait for 4 years ?? and i think the worse thing is i used to be upset about him moving so far away (i am not a girl who wants to stay together for uni its just the distance) and now i am kinda looking forward to it which i think is when i started questioning things. He goes on about coming back for me and kids and it freaks me out a bit.
Ah gosh. I’m sorry to say but I think it’ll be far better for both of you to cut things off.
0
reply
Dunnig Kruger
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#7
Report 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by something_orphic)
Not really he is planning to move to America for university and says he would like to maintain a relationship of sorts and then "come back" for me if you will but why would i want to wait for 4 years ?? and i think the worse thing is i used to be upset about him moving so far away (i am not a girl who wants to stay together for uni its just the distance) and now i am kinda looking forward to it which i think is when i started questioning things. He goes on about coming back for me and kids and it freaks me out a bit.
What he says he will do - in 4 years time - and what he does will be 2 entirely different things.

He says he will go off to the States for 4 years and then come back to you.

It's all... balderdash.

By all means keep in contact and stay on friendly terms with him.
But also get yourself new sexual partners in the meantime, and don't turn yourself into a nun, just for him.
0
reply
Joel 96
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#8
Report 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
By all means keep in contact and stay on friendly terms with him.
But also get yourself new sexual partners in the meantime, and don't turn yourself into a nun, just for him.
Why would you advise this when we the OP's bf could very possibly be intending to stay celibate during his time abroad? This advice would fundamentally cripple their relationship. Waiting for your partner to return doesn't make you a nun - it makes you faithful.

(Original post by something_orphic)
x
Relationships rarely transition into long distance relationships (LDRs), as it's usually the latter which is the initial situation. LDRs can work since the couple has something to look foward to later down the line, whereas your situation differs in the sense that you've been together for a while already and now you're faced with the possibility of being separated from your partner for 4 years.

Can't he visit you during those 4 years? Surely there is room for improvisation in minimising the effects of such distance?

How long have you been together? Was the relationship "serious" before this news? Had you talked about marriage and having kids?

Is he the sort of guy who would wait 4 years for you? Is it likely he might pursue somebody else in the US?
0
reply
Dunnig Kruger
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#9
Report 1 month ago
#9
(Original post by Joel 96)
Why would you advise this when we the OP's bf could very possibly be intending to stay celibate during his time abroad? This advice would fundamentally cripple their relationship. Waiting for your partner to return doesn't make you a nun - it makes you faithful.
Oh yeah he's going to stay faithful in the States for 4 years. Oh look, there's a flying pig.

Metaphorically speaking it would make the OP a nun.

A 4 month gap would be doable. 4 years. Forget about it.
0
reply
Joel 96
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#10
Report 1 month ago
#10
(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
Oh yeah he's going to stay faithful in the States for 4 years. Oh look, there's a flying pig.

Metaphorically speaking it would make the OP a nun.

A 4 month gap would be doable. 4 years. Forget about it.
I've been separated from my fiancee for over a year now and we're doing fine. We could theoretically carry on for years with no problem since we've managed to adjust to the distance. Maybe you see the duration of 4 years in celibacy as an impossibility, but from my experience and understanding of other LDR couples this is a more common situation than you might you think, and couples have survived with little issue.

It all depends on what kind of people are in the relationship, hence why I'm asking about the OP's partner.
1
reply
LovelyMrFox
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#11
Report 1 month ago
#11
Long distant relationships are hard emotionally and will test you, figuring whether its worth it or not is up to you individually.
Communication is extra important as your not able to see them every day, speaking to him about your concerns and how you're feeling right now would be a step in the right direction and set healthy boundaries of where you both stand.
0
reply
something_orphic
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#12
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#12
(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
What he says he will do - in 4 years time - and what he does will be 2 entirely different things.

He says he will go off to the States for 4 years and then come back to you.

It's all... balderdash.

By all means keep in contact and stay on friendly terms with him.
But also get yourself new sexual partners in the meantime, and don't turn yourself into a nun, just for him.
Sorry i have been absent for a bit. Yeah basically i am not an idiot i just kinda wish he didn't make promises that he cannot keep. I do quite like him as a person so i intend to keep in contact i just cannot quite believe that idk he sort of implied i would just wait around and yeah become a nun?? Thank you for responding to my post and basically reaffirming my beliefs.
1
reply
something_orphic
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#13
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#13
(Original post by Joel 96)
Why would you advise this when we the OP's bf could very possibly be intending to stay celibate during his time abroad? This advice would fundamentally cripple their relationship. Waiting for your partner to return doesn't make you a nun - it makes you faithful.



Relationships rarely transition into long distance relationships (LDRs), as it's usually the latter which is the initial situation. LDRs can work since the couple has something to look foward to later down the line, whereas your situation differs in the sense that you've been together for a while already and now you're faced with the possibility of being separated from your partner for 4 years.

