So, I have had this crush on this guy at my uni for maybe about a year. I didn't have much confidence last year to make any moves on him or create a friendship so I left it. He invited me to his party at the start of the year (before covid) and it was really fun, I wasn't really focused on him too much at this point because I had been having other things with other people. However, he was quite flirty and apparently was trying to dance with me but I was far too drunk to notice, he even ended up giving me his hat to keep. It was overall great !!
Obviously Lockdown happened and I didn't hear from him or see him, we texted maybe twice? And it was cool but he isn't a big phone person so I didn't really expect much. I had also gained a lot of confidence within myself, I found some self worth, whereas I guess I always depending on male validation along with just wanting everyone to like me - whilst not liking myself.
Anyway cut to september and I moved back to where I study, I bought something he put up online and he hand delivered it. I invited him for coffee and we chatted, it was super nice. I had kind of forgotten about my crush but I saw him and it all kinda came back again. I eventually asked him if he wanted to go out for coffee with me - and he said yeah! He did kind of mention that we should do uni work together, so it didn't feel datey.
When we met for coffee he was really sweet, attentive, he asked to make this a regular thing and then I had drinks with him and some friends afterwards. It was super nice. Since then we have met every weekend, he even invited me over to make pizza with him at his flat.
I am really conflicted on how I should proceed with this "relationship". We are both from the same city and will be going back soon for Christmas, we did make vague plans to meet over Christmas but I am not sure if that will happen without me always asking to meet and making those first inital steps to do things with him.
I really don't want to annoy him by constantly asking to meet, but I know if he didn't want to hang out with me he would've avoided meeting at least.
I guess when it comes down to it, I have a huge fear of being vunerable and showing how I feel in case I get rejected. I want to move past this, if I get rejected? So what! I am still me, and still doing okay.
I hate the way I deal with crushes. I romanticise them far too much, even to the point where I can't look them in the eye. AHH I don't know, I just needed to vent.
Hope you had a giggle reading this, as I feel like I am 12 again.