Starting university support thread

This is probably a downward spiral. They don't invite you out so you spend all your time in your room so they don't invite you out etc. Its horrible that you are being left out but it is important that you continue to make the effort. If there is one of them who you find less intimidating maybe confide in her about how you are feeling and ask that you get invited out next time. You might also want to go and meet other people who are living in the same halls as you and get to know them or join societies. This doesn't have to be the end of everything you just have to keep trying, they might not be doing it on purpose.

Reply 122

Abbbie

7

Anonymous

i've jus moved from home to uni an i'm feeling so lonely, its not down to homesickness as alot of people tell me. the halls im in the girls just clicked and now thats left me in the sidelines, i try to make the effort to get to know and talk to them but they just ignor me, its really starting to depress me in the past two weeks i've only eaten 3 meals, i cry all the time and just feel so worthless.
I always thought the first week in halls would be really good but even on the first week i was left on the sidelines- we all went clubbing an they made sure they all got a cab together leaving me to find my own way thre and back and over the past 2 weeks they've kept doing that to the point im so shy and nervous around them i eat and do everything in my room and dont come out till they've gone, its been made even worse cause as a group they've made friends with other people leaving me now more alone than ever.
i'm just so depressed and so lonely that im seriously thinking of leaving and trying next year. i'm one of those people who likes to involve everyone why is it that they've ignored me what i have done- i wasn't a shy person to begin with but now i just want to hide in a dark hole somewhere

It really is luck of the draw. You've been put with people who you haven't clicked with, tis all. I was too, and felt really left out in the first week (I posted on here a while back too!). It's my third week now and I'm meeting some really lovely people, despite hanging around on my own for a fair amount of time. You HAVE to keep going out, make eye contact with people, be pleasant, look approachable... you'll meet people who you actually get on with, as opposed to these people in your halls (who I don't think are worth caring about, frankly). You're not naturally a shy person, so get out there and prove yourself! Just stop caring about what the idiots think and you'll be fine. : )

Reply 123

Botticello

Im enquiring about changing course but my A levels are not very strong for it, but I think my fair amount of animal work experience might clinch it. Im speaking to someone about it soon so Ill see how it goes. If the other programme's full I dont know what Ill do, I hate my department and course so much. I could have got really good A levels from resitting a year just cause my stupid parents think its a waste :mad:

Ive had my prospects impaired just cause they want me at uni straight away 'just for more of a social life' and waste my time doing something I dont want to do.

The thing is, I think I could get to like it here, and I really don't want to waste £3000 on a year I wont commit to. I also get so tired walking round the campus and Im always alone as my corridor mates do other courses.

Reply 124

fightoffyourdemons

1

I've been here only just over a wek and already want to go home. How sad am I :frown:

Everything here is just too overwhelming, even when I have nothing to do

Reply 125

Anonymous #19

Anonymous for the sake of privacy please - people I know personally use this.

Me and my girlfriend decided before uni that the best thing to do would be to stay together in a relationship but go to the best university for us. At the time it seemed like it would be a good idea, so there wouldn't be any resentment if one of us had sort of short-changed themselves by going to the others uni. But now we've started almost the opposite is true or at least it is for me. Being in a different uni to my gf is probably compounding all the other issues I have at uni now like loneliness, feeling out of place to the "type" of person at my uni, not enjoying the course so much, etc.

I'm incredibly close to my girlfriend and we're in a serious relationship, so it's not exactly helping that we're apart. Really don't know what to do!

Reply 126

Wildebeest

13

Botticello

Im enquiring about changing course but my A levels are not very strong for it, but I think my fair amount of animal work experience might clinch it. Im speaking to someone about it soon so Ill see how it goes. If the other programme's full I dont know what Ill do, I hate my department and course so much. I could have got really good A levels from resitting a year just cause my stupid parents think its a waste :mad:

Ive had my prospects impaired just cause they want me at uni straight away 'just for more of a social life' and waste my time doing something I dont want to do.

The thing is, I think I could get to like it here, and I really don't want to waste £3000 on a year I wont commit to. I also get so tired walking round the campus and Im always alone as my corridor mates do other courses.

If changing course is definitely the route you want to take, try not to spend too long worrying about a bad outcome of it until you've had a final answer from the department. Obviously, there will be different criteria for different courses (number of places, entry requirements etc.) but it's still a possibility if your A Levels are at least reasonable and you can appear enthusiastic about it. You're already at uni, which is part of the hurdle over with and it's still very early in the term. Just try and explain to them as fully as possible that not only do you feel the course content would be more suitable, you would actually be much happier altogether if allowed to change. The worst they can say is no, so it's worth attempting at least.

I had a little too much 'parental input' :wink:

on uni as well and don't like my course or where I am that much at all. It's also quite lonely in general, which is probably partly down to me and partly down to not living in ordinary halls yet. The thing to remember (and it gets said over and over again) is that it's still early days and even though the situation appears miserable, it might grow on you. There's nothing else you can do apart from see how it goes yet; if in the end it still isn't for you then you'll have to consider the future a bit more. Try not to get too worried about it until you've given it time and had some answers. :smile:

Reply 127

randdom

OP

fightoffyourdemons

I've been here only just over a wek and already want to go home. How sad am I :frown:

Everything here is just too overwhelming, even when I have nothing to do

Thats normal. Try to keep yourself calm. Maybe organise a night in infront of the tv with your flatmates so that you can relax and get to know everyone. Things will calm down eventually.

Anonymous

Anonymous for the sake of privacy please - people I know personally use this.

Me and my girlfriend decided before uni that the best thing to do would be to stay together in a relationship but go to the best university for us. At the time it seemed like it would be a good idea, so there wouldn't be any resentment if one of us had sort of short-changed themselves by going to the others uni. But now we've started almost the opposite is true or at least it is for me. Being in a different uni to my gf is probably compounding all the other issues I have at uni now like loneliness, feeling out of place to the "type" of person at my uni, not enjoying the course so much, etc.

I'm incredibly close to my girlfriend and we're in a serious relationship, so it's not exactly helping that we're apart. Really don't know what to do!

Being away from the person that you love can be really difficult. However it isn't forever. Try to form a life at uni on your own. It might be worth posting in the LDR soc advice thread (Stickied in H&R) to ask for ways to make an LDR easier.

Reply 128

Anonymous

Anonymous for the sake of privacy please - people I know personally use this.

Me and my girlfriend decided before uni that the best thing to do would be to stay together in a relationship but go to the best university for us. At the time it seemed like it would be a good idea, so there wouldn't be any resentment if one of us had sort of short-changed themselves by going to the others uni. But now we've started almost the opposite is true or at least it is for me. Being in a different uni to my gf is probably compounding all the other issues I have at uni now like loneliness, feeling out of place to the "type" of person at my uni, not enjoying the course so much, etc
I'm incredibly close to my girlfriend and we're in a serious relationship, so it's not exactly helping that we're apart. Really don't know what to do!

ahhh i could have written that. except im the girlfriend lol.
i miss my boyfriend so much :frown:

.
and it's way too expensive to see eachother over termtime.
it just makes me hate uni.
and everyone here is nice enough but they just aren't the friends i'm used to which doesnt help cause i know theyd cheer me up.
freshers week was fine cause we all went out lots n it was distracting and fun.
but now i just feel like giving up. i hate it here atm.
i just miss him too much.
and yet i want a degree, n he'll still be miles away!

Reply 129

I really want to leave uni.
I've been here nearly 2 weeks - which is pathetic. but im so fed up.
i miss my boyfriend extreme amounts and he is up north, and it's really expensive to get trains.
in fact i wont be able to see him til end of november.
i just cant imagine me being here 3 years.
my corridor's really friendly. i'm really good friends with the girl next to me. but she has friends from where she lives here so she doesnt have to worry.
i just feel so bored and tired all the time.
freshers week was great fun, few times i missed my boyfriend, kittens and mum lol.
but it passed.
now i just feel like ugh im stuck here til christmas.
does anyone know how easy it is to transfer from unis? like for the next year. i dont really want to drop out because of finances....

any help greatly appreciated.

ps. i have joined societies etc, im still not happy here.

Reply 130

Valbonne92

16

Post this in the "University support thread"

Reply 131

emilina

17

if your boyfriend wasn't in the picture, would you still want to leave?

my boyfriend is also up north now and i miss him loads. but you kinda have to get over it and focus on uni.

if you gave it all up for him, and he left, what would you do?

