Bf put hand around another girls waist

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Anonymous #1
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My friend told me to come over as some of his friends ( girls and boys ) when I was there he was sitting down and she was standing up next to him and he put his hand around her waist. I was so upset so I stayed quiet.

After they left I said to him what would you do if my friend came and put his hand on my waist.
He replied with huh? Depends What type of friends you guys are. Then I said it’s a yes or no question friend is a friend then he said I’ll deal with that when I get to it. Then I said why do u think it’s ok to do it to her you had your hand around her waist. HE LAUGHED AND SAID HES GOING TO SLEEP.

I was so angry and upset I came to him about something and he laughed in my face. I told him get me an Uber home (5am) he said ok and gave me the money for it but said sorry if you feel like I disrespected you ( didn’t seem legit at all ,after I made a scene about going home). Sorry I couldn’t sleep in a bed With someone who laughs in my face when I come to him with an issue about a girl. He said he only did it because he was telling her something. ( while he’s laying in bed typing on his phone)

This just makes me think if he can do this in front of me what does he do behind my back. I was shaking so much because I was so angry. And I left his house.

How should I feel? I just cannot deal with this anymore I just feel stressed this has put the cherry on top
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learner38
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It’s perfectly reasonable for you to feel upset. Instead of him talking it out with you he didn’t consider your emotions. If it was the other way round I’m sure he’ll feel some type of way. Idk if this is the first time he’s doing something like this but u need to speak to him and tell him that’s he’s not considering your emotions . If he still doesn’t care well then maybe tht shows his character. Goodluck!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by learner38)
It’s perfectly reasonable for you to feel upset. Instead of him talking it out with you he didn’t consider your emotions. If it was the other way round I’m sure he’ll feel some type of way. Idk if this is the first time he’s doing something like this but u need to speak to him and tell him that’s he’s not considering your emotions . If he still doesn’t care well then maybe tht shows his character. Goodluck!
I was so upset I left. I feel sick to my stomach like ew. I really don’t want to speak to him.
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Arianamarie
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Friends or not he should have his hand around her waist period. He would feel some type of way if it was the other way around. Talk to him girl let him know how your feeling and if he can’t understand them let him go because no telling what he’s doing behind your back .
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Zarek
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How’s his behaviour otherwise. Perhaps he has a more relaxed attitude to physical contact and it doesn’t feel serious to him. Or perhaps he’s not committed and this is a disrespectful sign of that. You’ve made it pretty clear how you feel, hopefully he’ll reach out with a proper apology now. Once the dust has settled you can agree the ground rules for the future.
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Theloniouss
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Neither of you is capable of communicating, but I'm not sure it's a sign he's cheating on you.
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YaliaV123
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How long have you been together and what’s your relationship like in general? I do think it was disrespectful and unnecessary.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by YaliaV123)
How long have you been together and what’s your relationship like in general? I do think it was disrespectful and unnecessary.
6 months. Our relationship is normal.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Theloniouss)
Neither of you is capable of communicating, but I'm not sure it's a sign he's cheating on you.
What do you mean about the communicating bit?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Zarek)
How’s his behaviour otherwise. Perhaps he has a more relaxed attitude to physical contact and it doesn’t feel serious to him. Or perhaps he’s not committed and this is a disrespectful sign of that. You’ve made it pretty clear how you feel, hopefully he’ll reach out with a proper apology now. Once the dust has settled you can agree the ground rules for the future.
He has a more relaxed attitude with physical contact I feel so. However , this was so disgusting and unacceptable because his hand was just chilling there. Regardless if he was telling her something why would his hand be there. Also he knows I don’t really like the girl.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Arianamarie)
Friends or not he should have his hand around her waist period. He would feel some type of way if it was the other way around. Talk to him girl let him know how your feeling and if he can’t understand them let him go because no telling what he’s doing behind your back .
Hey, honestly friends or not he shouldn’t have his hand around her 100%. This really made me so mad and especially the way he communicated to me after I asked him that although it was 5am it was still not ok for him to laugh in my face then say he’s going to sleep. When I made a scene he then said sorry i felt disrespected and come to bed let’s speak about it but why do I need to make a scene for him to say that. I was already so angry and shaking, why would I want to come to bed with someone like that? I had to leave. I’m normally a dramatic person but in this case I don’t feel like I was.

This has really made me upset I don’t know if I should break up with him.
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Trinculo
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From my point of view this is perfectly normal behaviour. My opinion is that you are overreacting - and not by a little bit.
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Theloniouss
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What do you mean about the communicating bit?
Your "How would you like it if I did that to a guy?" initial comment is accusatory, it immediately puts him in a position that he has to defend his action, same with "Why do you think it's okay to do that?" If your boyfriend does something you're uncomfortable with, instead of acting as if he should just know, tell him. More "I'd prefer it if you didn't do that, it made me uncomfortable", less "What's wrong with you, *******?".

Same with him. He shouldn't be laughing at or dismissing you if you're upset, even if you're handling it poorly.

