Caught Feelings for a Taken Guy. Advice?

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DepressedEgg
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Hi, this is going to be long but I’ve got to start at the beginning.

So back in first year, I met this (we’ll refer to him as C) guy and I quickly fell for his charms. We immediately exchanged numbers and we text each other a lot. C initiated 80% said conversations.

When he’d see me outside, he run over and talk to me (legit ignoring his friends). At this point I’m assuming he likes me cuz guy’s that pay that much attention to girls (right?). And the way C was starting to text me was off- like it really came across as flirty.

Fast forward to now, we’re still talking. Been round his place a few times, had some...fun, is one way to put it. Anyways I found out he has a girlfriend, yikes. I put Sherlock Holmes’s hat and got to work. Apparently he’s been dating this girl for years, 7 years.

They have pictures of each other on their Insta, the girl is so pretty too. Like after we done it, C said he wanted to keep it a secret. Yet he stay texting me and saying sus ****.

The worse thing is I really want him but I don’t want to be the result of the breakup. He does little things like using the word love instead of like (he knows what he’s doing).

Here’s my issues. 1) I’ve been cheated on so I really feel bad for the girl. 2) C is a hoe, he’s slept with a few other girls in know at uni. 3) A part of me really has a massive crush on C and I don’t know what to do.

How should I go about this? Do I message his girlfriend on Insta and tell her? But I don’t want to force them to break up. How can I distance myself from these feelings I have for him? I haven’t seen him in 3 weeks now but he still texts me.

Saying he misses me and would love to see me again. I thought putting a distance between would work but he’s still on my mind.

Any advice?
- Confused Sis
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Surnia
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Stay away from him and block him so he can no further contact with you; he's only texting you because you are letting him.

Even if you got together you wouldn't be able to trust him; if he can cheat on his current girlfriend who's to say he wouldn't do it with you? And why do you have feelings for a guy like that anyway? He's trash and treats women as such.
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DepressedEgg
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(Original post by Surnia)
Stay away from him and block him so he can no further contact with you; he's only texting you because you are letting him.

Even if you got together you wouldn't be able to trust him; if he can cheat on his current girlfriend who's to say he wouldn't do it with you? And why do you have feelings for a guy like that anyway? He's trash and treats women as such.
I caught feelings because he’s actually such a nice guy. We just get along really well, it’s not until later that I realised he was like this. You make a good point, if I did date him I wouldn’t trust. God I feel stupid. Thanks for the advice! X
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Surnia
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(Original post by DepressedEgg)
I caught feelings because he’s actually such a nice guy. We just get along really well, it’s not until later that I realised he was like this. You make a good point, if I did date him I wouldn’t trust. God I feel stupid. Thanks for the advice! X
Fair enough catching feelings, but I said have feelings, because now you know what he is really like and are still crushing on him and letting him text you.
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DietMedGirl
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Yeah agreed, get out. When I clicked on this I thought maybe he would have just been flirty. But y'all slept together when he has a girlfriend?? Not cool, why doesn't he just break up with her?
Here's the hard lesson I had to learn through the years - if you let a guy text/see/sleep with you, 9/10 he will do. It doesn't mean he actually likes you much deeper than that unfortunately. It's just the way most men are wired.
I'm really sorry you had to go through this. 100% tell him that you've realised that what's happened here is wrong and that you can't continue this and won't be speaking to him especially whilst he's still with the other girl. Men will walk all over you until they can't, so this will either help you get with him if you still wanted that or help you get him out your life.

Fyi - do you think you could tell the girl what's happened? I feel she has a right to know what her boyfriend is capable of. Don't do it w the intention of breaking them up, but just as woman to woman. Good luck x
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Joel 96
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(Original post by DepressedEgg)
x
If you want him, then steal him. Any girl who goes into a relationship with a guy like that will find out sooner or later. You might as well be the girl he cheats for.
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vix.xvi
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(Original post by DepressedEgg)
Hi, this is going to be long but I’ve got to start at the beginning.

So back in first year, I met this (we’ll refer to him as C) guy and I quickly fell for his charms. We immediately exchanged numbers and we text each other a lot. C initiated 80% said conversations.

When he’d see me outside, he run over and talk to me (legit ignoring his friends). At this point I’m assuming he likes me cuz guy’s that pay that much attention to girls (right?). And the way C was starting to text me was off- like it really came across as flirty.

Fast forward to now, we’re still talking. Been round his place a few times, had some...fun, is one way to put it. Anyways I found out he has a girlfriend, yikes. I put Sherlock Holmes’s hat and got to work. Apparently he’s been dating this girl for years, 7 years.

