I can’t figure out this situation at work.. what does the manager mean.

(Original post by Hugh's Swan)
I had a situation a long time ago where I would have had to move cities to take on a job. They expressly said the candidate should move and I said I would. I didn’t get the job. A few months later they tried to get in touch with me in formally and said, oh the girl we gave the job to didn’t work out, she didn’t move to the city and just commuted and now she is leaving. Do you want the job? I said no - I was second best for them then, why did they want me now - was it because they were just stuck - I had moved on with my life and didn’t need them anymore.

(Original post by Anonymous)
A month ago my manager encouraged me to apply for a job, saying I’d be great , ive worked there for the past 2 years so I know the place. He said the environment had changed a lot (as it was quite a hostile place), he said all the positives about itand I said I’d have a think. He said we’d be working together that he wants someone he knows, is hardworking he can rely on etc He said that it was highly likely I’d get it.

Pretty much every day over the following days he was texting me asking if I’d spoken to her. I helped to cover some shifts over there and he was asking if I’d enjoyed it and if I’m applying.

Anyway I did the interview and he rejected me for an external applicant, he said he seemed more experienced/answered the questions better. Fair enough. I didn’t think it was a personal thing as he’s always said how we have a good working relationship and how he appreciates me etc.

A month later he told me that the guy he selected might be backing out, he said don’t tell anyone but to have a think whether I wanted it. We had a long discussion I asked for the real reason I didn’t get the job and he said it was basically because the other guy seemed more efficient and that it wasn’t a criticism but sometimes I didn’t use my time as constructively as I could (but he empasised that this wasn’t a criticism of me). He said it was a choice between someone who was kind hearted (me) and put the team before themselves and someone who had higher efficiency.

He told me that the guy hadn’t backed out yet but told me to have a think. He talked in very negative was about it though - said that it would be more stress for me, that I’d be expected to live up to that grade. He said he’d expect a lot more output from me and that he was having trouble with the assistants/ that there would likely be tears from them in a few months.

He said that our working relationship wouldn’t be the same as now, that he’d be asking a lot of me and that things wouldn’t be all rosy and he wouldn’t be saying to me oh your lovely etc (not that I’d expect this anyway : / )

I’m not asking whether I should go for it if it was offered again. I guess I’m trying to make sense of the situation. It seems odd to me.

Firstly does he really want me in the job or not ??

Does he think I’m soft/a wimp.. as he’s pointing out that he’l will be different with me etc?

(Original post by 2500_2)
I don't think these comments are about you - they're about the team this role manages.
Clearly there's been trouble in the past, and I think initially he thought it could be fixed by someone who is very supportive and caring about their team (you - hence him encouraging you to apply).
I think since then he's realised (perhaps something has happened) that the team is going to need to be managed quite hard to turn it around. He's not entirely sure if you can be that sort of manager, as that's not your natural way of being with a team.
I suspect he is worried that this job might make you leave altogether, and doesn't want that, but equally wants you to succeed so is torn.