Not dating someone cause of their race vs not befriending someone?

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Anonymous #1
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Is there a difference? People say that it's okay to not date someone cause of their race as everyone has preferences. What about not befriending them?

My black teen friend says that he was invited over to a posh white girls house a month ago. Her family seemed polite but when he went to the bathroom he overheard them being disappointed at her for brining him and saying "You can only be friendly in school but don't bring him around here". Long story, short, he no longer talks to her cause her parents don't approve.

Most people think that's racist but isn't that preference?
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Anonymous #2
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I guess the difference is that romantic/sexual preferences aren't really controllable- you can't force yourself to be attracted to, for example, black guys if you're not. But with friendship, you're seeking something beyond looks, so skin colour shouldn't really mean anything. Dunno, just a thought.
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Rufus the red
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The parents don't know the person so I'd assume that - unless they have a poor reputation that precedes them - they are being racist.

The key thing is whether it is prejudice where the person is being judged on no attributes other than race or whether there are genuine reasons that the parents may not want their child to be associated with them.
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JustOneMoreThing
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No, it’s racist, the parents are not trying looking to be in a relationship with this guy, they simply don’t want a black guy in their home.
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grandaddog
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Preference is to do with an individual, not their parents lmao. That's just flat out racism.
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Jamie Adrian
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there is difrence
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Trinculo
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I love these threads - because everyone is too scared to face up to reality.

Won't go out with someone of another race? Of course it's racism. 100%. That is literally the definition of racism.

The only thing is that people are too scared to go there. It's a widely acceptable form of racism.

Come on - how far are we going to push this "personal preference" nonsense? How about I won't employ a Chinese dude because of personal preference?

Just own up to it and accept it.
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londonmyst
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It's a preference- whether slight or exclusive.
Sexual attraction, friendship, hookup, cohabitation, marriage.
Of course race hate can be the motivating factor in the decision of the person to choose to totally avoid any and all social involvement.
Last edited by londonmyst; 1 month ago
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Theloniouss
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Attraction is beyond your control, so being unintentionally attracted exclusively to white people isn't bad (it might technically be racism, but there's nothing you can do about it). Friendship isn't about attraction, though, so it's not possible for your unintentional preferences to get in the way of friendship.
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LovelyMrFox
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A preference in these senses is generally based on physical or sexual attraction. As there is no physical or sexual attraction for a friendship to work out, that would be racist to not associate yourself based on someone's skin color..
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black tea
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Is there a difference? People say that it's okay to not date someone cause of their race as everyone has preferences. What about not befriending them?

My black teen friend says that he was invited over to a posh white girls house a month ago. Her family seemed polite but when he went to the bathroom he overheard them being disappointed at her for brining him and saying "You can only be friendly in school but don't bring him around here". Long story, short, he no longer talks to her cause her parents don't approve.

Most people think that's racist but isn't that preference?
Both are racist. It's OK not to date someone because you don't like them and they just happen to be of a certain race but to not date them purely because they are that race is racist regardless of what anyone says.
(Original post by JustOneMoreThing)
No, it’s racist, the parents are not trying looking to be in a relationship with this guy, they simply don’t want a black guy in their home.
And you don't think that's racist?!
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londonmyst
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(Original post by Trinculo)
I love these threads - because everyone is too scared to face up to reality.

Won't go out with someone of another race? Of course it's racism. 100%. That is literally the definition of racism.

The only thing is that people are too scared to go there. It's a widely acceptable form of racism.

Come on - how far are we going to push this "personal preference" nonsense? How about I won't employ a Chinese dude because of personal preference?
Is that really how you define racism? :confused:
Who to employ is also a personal preference on the part of the recruiting employer.
I know a few very traditionalist business owners in Thailand, Japan and South Korea who wouldn't consider employing a Chinese citizen nor a national of Finland or Egypt.
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JustOneMoreThing
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(Original post by black tea)
Both are racist. It's OK not to date someone because you don't like them and they just happen to be of a certain race but to not date them purely because they are that race is racist regardless of what anyone says.

And you don't think that's racist?!
Read my comment again.
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black tea
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(Original post by JustOneMoreThing)
Read my comment again.
never mind, sorry
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Trinculo
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(Original post by londonmyst)
Is that really how you define racism? :confused:
Who to employ is also a personal preference on the part of the recruiting employer.
I know a few very traditionalist business owners in Thailand, Japan and South Korea who wouldn't consider employing a Chinese citizen nor a national of Finland or Egypt.
Well yes.