Can't he visit you during those 4 years? Surely there is room for improvisation in minimising the effects of such distance?

How long have you been together? Was the relationship "serious" before this news? Had you talked about marriage and having kids?

Is he the sort of guy who would wait 4 years for you? Is it likely he might pursue somebody else in the US?
Hiya thank you for responding to my post sorry i haven't responded quicker. Yeah he jd is quite a sexual person so i highly doubt he is going to stay celibate (which i dont really care that much about) . I kinda wanna not wait but see what happens after uni. i do feel like we would be a better partners when we're older if that makes sense as the uni thing kinda gets in the way and my mental health isnt amazing bc of my home life. We are not doing long distance i couldn't aha and he says he will visit me it just isn't that practical. His parents maybe moving to Spain and the Unis that i am applying to/ where my parents live is quite awkward to get to (no airports nearby or anything) . He might do though but it will be all up to him as i absolutely cannot afford to see him. We have been together for 2 years and idk i am obviously not one of those people who are like we are going to be together forever aha it just had got fairly serious and he had talked about marrying me after uni (which was a big thing as his parents are also split and he isn't a marrying person and nor am i). He might do i am just slightly like idk the whole prospect of waiting for someone for 4 years is quite daunting he talks about it a lot and has this whole plan i just think he might fall in love w America and i dont know if i would want to just move there i wanted to live in Germany maybe for a bit. 4 years is a long time to be apart so i would understand if he got w someone else i just doubt he would just pursue straight away and he has said before he wouldn't want to get in a serious relationship as he would like to come back to the UK at some point maybe to do a PHD. I think is quite serious about it though and has cried about going to America before and really wants me to believe him that he will come back for me as sometimes i laugh it off. He has even asked me if i would want him to stay in the UK which ofc i was like dont be silly.
0
reply
something_orphic
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#14
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#14
(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
Oh yeah he's going to stay faithful in the States for 4 years. Oh look, there's a flying pig.

Metaphorically speaking it would make the OP a nun.

A 4 month gap would be doable. 4 years. Forget about it.
Yeah we have not agreed upon celibacy. I am not that into sex but even i am like 4 years isnt realistic aha.
0
reply
blackugo
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#15
Report 1 month ago
#15
To differentiate you want to start from first principles. So you want to take the limit of Δf(x) as δx approaches zero. And thus you will arrive at your answer.
0
reply
something_orphic
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#16
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#16
(Original post by LovelyMrFox)
Long distant relationships are hard emotionally and will test you, figuring whether its worth it or not is up to you individually.
Communication is extra important as your not able to see them every day, speaking to him about your concerns and how you're feeling right now would be a step in the right direction and set healthy boundaries of where you both stand.
Yeah we have agreed that we would not remain in a relationship but stay as friends during uni as i wouldn't be able to do it.
0
reply
Joel 96
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#17
Report 1 month ago
#17
(Original post by something_orphic)
Hiya thank you for responding to my post sorry i haven't responded quicker. Yeah he jd is quite a sexual person so i highly doubt he is going to stay celibate (which i dont really care that much about) . I kinda wanna not wait but see what happens after uni. i do feel like we would be a better partners when we're older if that makes sense as the uni thing kinda gets in the way and my mental health isnt amazing bc of my home life. We are not doing long distance i couldn't aha and he says he will visit me it just isn't that practical. His parents maybe moving to Spain and the Unis that i am applying to/ where my parents live is quite awkward to get to (no airports nearby or anything) . He might do though but it will be all up to him as i absolutely cannot afford to see him. We have been together for 2 years and idk i am obviously not one of those people who are like we are going to be together forever aha it just had got fairly serious and he had talked about marrying me after uni (which was a big thing as his parents are also split and he isn't a marrying person and nor am i). He might do i am just slightly like idk the whole prospect of waiting for someone for 4 years is quite daunting he talks about it a lot and has this whole plan i just think he might fall in love w America and i dont know if i would want to just move there i wanted to live in Germany maybe for a bit. 4 years is a long time to be apart so i would understand if he got w someone else i just doubt he would just pursue straight away and he has said before he wouldn't want to get in a serious relationship as he would like to come back to the UK at some point maybe to do a PHD. I think is quite serious about it though and has cried about going to America before and really wants me to believe him that he will come back for me as sometimes i laugh it off. He has even asked me if i would want him to stay in the UK which ofc i was like dont be silly.
No problem.

It sounds like your relationship is pretty casual anyway, with celibacy not being a big deal for you, etc. Just see what happens during those 4 years. Both of you ideally shouldn't make any promises you can't keep, as that would make those 4 years highly uncomfortable. Best of luck.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Do you have the space and resources you need to succeed in home learning?

Yes I have everything I need (149)
60.82%
I don't have everything I need (96)
39.18%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise