just broke up with long term gf...with new found wisdom Watch

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footballhead
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#21
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#21
Im right with you relationships dont belong for these early age, i broke up with my serious girlfriend before the summer, and im still quited f'ed over it.

But one thing ive learnt is, that relationships teach you alot of about yourself, and the world. Even though it causes alot of pain, its an neccessity at one point and everyones got to go through it...
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Harv616
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#22
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Im being a fool here cause i had my first (& only) serious gf when i was 14 and that lasted 3 years.

Your a teenager, we arent ment to have long term relationships, just go out and have fun! not use any1 but u no, just have fun
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Ghost
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#23
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(Original post by Laws)
apparently her mother has a mental illness that makes her hate her children. its untreatable and gets worse with age and the person eventually becomes completely dependent on others to do every day things.

its genetic.

If you could go back in time, how would you change things? Would you never have even started going out with her? Ended it on the first break up?
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BlackHawk
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(Original post by LondonBoy)
Im right with you relationships dont belong for these early age, i broke up with my serious girlfriend before the summer, and im still quited f'ed over it.

But one thing ive learnt is, that relationships teach you alot of about yourself, and the world. Even though it causes alot of pain, its an neccessity at one point and everyones got to go through it...
at least you have learned something. Relationships in the long term are meant for when you are more mature and are looking for something but the fact you have learnt something and can see that through your heartache is very good and quite admirable.
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thefish_uk
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(Original post by randdom)
Same, my reasoning is if it took that long to type it is obviously important to the person.
Yup lol, I think things like this should be edited for punctuation and then moved to the Articles section so anybody can read it, with our postings converted to commends. Except nobody uses the Articles section.

But yeah there should be an extra-special archive of really effortful or good threads.
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BlackHawk
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(Original post by thefish_uk)
Yup lol, I think things like this should be edited for punctuation and then moved to the Articles section so anybody can read it, with our postings converted to commends. Except nobody uses the Articles section.

But yeah there should be an extra-special archive of really effortful or good threads.
good idea! I would find that quite interesting to read through
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homabahrami
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#27
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I'm sorry to hear that you've had such a tough time. You seem to mainly focus on the negatives of the relationship. There's nothing wrong with that, but perhaps it shows how this girl was a bit of an emotional vampire- she took lots from you and didn't give you much in return. Try weighing up the pro's and con's of the relationship. Then, again, examine the pro's and try to evaluate if they really were unique to this girl or if you could possibly find that in another, more stable relationship with someone else. Goodness knows if that is any help but I wish you all the best. Keep smiling.
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BlackHawk
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#28
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I was in a hurtful relationship once that I only recently got over (we broke up two years ago) I wrote down all the pros and cons of the relationship and then I wrote down everything that is good in my life. I burned the relationship one and I keep the other one in my wallet and write something new on it everytime something good happens to me
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Laws
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#29
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#29
(Original post by Ghost)
If you could go back in time, how would you change things? Would you never have even started going out with her? Ended it on the first break up?
im not a prude. im not a chump - i wasnt "love struk".

during the past year ive experianced the strongest feelings ive ever had for another person. and the truth is, id rather have saved them and my self for some one i truely love. sex and what it is, is so fuKed up today. people who think its not a big deal just cant accept they made a mistake or theres some other really trumantic, phyc-y reasoning behind why they think like that.

this may be old fashioned but i would find it so difficult knowing that my future girlfriend (or even wife) has been with some one else.

is it better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all? no, but to think you'l never love anyone at all is way overly pesemestic and i think it can happen to anyone.

ive realised that the "connection" i thought we had was nothing but over run hormones with pop culture realationship ideals from romance movies and soppy songs. the fact is EVERYONE has these problems and if anyone is willing to open up you can have that with ANYONE.

and i think i would have gone through the same thing with any girl who was intrested in me as i was with her (all it is, is the inital attraction, the rest is work done by the two of you).

truth is, very few people truely know who they are ever in thier life time, at this age, its even more blurred and ever changing.
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Ghost
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#30
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I think you have gained alot from the relationship though. If you remember your initial attitude when first going out with her, looking for your first "lay", and NOW look at your attitude towards relationships.
I think maybe in a few years you will look back to this relationship and see how much it has changed you, and be thankful for it.
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tago_mago
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#31
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i dont think you can blame her for you failing your exams

and i've had relationships at that age, without settling down, that haven't caused anything like that. I don't think its the nature of human relationships that caused all your problems, i think it's you. You have to accept responsibility for your own actions don't blame it on having a relationship.