Reply 132

emilina

if your boyfriend wasn't in the picture, would you still want to leave?

my boyfriend is also up north now and i miss him loads. but you kinda have to get over it and focus on uni.

if you gave it all up for him, and he left, what would you do?

i have posted this in the uni support thread.
theres nothing to focus on.
i have barely any lectures.
i do my work when i get it- i know i'll have essays n stuff.
but it's not just my boyfriend.
it's everyone.

maybe it's because i've had a gap year, but everyone at uni seems so young.
i'm just so bored by the whole thing.
I don't know what to do, because I'm here now and money wise etc.

it really isnt just my boyfriend.
its everyone.

Reply 133

emilina

17

moshing-fairy

i have posted this in the uni support thread.
theres nothing to focus on.
i have barely any lectures.
i do my work when i get it- i know i'll have essays n stuff.
but it's not just my boyfriend.
it's everyone.

maybe it's because i've had a gap year, but everyone at uni seems so young.
i'm just so bored by the whole thing.
I don't know what to do, because I'm here now and money wise etc.

it really isnt just my boyfriend.
its everyone.

i know what you mean, i have eight lectures/seminars a week which is very few compaired to some.

i have no friends to speak of, and have only made a couple of friends at uni.

i didn't want to go to uni yet, i wanted a gap year but couldn't.

i'm finding it very very hard to adjust.

and i miss my boyfriend.

but i've thought about it and decided it really isn't worth leaving uni. just take everything a day at a time, if you keep thinking 'omg i'm gonna be here for the next three years' then you will be put off. just think 'oh i have a week and then i can go out and do this, or that'.

also try joining the LDR society, i did and they are all really nice and helpful. if you just need to rant they are all there to listen and console with you and you will find that many people are in the same situation as you.

Reply 134

KayleeLand

16

well.................... get over it! seriously, as long as he is still there for you, then you just need to overcome the homesickness. open up to your uni friends and you'll see that loads of people are feeling the same way as you :smile:

Reply 135

Anonymous #20

I've been here nearly 3 weeks now and I'm feeling a bit lonely. Somehow everyone's split off into groups already and I don't feel part of anything. When I talk to people I feel boring and can't think of anything to say... doesn't help that I've lost my voice since fresher's week and it actually hurts to speak :frown:

I just don't know how to get beyond the initial stage of meeting people and have friends I can hang out with. It's been a long time since I've had to make a new group of friends :o:

Advice anyone?

Reply 136

fightoffyourdemons

1

randdom

Thats normal. Try to keep yourself calm. Maybe organise a night in infront of the tv with your flatmates so that you can relax and get to know everyone. Things will calm down eventually.

My flatmates have already formed their own little cliques already, they have people round and they don't really talk to me. They'd think I'm weird for suggesting it :frown:

I've met lots of people and talked to them, but the majority of these people I don't see again afterwards. I've made 2 guy friends, but they both really like gaming, so play computer games in each others rooms but I'm not a gamer so I can't join in with them, and end up in my room alone for yet another night :frown:

I know I've worked towards this for a couple of years and can't give up after 2 weeks, and I know all anyone will say is I've got to stick it out and it'll feel better eventually, but I just can't see it happening at all. I just don't think uni is my thing. I have this anxious, knotty feeling in my chest the entire time, and even little things like working out how to use the laundrette make me feel really panicky, and the anxious feeling just keeps getting worse as time goes by, not better :frown:

I want to tell my mum how I feel but she'll just be disapointed in me :frown:

But I seriously can't see myself getting to the end of a 4 year course, or if I do I'll feel like I've wasted too much of my life in a place where I'm going to be completely miserable. I can barely see myself lasting to the end of the month! It doesn't help that when I go on the facebook profiles of my friends from home, it looks like they're all having the time of their lives, it's just me that really wishes I could go back.

I don't think I ever gave proper thought to whether I personally wanted to go to uni or not, I just assumed I did because that's what everyone else does. All our teachers talked about as soon as I got into 6th form was uni this, uni that. As if the whole world revolved around going to university. I think I've been brainwashed :frown:

I hate this place.

