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Loosing virginity on a one night stand

I deleted it sorry
(edited 3 years ago)
Okay so firstly you have every right to feel confused and sad about what happened. Whilst you may think he did not rape you because you didn't physically force him off you, you had clearly said no the first time and I'm sure if you were hesitant and not in the mood your body language would have displayed this too. Consent is so much more than "going along with it" and he took advantage of you and is a scumbag in my opinion.

Please, as hard as it is, don't feel guilty. You are not to blame, you were put in a situation where you did not feel comfortable and you felt trapped which is never how sex should be. If you think you may find it helpful, I would suggest speaking to someone about this. Maybe even professionally, I recently self referred for counseling (regarding a different matter) on the NHS and I found it really helpful. You may need time and help processing these emotions but please remember how strong you are and do NOT hate yourself. You're wonderful.
I agree with @submarinesquare with the xception that you were not passively "put" in a situation where u felt uncomfy... this is gonna sound harsh but rlly I feel that to some degree u did this to urself and u know it.

I hope everyone can understand that I am not saying u r to blame 100pc or even 50pc. U r not. He absolutely must listen to "no." But to be real u gave a series of conflicting signals which even an empathetic and xperienced man may not have fully been able to handle at that moment. U knew this boy was not mature and yet u entrusted him fully with ur body and emotions at this key moment when u were far from sure of ur own. Yet u knew when u lay down wat would happen, and ur account is sad but not surprising.

Girl u were not rdy for this and should not have met him that second time. U knew he would not be mature enuf to handle u or respect indecision. Most teen/early 20s boys can't.... coz they lack emotional maturity and human understanding and empathy...and this leads to this kind of sit time after time.

I wanna be positive so pls never agree to go with a dude under these circumstances of ur indecisiveness about wat to do - to be fair the dude did not xactly hide his intent and from his pov u did deliver a measure of consent as well as nonconsent...whether that's enuf to proceed, we can all debate. But pls avoid this kind of ambiguous and regretful sit happening again for ur mental and physical health. Make a better choice b4 u go to a dude's bedroom. Either u r all in, or all out.... and pls pls make it clear to him as well as urself which decision u made then ur life will be under ur control and it will be much better.
Original post by candydiva
I agree with @submarinesquare with the xception that you were not passively "put" in a situation where u felt uncomfy... this is gonna sound harsh but rlly I feel that to some degree u did this to urself and u know it.

I hope everyone can understand that I am not saying u r to blame 100pc or even 50pc. U r not. He absolutely must listen to "no." But to be real u gave a series of conflicting signals which even an empathetic and xperienced man may not have fully been able to handle at that moment. U knew this boy was not mature and yet u entrusted him fully with ur body and emotions at this key moment when u were far from sure of ur own. Yet u knew when u lay down wat would happen, and ur account is sad but not surprising.

Girl u were not rdy for this and should not have met him that second time. U knew he would not be mature enuf to handle u or respect indecision. Most teen/early 20s boys can't.... coz they lack emotional maturity and human understanding and empathy...and this leads to this kind of sit time after time.

I wanna be positive so pls never agree to go with a dude under these circumstances of ur indecisiveness about wat to do - to be fair the dude did not xactly hide his intent and from his pov u did deliver a measure of consent as well as nonconsent...whether that's enuf to proceed, we can all debate. But pls avoid this kind of ambiguous and regretful sit happening again for ur mental and physical health. Make a better choice b4 u go to a dude's bedroom. Either u r all in, or all out.... and pls pls make it clear to him as well as urself which decision u made then ur life will be under ur control and it will be much better.

This is completely not true OP. You are well within your rights to change your mind even when you are in the middle of having sex with somebody and they SHOULD stop if there is any sign of discomfort. If a boy is not emotionally mature enough to handle this simple fact, he is not ready to be having sex full stop.

You are not AT ALL to blame. Yes, in future if you don't feel comfortable try your very best to be brave enough to speak up loud and clear and be confident in whatever you're feeling at that moment and that it has every right to be expressed, even if it's not what the guy may necessarily want. Your wants and needs are JUST as important as his. Sending you love!
I agree with u in theory...we all have the right to say "no" at any time and to have our partner listen. I wish it would be like that irl at all times. The key would is "should" as u say.

But in practice relying on a superhorny teen boy to listen/stop esp with a girl sending conflicting previous signals is just not gonna work. He is not gonna listen at that moment with all that buildup. Yes that's his problem but it become hers too... living in reality, I would never put myself in that sit where I need to rely on mature judgment from an aroused teen boy. The only way this dude was gonna stop was obv if OP screamed "rape! rape!" which she could have done...then he'd stop prolly... but the humiliation, embarrassment, complexity, discomfort and problems associated with that outcome are also severe coz he'd surely offer a credible defense considering wat OP said...

Rlly the time for a clear"no" was long b4 getting in this guy's bed. The OP's sense of unease should have been enuf to make that decision prior to volunteering her proximity to him.
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Avatar for teddybair
teddybair
OP
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I get what you mean I know that I put myself into that situation and I shouldn’t have done that but once he was there in my room I didn’t know what to do I felt completely trapped. I knew where it was leading but I didn’t know how to stop it I was scared. I’m not blaming the guy for what happened because I couldn’t have known that I didn’t want it to happen
Seems reasonable to me u don't blame the dude but all the same I don't suggest u put urself in this sit with him ever again. He needs to be out of ur life.

Next y not avoid putting urself in this sit again? It is important to develop good radar for assessing the maturity of males in these sits and this xperience could be a good learning.

My xp was different even tho I was young. Master met me when I was 16. We'd talked for some weeks before he visited my town and I was rlly sure I wanted to lose my v-card and I would have volunteered to do it the first night after our dinner at the Chinese restaurant. But Master wanted me to own this decision then and forever and he thanked me for dinner and sent me home that night to think about it. He said he found me very alluring but he would not move forwards unless I owned my decision 100percent. So he asked me to sleep on it and let him know my decision the next afternoon and clearly I could have said no with no probs since I was back at home when I sent the msg and he didn't know where I lived. But u gotta know I had been waiting for this for several years... I rlly needed and wanted it... best idea ever! He was considerate, gentle and listened to me very well... he checked again before he took my panties off that I was still feeling like I wanted to move forwards :smile:

All of my girlfriends from that time at hs had some issues with their bfs/first time partners just like u.... xcept for me. Ur story is partly y I rlly didn't want to do it with a hs or college dude....they just can't manage themselves responsibly and never mind an uncertain and perhaps apprehensive but horny girl who is having a first time xp. She needs to place herself in his trust and he needs to be mature and responsible enuf to know this.

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