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    Hey guys,

    Posting anon as a tad embarrassed so mods feel free to delete if you feel it shouldn't be anonymous.

    Anyway - earlier in the year I caught an STI, which I treated and im now fine. However since this incident my sex drive has completely gone. I mean I don't get the 'urges' anymore, yes I still find men attractive, but nothing sexually triggers off as it would do normally. I also haven't had any male contact at all for a year - not even a smooch or hug, absolutely nothing, zilche.

    Was just wondering if anyone else has experience the non existent sex drive issue? . . people who i've talked to about it, have said it'll return, but it hasn't!
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    I've had the same low sex-drive, but not for the same reasons so probably won't be much help at all, but all I know is that when there is someone there who really you really learn to trust, and who respects you enough to take it slow and reassure you that sex is a good thing, that it'll feel right to do it again.

    My reasons for low-libido are more related to past relationships and losing trust in guys in that way, and I suppose yours is maybe more of a physical thing isn't it? All I know is that I'm not going to do what some people I know have done, and go have a one-night stand or something in order to reassure myself that I am a sexual person and that I do in fact enjoy sex. I'm going to wait. Because I really hope that all it'll take is that one guy to bring out that side of me again.

    Sorry for rambling!!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've had the same low sex-drive, but not for the same reasons so probably won't be much help at all, but all I know is that when there is someone there who really you really learn to trust, and who respects you enough to take it slow and reassure you that sex is a good thing, that it'll feel right to do it again.

    My reasons for low-libido are more related to past relationships and losing trust in guys in that way, and I suppose yours is maybe more of a physical thing isn't it? All I know is that I'm not going to do what some people I know have done, and go have a one-night stand or something in order to reassure myself that I am a sexual person and that I do in fact enjoy sex. I'm going to wait. Because I really hope that all it'll take is that one guy to bring out that side of me again.

    Sorry for rambling!!
    Thanks for your reply.

    I wouldn't say its physical as such, its just the fact that im now petrified that im going to catch another STI (regardless of using protection) or that my previous sexual encounters is going to happen again, ie become another notch on the bed post to the guy - that is what im scared of.

    I also have a serious trust issue - I don't trust men as all the blokes I have been involved with have either had girls on the side (hence how I caught the STI), on a break from their GF's and want ''fun'' or just see me as a big joke.

    Those factors are what is contributing to my non existent sex drive (a whole year is just odd) - it sounds sooo stupid and I have tried to put things behind me, move on and keep myself busy, but lil things just trigger the hate, anger and upset. For example I had a text the other day from the guy who gave me the STI (who infact did accuse me of giving it to him when it was only him who I was sleeping with), what I expected was an apology, but no instead I got the hint that he was hoping to rekindle things again and try and get his leg over again. That just kinda set me back again and started the whole dwelling over things which I thought I had dealt with when I had the Counselling.
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    So do you never get horny at all, or just not towards men, so to speak? Have you masturbated in that time or felt sexually aroused at all?
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    Yeah I found trust a huge factor in why my sex-drive went. Before that guy, I was with another one for 3-4 years and I felt so safe with him, we had a really good relationship, physically I mean - and I enjoyed myself with him. But then having two guys in a row who made sex out to be some sort of sport where it was just about the individuals getting off, rather about any kind of intimacy.... I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't be with another person who was so detached from me that I could have been anybody. Sex isn't about that, not in my eyes. I'm scared of being used. I'm scared of being that plaything that guys require in their lives whilst I put myself out there for real closeness, and they just do it in order to get laid. So rather than have that, I guess subconsciously I just said fine... I won't have it at all. It wasn't even a real effort not to have it, I just couldn't have it anymore. I became repulsed by the idea of a man touching me. And then I'll have realised that I'd gone 2 months using excuses to get out of having it and think... where have I gone? Why am I doing this? And more importantly... why the hell doesn't he understand or notice that I'm like this for reasons that he could do something about?!?!

    Men are too insensitive for real intimacy, but I hope this isn't the case. I hope there is a guy out there that I can trust and learn to be close to again. I totally get what you mean when you said that they guys just see you as a big joke - I don't see how one act can be seen by one party as a purely individual thing, and get by us.. as something that is really special and if it isn't treated carefully... can be totally ruined.