Reply 137

IanDangerously

fightoffyourdemons

My flatmates have already formed their own little cliques already, they have people round and they don't really talk to me. They'd think I'm weird for suggesting it :frown:

I've met lots of people and talked to them, but the majority of these people I don't see again afterwards. I've made 2 guy friends, but they both really like gaming, so play computer games in each others rooms but I'm not a gamer so I can't join in with them, and end up in my room alone for yet another night :frown:

I know I've worked towards this for a couple of years and can't give up after 2 weeks, and I know all anyone will say is I've got to stick it out and it'll feel better eventually, but I just can't see it happening at all. I just don't think uni is my thing. I have this anxious, knotty feeling in my chest the entire time, and even little things like working out how to use the laundrette make me feel really panicky, and the anxious feeling just keeps getting worse as time goes by, not better :frown:

I want to tell my mum how I feel but she'll just be disapointed in me :frown:

But I seriously can't see myself getting to the end of a 4 year course, or if I do I'll feel like I've wasted too much of my life in a place where I'm going to be completely miserable. I can barely see myself lasting to the end of the month! It doesn't help that when I go on the facebook profiles of my friends from home, it looks like they're all having the time of their lives, it's just me that really wishes I could go back.

I don't think I ever gave proper thought to whether I personally wanted to go to uni or not, I just assumed I did because that's what everyone else does. All our teachers talked about as soon as I got into 6th form was uni this, uni that. As if the whole world revolved around going to university. I think I've been brainwashed :frown:

I hate this place.

Hi there. I've talked to you before in other threads in the Aston forum and felt compelled to post a response to this.

You live in Dalton Tower, right? Are those godforsaken fire alarms contributing to your anxiety at all? I know I'm pretty much paranoid now every night when I go to bed of seeing that horrific red light and having to trek down 12 flights of stairs. Asides from that, don't let anything else bother you. I'm going in the morning to figure out how to use the laundrette but I can't say I'm overly worried about it ... although I did get a little homesick the other night.

Anyway, can't you get out and talk to your flatmates a little bit more? You might be able to prise your way into one of their social groups perhaps if you discuss your interests a little more freely with them? I don't know what it's like in your flat but down here (on floor 12) we've been sitting around in the kitchen chatting most days for quite a considerable amount of time, and the whole flat seems to be pretty well bonded together now.

Everyone gets miserable when they're away from home at times, but you just got to try and stick it out to be honest. Go around campus talking to everyone, from random people in the lifts, to people at your lectures, etc. You might make a few more friends just be approaching people and trying to spark up a conversation. I know it takes a lot of confidence to do that sometimes though, I was quite shy before I arrived here but since the day I got here I've been going around chatting to everyone.

I hope you joined some societies on Sunday to give you something to do over the next year which might take your mind off the situation your in at the moment. If you didn't, I think there's still plenty of time to sign up this week to some societies and I think that having that support network to make friends with similar interests would help you out quite a bit with settling in and making yourself feel at home here.

I definitely think that being here can change people for the better, and lead to more social confidence over time. Are you particularly worried about going to sesh, doing drinking games and that kind of thing? Because it seems like that's a great way to come bonded with new people.. but at the same time there are plenty of people I've met so far who don't drink and still socialise well in groups. Oh, and for the record, I'm a gamer as well but I always let everyone else join in so why don't you go and try to get involved with them a little bit? Or is it more a case of not wanting to?

It's a shame that you aren't enjoying it here so far, but I'm sure things will get better. Personally, I love the friendly atmosphere on campus and have already grown attached to the uni, although I expected to be really homesick being so far away from home. I had a lot of doubts in the week before I came over as to whether I'd done the right thing, but realised as soon as I arrived that this is the place for me. But admittedly, its not for everyone, and it doesnt sound as though your flatmates are helping much. In 2 weeks, you can place an accomodation transfer request for either £20 or £40 and move into a different flat if you like, although I would really recommend staying in Dalton.

So anywho, we're planning a little party at some point over the weekend on floor 12... why don't you come down and meet some new people from the tower? You might make a good friend or two, who knows? I'll get back to you on that one anyway if your interested (and if we ever manage to organise it properly). If you've been following the other forum closely you might have realised theres a TSR meet-up in the pipeline as well, that might be quite helpful for you making on-campus friends with people you already talk to on here.

If you still feel this miserable about life here by the end of next week, email Daniel, the residence guy, PM me for my email address and ask for advice, or call 204-4848 during office hours to speak to an advisor from the Student Advice Centre (SAC). Of course, the SAC is located on the first floor of Aston Guild as well if you want to drop in and see them.

Hope you feel better soon :smile:

-Ian Dangerously-

Reply 138