Although i agree that having a long term relationship at that age is a bad idea, it was your choice after all, im sorry but i don't think its healthy to think of it they way you are
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Harv616
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#32
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It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all
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Laws
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#33
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#33
(Original post by tago_mago)
i dont think you can blame her for you failing your exams

and i've had relationships at that age, without settling down, that haven't caused anything like that. I don't think its the nature of human relationships that caused all your problems, i think it's you. You have to accept responsibility for your own actions don't blame it on having a relationship.

Although i agree that having a long term relationship at that age is a bad idea, it was your choice after all, im sorry but i don't think its healthy to think of it they way you are
no i totaly agree. it was me. i couldnt haddle the relationship. it was effecting every part of my life. for thoes of you who can, my experiance wouldnt apply to them. if any thing, im envious of them.

but ive found out im not alone. alot of people have gone through the same thing. sacrificing time and energy for a relationship that just isnt going to amount to anything.

wierd thing is, people could have told me all me this a million and one times and in a million different combinations with examples and trends and you knmow what? at the time, i still wouldnt have listened. i was totaly run by emotions.
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ryma
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#34
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i went through nearly the exact same thing. i didn't realise that i was such an emotional person until i had my first major relationship. it was a complete rollercoaster ride for 2 years until he dumped me incredibly cruelly and i was devastated! i think that i find it really hard to compartmentalise things and my relationship started to affect every single issue of my life, not healthy! i became almost obsessive about the relationship. note, i said rship rather than boyfriend since i think that i was more in love with the IDEA of being in love than in love with him. i would probably have felt the same way about any guy, and unfortunately picked a right w****r as the first so my heart got ripped to shreads!

my sister is the opposite, she's able to have serious relationships, but still keep it a separate entity of other aspects of her life. i guess growing up involves learning how to deal with serious relationships. i would advise to definitely concentrate on your studies, but not to spurn love altogether. perhaps for the next year or so, just make loads of friends. i find that having tonnes of friends and some close friends means that i can have fun and have people to talk about my probs, but none of the major angst that comes with a teen relationship!
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Laws
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#35
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bump for thoes who werent up at 2am lol
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Acaila
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#36
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Hey there Laws
I've just broken up with my boyfriend of 17 months. Sounds a bit like yours in some ways. Don't let a relationship that caused you pain ruin your life though. Realise that there are lessons to be learned from what happened, and carry those with you in future. You'll find someone else and your next relationship will be even stronger because of what you learned from this one.
Remember the good times as well.
{huggles} I hope you get through this
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Butterfly
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#37
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Thank you for posting this Laws.
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ali_bongo_uk
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#38
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you should apply for trisha - seems like you have a great story to tell.....
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Loulalicious
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#39
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(Original post by Laws)
[B]

Cliff notes

* meet girl in school when 16.

* thought she was my the love of my life

* went through major drama, faded away from friends - lost many

* got crap grades because of her

* had to retake year and pay for school

* her mum threw her out of the house (she is crazy) and so left school

* she decided to get a job abroad, happend while we were broken up.

* was alone during new years, experianced her being away for a few weeks, shes going away again and wont be back till the summer.

* breaking up

EDIT: the WISDOM: dont have a relationship till your ready to settle down.
Sorry to hear you've had such a bad time hun- but to be honest it sounds like you had something great when you were together- please don't lose site of the fact that relationships can be great- I'm on my third serious one so I know what heartache feels like! lol! Memories make us who and what we are- and all this wonderful practice I've had will prepare me to be a better girlfriend when I reach that limit of 25 you set lol! Don't be disheartened- not all of us girls are possessive, clingy things (lol) - you might meet someone wonderful who wont demand so much of your time! I think you should aim to find a non- serious girlfriend- that way you'll have someone you can chat about your problems to and space to study. By the way sorry about your grades- maybe you should take them again- do like a home course or something! Good Luck hun!
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Johnny 5
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#40
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*bump*
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