    The feelings you experience, the hate, anger and upset are all completely normal. It doesn't sound stupid at all, I can completely see where you are coming from. I think I'd be a lot worse than you if I had to go through what you have. Violation springs to mind, and I can't believe the guy who gave you the STI ever thought that asking to rekindle things sounded like a good idea in his head. What is he stupid?! Of course that sets you back, because you're gonna feel like an object that he just picks up whenever he feels like it regardless of the person you actually are. Urgh men make me so mad haha. Sorry for rambling, but don't worry..... you aren't stupid, and good for you for getting counselling, have you thought about going back for more?
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    Yeah I know I'm not anon anymore... but **** it lol
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    damn, i hope to god i never get THAT STI...
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    Surely you wish that you don't get ANY STI, right?
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    (Original post by The Strangest Quark)
    So do you never get horny at all, or just not towards men, so to speak? Have you masturbated in that time or felt sexually aroused at all?
    Nope, I feel absolutely nothing - that is what I mean! Someone of my age (22), I just find extremely odd and a tad embarrassing too, I should be feeling horny like 24/7, but im not. :dontknow:

    Most people are probably just thinking ''get over it'', yes im trying to so I can move on with my life however its just dented me a lot and my confidence.
    When I talk to men, I get extremely nervous and just immediately think ''yep he's trying to get inbetween my leg''.
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    (Original post by KellyFern)
    Yeah I found trust a huge factor in why my sex-drive went. Before that guy, I was with another one for 3-4 years and I felt so safe with him, we had a really good relationship, physically I mean - and I enjoyed myself with him. But then having two guys in a row who made sex out to be some sort of sport where it was just about the individuals getting off, rather about any kind of intimacy.... I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't be with another person who was so detached from me that I could have been anybody. Sex isn't about that, not in my eyes. I'm scared of being used. I'm scared of being that plaything that guys require in their lives whilst I put myself out there for real closeness, and they just do it in order to get laid. So rather than have that, I guess subconsciously I just said fine... I won't have it at all. It wasn't even a real effort not to have it, I just couldn't have it anymore. I became repulsed by the idea of a man touching me. And then I'll have realised that I'd gone 2 months using excuses to get out of having it and think... where have I gone? Why am I doing this? And more importantly... why the hell doesn't he understand or notice that I'm like this for reasons that he could do something about?!?!

    Men are too insensitive for real intimacy, but I hope this isn't the case. I hope there is a guy out there that I can trust and learn to be close to again. I totally get what you mean when you said that they guys just see you as a big joke - I don't see how one act can be seen by one party as a purely individual thing, and get by us.. as something that is really special and if it isn't treated carefully... can be totally ruined.

    The feelings you experience, the hate, anger and upset are all completely normal. It doesn't sound stupid at all, I can completely see where you are coming from. I think I'd be a lot worse than you if I had to go through what you have. Violation springs to mind, and I can't believe the guy who gave you the STI ever thought that asking to rekindle things sounded like a good idea in his head. What is he stupid?! Of course that sets you back, because you're gonna feel like an object that he just picks up whenever he feels like it regardless of the person you actually are. Urgh men make me so mad haha. Sorry for rambling, but don't worry..... you aren't stupid, and good for you for getting counselling, have you thought about going back for more?
    You've hit the nail right on the head with this post! - its exactly what im feeling and what I want from a bloke, that closeness, that experience of wanting to have proper sex, like its meant by the guy - all the blokes I have been involved aren't bothered about me at all, they are more concerned about me pleasuring them and making sure they are satisfied, whereas me? who gives a *****! no-one has actually made the effort to try and 'satisfy' me, its why I just thought what is the point? . . im clearly being used and was fed bird seeds to keep sweet! :woo:

    The only person who kinda has an idea as to what is going on but not in great detail is my mum as when I got the phone call from the Dr's, I burst into tears and almost collapsed, so I had no choice but to tell her. She now and then probes about the bloke but I don't mention it and I certainly haven't told her that the fool texted me the other week, as she would probably kick off. All I want is an apology and that being it, but I doubt very much im going to get that. He also goes out pubbin and clubbin a lot where I go to Uni and im terrified that he's going to see me out with my Uni friends and tell them or tell his friends and something bad is going to happen to me - its another reason why I haven't been out pubbin and clubbin all summer

    I was thinking about going back tot he Counselling, but the woman who I had before just . . .i don't know, I didn't really connect with her, although she gave me some advice and etc on what to do . . I just wasn't keen on her and the last appointment I was meant to have with her, she didn't turn up, so i just took that as a hint that she no longer wanted to Counsel me.

    Really do appreciate your post, glad someone else is thinking/experiencing kinda what im going through (minus the STI of course).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You've hit the nail right on the head with this post! - its exactly what im feeling and what I want from a bloke, that closeness, that experience of wanting to have proper sex, like its meant by the guy - all the blokes I have been involved aren't bothered about me at all, they are more concerned about me pleasuring them and making sure they are satisfied, whereas me? who gives a *****! no-one has actually made the effort to try and 'satisfy' me, its why I just thought what is the point? . . im clearly being used and was fed bird seeds to keep sweet! :woo:

    The only person who kinda has an idea as to what is going on but not in great detail is my mum as when I got the phone call from the Dr's, I burst into tears and almost collapsed, so I had no choice but to tell her. She now and then probes about the bloke but I don't mention it and I certainly haven't told her that the fool texted me the other week, as she would probably kick off. All I want is an apology and that being it, but I doubt very much im going to get that. He also goes out pubbin and clubbin a lot where I go to Uni and im terrified that he's going to see me out with my Uni friends and tell them or tell his friends and something bad is going to happen to me - its another reason why I haven't been out pubbin and clubbin all summer

    I was thinking about going back tot he Counselling, but the woman who I had before just . . .i don't know, I didn't really connect with her, although she gave me some advice and etc on what to do . . I just wasn't keen on her and the last appointment I was meant to have with her, she didn't turn up, so i just took that as a hint that she no longer wanted to Counsel me.

