Asking a housemate out

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#1
I was thinking of asking my housemate out. However, I think she might say that we should invite our other housemates. I just want it to be me and her, so if she does suggest inviting the other housemates, should I tell her that I want it to be only the two of us?
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goggleyed
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#2
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#2
well obviously. tell her the truth. i'm asking you out... ON A DATE. can't get anymore simpler than that
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Zuvio
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#3
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#3
Before you do anything, are you really interested in something long term, because if you wind up breaking up, that will be really awkward for you and your housemates.
Also, is there any indication that she's into you? Because if she isn't, more of the aforementioned awkwardness.
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Zarek
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#4
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#4
It better to be reasonably sure that a housemate is up for it when you ask them out as if not it’s quite uncomfortable thereafter. Why not go out with a group of friends and see if you can get off with her.
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#5
(Original post by Zuvio)
Before you do anything, are you really interested in something long term, because if you wind up breaking up, that will be really awkward for you and your housemates.
Also, is there any indication that she's into you? Because if she isn't, more of the aforementioned awkwardness.
Well, she hasn't shown signs that she is romantically interested in me. But I feel she enjoys my company. We talk a lot, have things in common and go out for coffee.
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StriderHort
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#6
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#6
I'd also be very leery trying to date a flatmate right now, esp since if and when it goes wrong neither of you will really have much option to get away from each other. Worst case yr flatmates kick one of both of you out y'know?
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candydiva
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#7
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#7
(Original post by Zarek)
It better to be reasonably sure that a housemate is up for it when you ask them out as if not it’s quite uncomfortable thereafter. Why not go out with a group of friends and see if you can get off with her.
Wat kind of advice is this? It's much harder to "get off" with a girl when she's out with a group of friends than if u can get her on her own...surely u know this basic fact by now?
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StriderHort
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#8
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#8
(Original post by candydiva)
Wat kind of advice is this? It's much harder to "get off" with a girl when she's out with a group of friends than if u can get her on her own...surely u know this basic fact by now?
*shakes head sadly* Plenty of people actually respond better in groups, it creates a different dynamic and trying to go straight for 'time alone' can absolutely backfire. If you can socialise well in the group their friends might do all the hard work for you. (or they might not)
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candydiva
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#9
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#9
Dude (I assume u r a dude)... I don't agree. I agree that being in the group provides more oppo in some ways for socially connecting but it totally restricts romantic/sexual potential at that moment.

When I go out with a group of girlfriends there is for sure gonna be cockblocking. If one girl likes some dude while we r all having a good time there is no way she is gonna leave the group that moment to do anything with him. She may xchange numbers but even this is less likely if we r all looking and laughing while he approaches her and let's be real how many times will a girl leave a group specifically to initiate an approach? Talk about unicorns! S-times being in a group of girls socializing... it's like a group of hyenas....
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StriderHort
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#10
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#10
(Original post by candydiva)
Dude (I assume u r a dude)... I don't agree. I agree that being in the group provides more oppo in some ways for socially connecting but it totally restricts romantic/sexual potential at that moment.

When I go out with a group of girlfriends there is for sure gonna be cockblocking. If one girl likes some dude while we r all having a good time there is no way she is gonna leave the group that moment to do anything with him. She may xchange numbers but even this is less likely if we r all looking and laughing while he approaches her and let's be real how many times will a girl leave a group specifically to initiate an approach? Talk about unicorns! S-times being in a group of girls socializing... it's like a group of hyenas....
Oh that's certainly possible, they might not help, but i've seen plenty of times when they do, either because they want to see their pal hookup with someone or they simply think it's a laugh on a night out. You can read the room/group at the time,

If I don't have the wit or charm to open doors with their friends and get a playful vibe going, then am i even trying?

Remember we're talking about someone and a group they already kinda know. I'll grant it's a different matter marching up a strange group and making a play like that.
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Anonymous #1
#11
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#11
(Original post by StriderHort)
*shakes head sadly* Plenty of people actually respond better in groups, it creates a different dynamic and trying to go straight for 'time alone' can absolutely backfire. If you can socialise well in the group their friends might do all the hard work for you. (or they might not)
Mate, it is hard to form a connection with the girl when other people are around. Hanging out with a group of friends changes the entire situation and dynamics.
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999tigger
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#12
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#12
It will end in tears.
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StriderHort
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#13
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#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
Mate, it is hard to form a connection with the girl when other people are around. Hanging out with a group of friends changes the entire situation and dynamics.
Not denying for a second it's a different dynamic, i'm saying there's ways to work with it if you have the confidence. It generally intimidates most chancers though, who get chased away with cackles.
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Anonymous #2
#14
Report 1 year ago
#14
be VERY careful. don’t scare her away. Why not be friends for a little longer and see where it leads? she might even make the first move. Please don’t make her feel awkward she might end up moving out. Just remain friends but maybe sit with her more often just don’t be creepy
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