I didn't understand "Then I said it’s a yes or no question friend is a friend then he said I’ll deal with that when I get to it" though, so maybe there's something I missed.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Trinculo)
From my point of view this is perfectly normal behaviour. My opinion is that you are overreacting - and not by a little bit.
Normal behaviour? He’s sitting down she’s standing up and his hand is on her waist for no reason what’s so ever. Then when I speak about it he completely ignores what I’m saying ?
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pancakesbob7
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I'd find that completely unacceptable. If my bf did that, I'd tell him 'You putting your hand on her waist made me very uncomfortable'. If he responded by laughing at my face I'd let him know that I'm fine to walk away from the relationship if that's the amount of respect I get from him. Then I'd do the same as you and leave the house.

Believe me, if he doesn't take your concerns seriously, he's not worth your time. Even if he does end up cheating (which I hope not), then he'll probably end up cheating on his new girl anyway and will fall into a loop of cheating.

Good luck! If you're have any more concerns or just need to rant, feel free to pm me, I'm always here
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Theloniouss)
Your "How would you like it if I did that to a guy?" initial comment is accusatory, it immediately puts him in a position that he has to defend his action, same with "Why do you think it's okay to do that?" If your boyfriend does something you're uncomfortable with, instead of acting as if he should just know, tell him. More "I'd prefer it if you didn't do that, it made me uncomfortable", less "What's wrong with you, *******?".

Same with him. He shouldn't be laughing at or dismissing you if you're upset, even if you're handling it poorly.

I didn't understand "Then I said it’s a yes or no question friend is a friend then he said I’ll deal with that when I get to it" though, so maybe there's something I missed.
Fair enough. Sometimes when I say things I don’t say it in the right way me and him both know that. Perhaps I could of came across in a different way but he knows I don’t really like the girl. I just felt super disrespected and he hardly spoke to my that night I was just in the corner on my phone. While he was entertaining his friends. While watching that , he also grabbed her hand to look at her nails too ( idk so touchy , I usually wouldn’t care but the fact he was already being touching ).

He replied back with depends what type of friend it is when I said how would you feel if I brought a male friend to your house and he had his hand around my waist. ( I’ve been cheated on his all my relationships and he knows this so there’s a reason this would hurt me more than normal).

I just really think that was unacceptable and it made me feel sick to my stomach.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by pancakesbob7)
I'd find that completely unacceptable. If my bf did that, I'd tell him 'You putting your hand on her waist made me very uncomfortable'. If he responded by laughing at my face I'd let him know that I'm fine to walk away from the relationship if that's the amount of respect I get from him. Then I'd do the same as you and leave the house.

Believe me, if he doesn't take your concerns seriously, he's not worth your time. Even if he does end up cheating (which I hope not), then he'll probably end up cheating on his new girl anyway and will fall into a loop of cheating.

Good luck! If you're have any more concerns or just need to rant, feel free to pm me, I'm always here
Perhaps if I came to him in that way he wouldn’t have laughed in my face and went to bed but I just feel like that is not ok. I’m really hurt by it especially because he knows I don’t like her much.

I don’t even want to speak to him I feel so disgusted if he calls me I think I’m just not going to pick up I’ll probably make the situation worse.
I had to get Uber at 5am home upset and shaking with anger ( although after he said sorry and come to bed let’s speak , why would he say this now that I’m so angry shaking and packed all my things? Every time it’s like I have to create a scene to get that type of response ) and ahh honestly this has made me loose respect for him hugely.
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Anonymous #2
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What's with all these social gatherings and visiting each others houses? I thought we were in a global pandemic...
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Theloniouss
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Fair enough. Sometimes when I say things I don’t say it in the right way me and him both know that. Perhaps I could of came across in a different way but he knows I don’t really like the girl. I just felt super disrespected and he hardly spoke to my that night I was just in the corner on my phone. While he was entertaining his friends. While watching that , he also grabbed her hand to look at her nails too ( idk so touchy , I usually wouldn’t care but the fact he was already being touching ).

He replied back with depends what type of friend it is when I said how would you feel if I brought a male friend to your house and he had his hand around my waist. ( I’ve been cheated on his all my relationships and he knows this so there’s a reason this would hurt me more than normal).

I just really think that was unacceptable and it made me feel sick to my stomach.
You can see from a number of responses to this thread that it's not something everyone considers unacceptable in a relationship, since it's not inherently sexual or anything. It's not like he would know you didn't want him to do it (unless it's happened before). I also don't see why your not liking her matters. Even if it makes you feel really bad, you still need to respond appropriately.
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Trinculo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Normal behaviour? He’s sitting down she’s standing up and his hand is on her waist for no reason what’s so ever. Then when I speak about it he completely ignores what I’m saying ?
I think so.

I think this is almost entirely a you problem and not a him problem.

Out of interest, what are your other boundaries in terms of his behaviour?

Would you be similarly exercised if he did the following:

1. Went on holiday with his friends without you
2. Went out to eat with a female friend without telling you
3. Went out to eat with a female colleague without telling you
4. Had female friends that he sees with or without you
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