    Really do appreciate your post, glad someone else is thinking/experiencing kinda what im going through (minus the STI of course).
    A lot of guys are selfish lovers, but not all of them. It'll just take one guy to undo all of this, so don't give up. I know its corny, but its true. You just need your trust built up, in order to get over idiots like that guy. I've decided that I'm going to call the shots now, no man is going to do that, its my body and it needs to be shown respect before I got to bed with anyone. Its not like I've got much of an option because of the said low-libido, but things will change. Its good that even in some detached way that you've got your mum there for you. I'm sure its very scary to get the news about an STI, so at least you weren't alone for that, it would have been awful anyways, but to face it alone, I don't think I could have done it.

    Don't let an idiot like that stop you from doing or experiencing anything. Maybe this time next year or sooner, you'll be in a safe and loving relationship and you'll back to the summer just gone and regret that you stopped yourself from doing the pubbing and clubbing thing. I know right now its probably a means of self-preservation, because you don't wanna put yourself out there especially if you happen to be in a situation where you can bump into him again, but you just need to get some confidence back. What happened about the STI isn't a reflection on you, it doesn't mean anything in regards to the person you are, it was just an unfortunate thing, and you're through it now.

    And as for the counselling, yeah I wouldn't recommend that you go back to her. I didn't like my counsellor for ages, but when I stopped hating him, I got better.... and one day he just said, I think you're gonna be okay now, and that was that. Maybe do a bit of looking around to see how easy it would be to organise seeing someone else, even if its just for the one session and you don't go back again.

    I hate that women are made to feel like this, but at least we're not alone, eh?
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    (Original post by KellyFern)
    A lot of guys are selfish lovers, but not all of them. It'll just take one guy to undo all of this, so don't give up. I know its corny, but its true. You just need your trust built up, in order to get over idiots like that guy. I've decided that I'm going to call the shots now, no man is going to do that, its my body and it needs to be shown respect before I got to bed with anyone. Its not like I've got much of an option because of the said low-libido, but things will change. Its good that even in some detached way that you've got your mum there for you. I'm sure its very scary to get the news about an STI, so at least you weren't alone for that, it would have been awful anyways, but to face it alone, I don't think I could have done it.

    Don't let an idiot like that stop you from doing or experiencing anything. Maybe this time next year or sooner, you'll be in a safe and loving relationship and you'll back to the summer just gone and regret that you stopped yourself from doing the pubbing and clubbing thing. I know right now its probably a means of self-preservation, because you don't wanna put yourself out there especially if you happen to be in a situation where you can bump into him again, but you just need to get some confidence back. What happened about the STI isn't a reflection on you, it doesn't mean anything in regards to the person you are, it was just an unfortunate thing, and you're through it now.

    And as for the counselling, yeah I wouldn't recommend that you go back to her. I didn't like my counsellor for ages, but when I stopped hating him, I got better.... and one day he just said, I think you're gonna be okay now, and that was that. Maybe do a bit of looking around to see how easy it would be to organise seeing someone else, even if its just for the one session and you don't go back again.

    I hate that women are made to feel like this, but at least we're not alone, eh?
    Yes, im still in hope and believing that saying - there is a fella out there, somewhere, its just a matter of time when to find him. When that day comes, I think I will be on cloud 9, but take things extremely slow and like you said I call the shots! Not being bullied or fed bird seeds to be kept sweet so the bloke can do as he pleases, fed up of that crap and I deserve a hell of a lot more.

    Im hoping to go out for like pub lunches and drinks with uni friends and work my confidence back up. Im quite a shy person anyway so it does take me a while to gain confidence and feel good about myself, not like love myself, but you know what I mean? . . .If I go places and not stay at home and twiddle my thumbs, keep active and busy than it doesn't really bother me too much, its when I sit around and think really hard is when everything starts to kick in and I do my own nut in. lol
    Hopefully now that I start back Uni this week, it might take my mind off it and just concentrate on my studies . .

    My mum wants me to go back to a Counsellor, but I thought I would see how I got on on my own . . .I was using the services from Uni, so i might go back, but its like a 6week waiting list .

    Apologies if what I said makes no sense, tired lol . . .off to bed as have to get up early to get into Uni.

    But thanks again
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    You're welcome, and good luck =)
 
 
 
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