If I choose not to befriend someone because of their skin colour - that makes me a racist. If I choose not to be intimate with someone because of their skin colour - how can that be anything but?

Who to employ is literally regulated to prevent people having their "personal preferences" override things. What if your personal preference is to employ only men? That's the definition of gender discrimination.

Let me be clear - I'm not saying it's bad. If you don't want to go out with someone of a particular race - then all power to you. Just don't pretend it's not racism. I don't criticise it. Like I said, it's perfectly acceptable.
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londonmyst
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(Original post by Trinculo)
Well yes.

If I choose not to befriend someone because of their skin colour - that makes me a racist. If I choose not to be intimate with someone because of their skin colour - how can that be anything but?

Who to employ is literally regulated to prevent people having their "personal preferences" override things. What if your personal preference is to employ only men? That's the definition of gender discrimination.

Let me be clear - I'm not saying it's bad. If you don't want to go out with someone of a particular race - then all power to you. Just don't pretend it's not racism. I don't criticise it. Like I said, it's perfectly acceptable.
I agree it's perfectly acceptable.
I'm using the definition of racism where the focus is upon racial hatred, not one of the three p's (power, prejudice, preference).

I don't agree with the current petty tyranny that seem to be in the habit of going around automatically apportioning a vicious or negative motivation to random law abiding people's sexual or social preferences.
Nor with the hoards of self-appointed noisy moral arbitrators constantly taking the totalitarianist approach rather than minding their own business; creating an unsolicited role of sitting in judgement of all other people's private lifestyle preferences like some omniscient 'big brother' being who always knows best and is always guaranteed to be right about everything.

There are plenty of potential reasons why you could choose not to have sex, marry or make friends with an individual of the same race as yourself but a different complexion and skin tone.
Including your own attraction orientation, personal beauty standards, desire to impress family members, family traditions, secure a large inheritance from an awkward elderly relation or have children who are most likely to look like you/your biological relatives.
None of which would be wrong or any random strangers business unless you asked them for advice/to share their opinion.
My long list of dating dealbreakers are mostly based on age, personality and sexual compatibility.
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Trinculo
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(Original post by londonmyst)
I agree it's perfectly acceptable.
I'm using the definition of racism where the focus is upon racial hatred, not one of the three p's (power, prejudice, preference).

I don't agree with the current petty tyranny that seem to be in the habit of going around automatically apportioning a vicious or negative motivation to random law abiding people's sexual or social preferences.
Nor with the hoards of self-appointed noisy moral arbitrators constantly taking the totalitarianist approach rather than minding their own business; creating an unsolicited role of sitting in judgement of all other people's private lifestyle preferences like some omniscient 'big brother' being who always knows best and is always guaranteed to be right about everything.

There are plenty of potential reasons why you could choose not to have sex, marry or make friends with an individual of the same race as yourself but a different complexion and skin tone.
Including your own attraction orientation, personal beauty standards, desire to impress family members, family traditions, secure a large inheritance from an awkward elderly relation or have children who are most likely to look like you/your biological relatives.
None of which would be wrong or any random strangers business unless you asked them for advice/to share their opinion.
My long list of dating dealbreakers are mostly based on age, personality and sexual compatibility.
I get what you're saying - I just don't agree with it.

I don't see why racism should be defined in terms of racial hatred for one metric, but not another (very similar) one.

For example - let's say there's an ethnically Chinese woman who was born and raised in this country - and is for every purpose that you can name - British. If I choose not to employ her and I have no rationale for qualifications or language - I simply prefer not to employ Asians - then I'm a racist. Is there any element of "racial hatred"? Who knows - but it's racism.

So if I meet the same ethnically Chinese woman and I automatically eliminate her from any potential friendship pool -it's not because of any cultural or language barrier - I refuse to engage or socialise with her because I simply prefer not to befriend Asians - similarly, I'm a racist.

You can see where this is going. If I say that I will not consider a sexual relationship or marriage to an ethnically Chinese woman - not because of language, culture or custom - but I say that I simply prefer not to have sex with Asians - I don't see how that is not exactly the same type of racism.
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