They have pictures of each other on their Insta, the girl is so pretty too. Like after we done it, C said he wanted to keep it a secret. Yet he stay texting me and saying sus ****.

The worse thing is I really want him but I don’t want to be the result of the breakup. He does little things like using the word love instead of like (he knows what he’s doing).

Here’s my issues. 1) I’ve been cheated on so I really feel bad for the girl. 2) C is a hoe, he’s slept with a few other girls in know at uni. 3) A part of me really has a massive crush on C and I don’t know what to do.

How should I go about this? Do I message his girlfriend on Insta and tell her? But I don’t want to force them to break up. How can I distance myself from these feelings I have for him? I haven’t seen him in 3 weeks now but he still texts me.

Saying he misses me and would love to see me again. I thought putting a distance between would work but he’s still on my mind.

Any advice?
- Confused Sis
If hed cheat on his girlfriend with you, nothing stopping him from doing the Same to u if the situation arises.

If I were u I'd tell his gf. Just mssg her or soemthing
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DepressedEgg
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(Original post by Surnia)
Fair enough catching feelings, but I said have feelings, because now you know what he is really like and are still crushing on him and letting him text you.
I’m definitely still crushing on him, I’m guessing cuz I’ve been crushing on him for so long (like almost 2 years). Now I’m just disappointed in myself and him. It’s been two days since we last texted, I don’t send him messages first but I still respond. A part of me wants to keep him as a friend but that’s just selfish. Probably best if I block him on everything, right?
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DepressedEgg
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(Original post by DietMedGirl)
Yeah agreed, get out. When I clicked on this I thought maybe he would have just been flirty. But y'all slept together when he has a girlfriend?? Not cool, why doesn't he just break up with her?
Here's the hard lesson I had to learn through the years - if you let a guy text/see/sleep with you, 9/10 he will do. It doesn't mean he actually likes you much deeper than that unfortunately. It's just the way most men are wired.
I'm really sorry you had to go through this. 100% tell him that you've realised that what's happened here is wrong and that you can't continue this and won't be speaking to him especially whilst he's still with the other girl. Men will walk all over you until they can't, so this will either help you get with him if you still wanted that or help you get him out your life.

Fyi - do you think you could tell the girl what's happened? I feel she has a right to know what her boyfriend is capable of. Don't do it w the intention of breaking them up, but just as woman to woman. Good luck x
Thank you for the help! I’m starting to think this is the case, unfortunately I was too hung up on my feelings on C. In regards to his girlfriend, I really wanna tell her, I’m scared but she deserves to know the truth, I just don’t know what to say. Like I can’t be like “hey! Slept with ur bf but he also slept with other girls.” Like how do I explain this situation to her delicately?
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DepressedEgg
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(Original post by Joel 96)
If you want him, then steal him. Any girl who goes into a relationship with a guy like that will find out sooner or later. You might as well be the girl he cheats for.
Oh gosh...that just sounds bad. Really appreciate y’all talking me out of this sh!t.
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Joel 96
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(Original post by DepressedEgg)
Oh gosh...that just sounds bad. Really appreciate y’all talking me out of this sh!t.
Glad you think so. Tell the girl what you did and save her from finding out later down the line. The earlier the better.

Also, it's important that you accept that whatever you tell her, it won't be a delicate process. Just be 100% honest about what happened and apologise. It won't be easy, but the first step in seeking forgiveness from others is by forgiving yourself and being better.
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baby.bear
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block his number. tell his girlfriend and never speak to him again.

he’s an awful person and I’m sure you can see that. you MUST tell his girlfriend. you know what it’s like to be cheated on, so you know how awful she will feel. please tell her.

block his number and cut all contact.

if he cheats on her, he will cheat on you. it’s inevitable.
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DietMedGirl
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(Original post by DepressedEgg)
Thank you for the help! I’m starting to think this is the case, unfortunately I was too hung up on my feelings on C. In regards to his girlfriend, I really wanna tell her, I’m scared but she deserves to know the truth, I just don’t know what to say. Like I can’t be like “hey! Slept with ur bf but he also slept with other girls.” Like how do I explain this situation to her delicately?
Don't worry sis we've all been there, don't feel bad and don't waste any more time or feelings on him. Hm up to you but maybe "I'm so so sorry to be the person to send this but me and your boyfriend slept together, and I know for a fact he has slept with other girls. I totally appreciate if you dont want to reply to this, I just felt that woman to woman you deserved this information. We are not seeing each other any more. Hope you're okay and if I can do anything to help please let me know." Idk something polite but direct/honest.
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