Boyfriend rarely sees my family?

I'm not sure if I am overthinking this so would like a second opinion please.

My bf and I have been together for 3 years and when I am not at uni we are long distance as he doesn't live near my hometown. I am driving to his to spend time with him until Christmas eve when I will drive back home and during this time I will see his family.

I arranged to meet up with my grandma and her husband (socially distanced walk) whilst I am staying at my bf's as she doesn't live too far from him and I did kinda expect that he would come with me and make the effort with my family as I do with his. He is less of a family person than I am which I understand but he keeps saying he doesn't want to come and that it will be too cold and he doesn't have much in common with them to talk about. He acknowledges they have always made him feel welcome and it isn't about them but he would feel better if I went on my own and is basically refusing to come.

Do I have a right to be annoyed or upset by this? I don't want him to feel as though I am forcing him but I do see his actions as a little selfish and what am I supposed to say to my family when they ask why he isn't with me? Is there a way I can resolve this?

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Some people are just different and prefer to spend less time around family, as you said your bf is less of a family kinda person so this might just be who he is. I know particularly at large gatherings I can feel uncomfortable around lots of people but if it is something that is important to you then it might be worth having a proper chat about it

Reply 2

devotedstudent

4

Original post by submarinesquare

I'm not sure if I am overthinking this so would like a second opinion please.

My bf and I have been together for 3 years and when I am not at uni we are long distance as he doesn't live near my hometown. I am driving to his to spend time with him until Christmas eve when I will drive back home and during this time I will see his family.

I arranged to meet up with my grandma and her husband (socially distanced walk) whilst I am staying at my bf's as she doesn't live too far from him and I did kinda expect that he would come with me and make the effort with my family as I do with his. He is less of a family person than I am which I understand but he keeps saying he doesn't want to come and that it will be too cold and he doesn't have much in common with them to talk about. He acknowledges they have always made him feel welcome and it isn't about them but he would feel better if I went on my own and is basically refusing to come.

Do I have a right to be annoyed or upset by this? I don't want him to feel as though I am forcing him but I do see his actions as a little selfish and what am I supposed to say to my family when they ask why he isn't with me? Is there a way I can resolve this?

maybe say to him it means a lot to you etc, and see how he responds

Reply 3

JustOneMoreThing

21

Well he's not doing anything wrong, if he doesn't want to for valid reasons that's fair, not sure I would want to go for a walk with my gf's grandparents either, bit odd.

Reply 4

londonmyst

19

It sounds like he is a lot less family orientated than you are, does not want to meetup with your grandparents and won't change his mind.
I'm female, avoid my own surviving ancestors like the plague and don't want any involvement with the parents or relatives of a guy I'm dating.

Reply 5

submarinesquare

OP

7

Original post by JustOneMoreThing

Well he's not doing anything wrong, if he doesn't want to for valid reasons that's fair, not sure I would want to go for a walk with my gf's grandparents either, bit odd.

Out of interest, what would be the reason for that? My family have always been kind and welcoming towards him so I don't really understand why he wouldn't just do something for an hour or so that he knows means a lot to me?

Reply 6

JustOneMoreThing

21

Original post by submarinesquare

Out of interest, what would be the reason for that? My family have always been kind and welcoming towards him so I don't really understand why he wouldn't just do something for an hour or so that he knows means a lot to me?

Because there’s a difference between meeting the whole family and going for a walk with your grandparents, seems a bit bizarre that would interest you.

But it’s really not a big deal, I’d probably go for the walk if it meant a lot to my partner but to each their own.