Unexplained Jealousy

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Anonymous #1
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My ex girlfriend was a German student studying in the UK. We dated for 6-months. When she left, we broke up and I was heartbroken.

Recently, my friend happens to know a German girl... who also happens to look a bit like my ex (both blonde). We are all meeting up for a social event soon but the thought of my friends trying to 'get with her' makes me feel jealous, protective and upset. I haven't even met this person yet!

When having a chat with a close friend of mine, he told me it's because I'm still not over my ex. Is this a normal feeling? I feel pretty dumb to be even asking this question but I guess I want some clarify what I'm feeling
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Zarek
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I think he’s right. Plus jealousy is a weird and difficult to control emotional. Either try to rationalise and defuse it or avoid the triggers.
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YaliaV123
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You want to protect her from them so you can have her yourself? I suppose it’s normal, but there are healthier ways to get over someone.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by YaliaV123)
You want to protect her from them so you can have her yourself? I suppose it’s normal, but there are healthier ways to get over someone.
Yes, but this person is not my ex girlfriend, it is some random German girl. I broke up with my ex almost a year ago now, haven't spoke to her since. But I think it's just because this girl is German too... ??
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by YaliaV123)
You want to protect her from them so you can have her yourself? I suppose it’s normal, but there are healthier ways to get over someone.
Do you think it is best to avoid having a romantic relationship with this person, since it reminds me of a past relationship?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Zarek)
I think he’s right. Plus jealousy is a weird and difficult to control emotional. Either try to rationalise and defuse it or avoid the triggers.
Yeah I think I might avoid trying to get romantically involved with this person, keep my distance. But also, I can't keep avoiding every German girl that we meet. We're meant to be going to Berlin next year if lockdown dies down
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YaliaV123
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Do you think it is best to avoid having a romantic relationship with this person, since it reminds me of a past relationship?
I think you would be using her to get over your ex, which wouldn’t be healthy for either of you. You need to process the feelings for your ex before you move on.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by YaliaV123)
I think you would be using her to get over your ex, which wouldn’t be healthy for either of you. You need to process the feelings for your ex before you move on.
Thank you for the advice. Yeah I think I just need to avoid trying anything with this girl and just accept the fact that there are other German women out there and it's okay for other guys, including my friends, to hit on them if they want. I do feel really stupid for having these feelings
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YaliaV123
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you for the advice. Yeah I think I just need to avoid trying anything with this girl and just accept the fact that there are other German women out there and it's okay for other guys, including my friends, to hit on them if they want. I do feel really stupid for having these feelings
You’re not stupid and it’s understandable. When did your ex leave? Give yourself time.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by YaliaV123)
You’re not stupid and it’s understandable. When did your ex leave? Give yourself time.
We broke up just before lockdown 1. It wasn't a smooth break-up, and it was my first one (her 3rd). We tried to keep contact but just argued and made the heartbreak even worse. Haven't spoken to her in 6-months now. How long does it usually take to get over someone?
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YaliaV123
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(Original post by Anonymous)
We broke up just before lockdown 1. It wasn't a smooth break-up, and it was my first one (her 3rd). We tried to keep contact but just argued and made the heartbreak even worse. Haven't spoken to her in 6-months now. How long does it usually take to get over someone?
There’s no set time and things weren’t resolved at the end of the relationship. Lockdown has heightened emotions and feelings of loneliness anyway. Do you still love her?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by YaliaV123)
There’s no set time and things weren’t resolved at the end of the relationship. Lockdown has heightened emotions and feelings of loneliness anyway. Do you still love her?
Sorry for getting back to you late, spent the day travelling. Hmm I still think about her, and clearly, I get triggered so for sure I have feelings. Do you think I should go on this social event with this new girl and my friends?
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YaliaV123
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Sorry for getting back to you late, spent the day travelling. Hmm I still think about her, and clearly, I get triggered so for sure I have feelings. Do you think I should go on this social event with this new girl and my friends?
You should do what you want to do. Just be aware that your feelings towards the girl may not be entirely rational. You’ll get over your ex eventually.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by YaliaV123)
You should do what you want to do. Just be aware that your feelings towards the girl may not be entirely rational. You’ll get over your ex eventually.
Thank you Yalia. Speaking with some close friends, they've offered me the advice to go, that I should be taking on situations like this and not running away from. I think I agree with them. The event is tomorrow and I have already promised, I hate letting people down too.

I will attend but I will accept that I will have irrational feelings towards this person. I won't be making a move, I'll be friendly but also keep my distance.
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YaliaV123
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you Yalia. Speaking with some close friends, they've offered me the advice to go, that I should be taking on situations like this and not running away from. I think I agree with them. The event is tomorrow and I have already promised, I hate letting people down too.

I will attend but I will accept that I will have irrational feelings towards this person. I won't be making a move, I'll be friendly but also keep my distance.
You should do whatever you feel is best. Good luck with everything!
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