BantaPawz_1
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Hello, I am currently achieving a grade 6 and I would like to push my grades up to a 7+.
Below I have attached an answer I had written in response to a question (based on "a Christmas carol"). It would be great if you could read my answer and grade it- I have only written 1 paragraph but grade it as if my other paragraphs were of that standard.
Also I would be grateful if you could tell me how I can improve my work. Side note: I had answered this in my own time so I don't know what this would be graded, thus me asking.

Question: How has Shakespeare used the ghost yet to come to install fear on scrooge?



Answer:

In the gothic genre, Dickens manipulates the ghost of Christmas yet to come (in relation to the theme of supernatural) to give insight on the future- once Scrooge has passed. Consequently, fear is installed on Scrooge and the reader as the Victorian society was afraid of ghosts. With reference to ghost of yet to come, he is described as “slowly, gravely, silently approached”. An unnerving tone is set which resonates with Scrooge – causing him to become fearful of the ghost. The power of three displays an overwhelming presence as the phantom silently approaches Scrooge. Slow pacing heightens the tension as Scrooge is left to consider what is to come. Furthermore, the sound “silently” symbolizes death as he is abandoned while he views what life is like while he is dead. As a result of this, the ghost has connotations of the grim reaper as it has taken his soul. Dickens has done this to construct the point that materialistic items have no significance, but relationships do. This is because society shows no remorse for Scrooge’s death because he was not considerate of others (specifically the poor). Due to his behaviour, they celebrated as they did not have to worry about his wrath.
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tinygirl96
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Read the entire play again. Make up some brief notes too. Pick out examples of when the ghost decides to try to make Scrooge live in fear of him. Write down some quotes etc as well. After reading over your coursework essay I feel like you need to explain a bit more in detail about how Scrooge felt like when the ghost approached him.
That way you can improve on your originally written answer. Also see if you can quickly read beyond the lines of the text in order to pick up on any of the hidden meanings that is embedded in the text and so on. Identify some of the different emotions that are experienced by Scrooge.
To pick up a few extra marks overall you could aim to see if there is fodder in the other scenes which you could use as supplementary evidence in the form of quotes mainly in addition. Pay attention to the number of marks which is allocated to your essay and use that as the basis of your essay.
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