my boyfriend wont let me meet his friends
Basically, my boyfriend of 3 months won't let me meet his friends or even know their names and tell them about me. He originally claimed he was protecting me because they were *****. I can handle myself tho (and i have three brothers to back me up if i can't) and I really hate the overprotectiveness and I've said this before. Basically, he has been struggling with anxiety and some other mental **** that he doesn't like me getting caught up in but I just want to help. He was getting hit really hard with his anxiety last night (i didn't know about that at the time), and we were on the phone, and I was talking about my friends to him, and the subject of me meeting his friends came up. He then went on to say that the reason that I couldn't meet his friends was that I'm not up to their standards and I will ruin his reputation and I don't need them anyway cos I have him. Which is fair enough because I'm not really the most popular or prettiest. But I was just really hurt that he's embarrassed and ashamed by me. When I'm upset I normally go quiet. so I didn't argue and tell him that he hurt me and by the time I wanted to he had told me he was having a really bad day with his anxiety so I couldn't say anything and I just thanked him for being truthful with me. I don't know what to do? do I bring it up? or just forget about it? is it really pathetic to break up with him over that?
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massive red flags, it seems like he is using his anxiety to control you and this keeps you blind to the fact that he sees you as "ruining" his reputation. it looks like he values his reputation and his friends' opinions over you - major red flag in any relationship. he sounds controlling and borderline abusive, and he is making you feel like you aren't "the most popular or prettiest". he should be supporting you and making you feel valued, and by acting ashamed of you, it doesn't seem like he has your best interests at heart...
i would recommend trying to talk to him about it, tell him how he makes you feel, and if he disregards this, then you have the answer: he doesn't care enough about you.
i would recommend trying to talk to him about it, tell him how he makes you feel, and if he disregards this, then you have the answer: he doesn't care enough about you.
You deserve to be with someone who is proud to be with you. This guy isn't. Find someone better.
Don't let his mental health sway your decisions. He'll be fine. He'll get over you and move on.
Don't let his mental health sway your decisions. He'll be fine. He'll get over you and move on.
(edited 3 years ago)
Gurl you don't deserve someone like that. He shows that he doesn't want to be around you with his friends. It clearly shows that he sees his friends more important than you. Do you really want to be with someone like that?
You deserve better. Don't let anyone undermine your worth.
It's a red flag indeed.
You deserve better. Don't let anyone undermine your worth.
It's a red flag indeed.
Original post by Driftway
i broke up with him
That is 100% the right decision.
You don't need to be the most popular nor the prettiest to be successful in every area of your life. Including maintaining your health and safety, having good romantic relationships, academic success, success at work.
Original post by Driftway
he has such bad anxiety. i dont know if i can break up with him
I don’t think you should break up with him tbh
You’ve only know him for 3 months, just wait a bit?
Original post by Anonymous
I don’t think you should break up with him tbh
You’ve only know him for 3 months, just wait a bit?
You’ve only know him for 3 months, just wait a bit?
I disagree, and I'll explain why.
Original post by Driftway
He then went on to say that the reason that I couldn't meet his friends was that I'm not up to their standards and I will ruin his reputation and I don't need them anyway cos I have him. Which is fair enough because I'm not really the most popular or prettiest.
I admire the desire to compromise (that is something that will help in future relationship), but contrary to what the OP thought, this is not "fair enough". It is completely unacceptable and is a massive red flag for controlling behaviour. Whether the boyfriend did this deliberately or not, it is an approach that is designed to reduce the self esteem and self worth of the other person, which makes them easier to control. It is honestly an utterly horrible and outrageous thing to say that someone cannot meet the friends of their boyfriend or girlfriend because they're "not up to their standards". The OP deserves so much better than that, and breaking up with her boyfriend was absolutely the right thing to do. She should be with someone who is proud to be with her.
Original post by Driftway
he has such bad anxiety. i dont know if i can break up with him
You can’t stay with someone because they have anxiety. You’ve done nothing wrong and his mental health is his responsibility.
Original post by Anonymous
I don’t think you should break up with him tbh
You’ve only know him for 3 months, just wait a bit?
You’ve only know him for 3 months, just wait a bit?
The fact that there is a massive red flag after 3 months is exactly why she should break up with him.
OP, put it this way, only you know the things he does for you. Be truthful to yourself, no one here is in your life.
If you feel like you love him, then you probably do. It’s probably just the fact that the relationship is quite new.
If you feel like you love him, then you probably do. It’s probably just the fact that the relationship is quite new.
Original post by Anonymous
OP, put it this way, only you know the things he does for you. Be truthful to yourself, no one here is in your life.
If you feel like you love him, then you probably do. It’s probably just the fact that the relationship is quite new.
If you feel like you love him, then you probably do. It’s probably just the fact that the relationship is quite new.
it's a bit late. I've broken up with him and to be honest. it wasn't pretty. I think he may have only been with me for the sex. I've told my friends. I just don't know how to tell my brothers...
He became really aggressive and was saying if I talked **** about him he would do the same to me. I'm worried that he's paranoid about me talking **** that he's going to make stuff up. He still wants to see me in person seeing as i haven't seen him in the last couple of days as I've been away. Im scared to see him.
Should i go..? i did break up with him over the phone wich was a bad move of me but i dint want to put it off anylonger and tbh i was too scared to do it in person
Original post by Driftway
i hope so. im worried hes told his friends some sorta lie about me tho. i think he told them i cheated on him... i don't know his friends but i don't want people that I've never met to think **** of me
.....
.....
Kind of tells you all you need to know about him really.
Original post by Driftway
it's a bit late. I've broken up with him and to be honest. it wasn't pretty. I think he may have only been with me for the sex. I've told my friends. I just don't know how to tell my brothers...
He became really aggressive and was saying if I talked **** about him he would do the same to me. I'm worried that he's paranoid about me talking **** that he's going to make stuff up. He still wants to see me in person seeing as i haven't seen him in the last couple of days as I've been away. Im scared to see him.
Should i go..? i did break up with him over the phone wich was a bad move of me but i dint want to put it off anylonger and tbh i was too scared to do it in person
He became really aggressive and was saying if I talked **** about him he would do the same to me. I'm worried that he's paranoid about me talking **** that he's going to make stuff up. He still wants to see me in person seeing as i haven't seen him in the last couple of days as I've been away. Im scared to see him.
Should i go..? i did break up with him over the phone wich was a bad move of me but i dint want to put it off anylonger and tbh i was too scared to do it in person
No, if you are scared to meet up with someone in person you should absolutely not meet up with them. He doesn't sound reasonable or particularly stable from what you've said. His behaviour is really concerning. I would most certainly be looking to put some distance between the two of you.
Original post by Crazy Jamie
No, if you are scared to meet up with someone in person you should absolutely not meet up with them. He doesn't sound reasonable or particularly stable from what you've said. His behaviour is really concerning. I would most certainly be looking to put some distance between the two of you.
yea but i feel really guilty. i don't want to make what he's struggling with worse
Original post by Driftway
yea but i feel really guilty. i don't want to make what he's struggling with worse
You owe him nothing, and he can only blame himself for the breakup, he wasn't very nice to you tbf. And it sounds like he's using his mental health to manipulate you.
Original post by Driftway
yea but i feel really guilty. i don't want to make what he's struggling with worse
And that makes you a good person. But you cannot fix everything, and your priority must be your own health and wellbeing. Irrespective of his mental health issues, he has displayed some very concerning behaviour in terms of control and manipulation. You have nothing to feel guilty about here. Look after yourself and put some distance between the two of you.
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