I feel shattered - its the only way I can describe it.
I feel absolutely broken inside.
My family would like me to marry soon , I got engaged to a family friend even though I had no interest in him just to keep the peace at home.
I'm gay. My religion does not allow me to be gay this is why I've never been in a relationship with a woman but I have always had these feelings towards the same sex.
I can imagine myself with a woman but not with a man. My religion is also important to me so this is why for so many years now (5 years atleast) i have kept my feelings to myself and just hoped I would be able to live a single life and my parents would understand.
What i didn't know is that they would not want me staying single due to being lonely.
This year I got engaged (after 3 years of my parents nagging me to find someone and not understanding when I tried to tell them that I'm not attracted to men and cannot imagine myself living with a man and being happy). I was told I could be disowned and that I was hurting them and that made me so upset because I have never been a bad child and I couldn't see anyone upset because of me so my family friend proposed as he has been interested in me for along time and I had to for the sake of family pretend I was okay with it.
And when anyone talks about wedding planning, it really makes me so upset and so angry. My family don't understand why I leave the room when they talk about this (they don't understand that im hiding my true happiness just for them) and the conversation about weddings makes me so upset too.
And I'm good at hiding my sadness but sometimes my frustration i let out because just the wedding conversations make me so so upset.
All ive ever wanted to be is understood. I feel so shattered and have no clue what fate has in store for me.
I know I'm not being fair on him either but it is really hard for me. And I'm a very emotional and caring person too.
I pray everyday that he finds someone better.
Do I have the right to be feeling this way? Or is it my fault?
My family would like me to marry soon , I got engaged to a family friend even though I had no interest in him just to keep the peace at home.
I'm gay. My religion does not allow me to be gay this is why I've never been in a relationship with a woman but I have always had these feelings towards the same sex.
I can imagine myself with a woman but not with a man. My religion is also important to me so this is why for so many years now (5 years atleast) i have kept my feelings to myself and just hoped I would be able to live a single life and my parents would understand.
What i didn't know is that they would not want me staying single due to being lonely.
This year I got engaged (after 3 years of my parents nagging me to find someone and not understanding when I tried to tell them that I'm not attracted to men and cannot imagine myself living with a man and being happy). I was told I could be disowned and that I was hurting them and that made me so upset because I have never been a bad child and I couldn't see anyone upset because of me so my family friend proposed as he has been interested in me for along time and I had to for the sake of family pretend I was okay with it.
And when anyone talks about wedding planning, it really makes me so upset and so angry. My family don't understand why I leave the room when they talk about this (they don't understand that im hiding my true happiness just for them) and the conversation about weddings makes me so upset too.
And I'm good at hiding my sadness but sometimes my frustration i let out because just the wedding conversations make me so so upset.
All ive ever wanted to be is understood. I feel so shattered and have no clue what fate has in store for me.
I know I'm not being fair on him either but it is really hard for me. And I'm a very emotional and caring person too.
I pray everyday that he finds someone better.
Do I have the right to be feeling this way? Or is it my fault?
Original post by Anonymous
I feel absolutely broken inside.
My family would like me to marry soon , I got engaged to a family friend even though I had no interest in him just to keep the peace at home.
I'm gay. My religion does not allow me to be gay this is why I've never been in a relationship with a woman but I have always had these feelings towards the same sex.
I can imagine myself with a woman but not with a man. My religion is also important to me so this is why for so many years now (5 years atleast) i have kept my feelings to myself and just hoped I would be able to live a single life and my parents would understand.
What i didn't know is that they would not want me staying single due to being lonely.
This year I got engaged (after 3 years of my parents nagging me to find someone and not understanding when I tried to tell them that I'm not attracted to men and cannot imagine myself living with a man and being happy). I was told I could be disowned and that I was hurting them and that made me so upset because I have never been a bad child and I couldn't see anyone upset because of me so my family friend proposed as he has been interested in me for along time and I had to for the sake of family pretend I was okay with it.
And when anyone talks about wedding planning, it really makes me so upset and so angry. My family don't understand why I leave the room when they talk about this (they don't understand that im hiding my true happiness just for them) and the conversation about weddings makes me so upset too.
And I'm good at hiding my sadness but sometimes my frustration i let out because just the wedding conversations make me so so upset.
All ive ever wanted to be is understood. I feel so shattered and have no clue what fate has in store for me.
I know I'm not being fair on him either but it is really hard for me. And I'm a very emotional and caring person too.
I pray everyday that he finds someone better.
Do I have the right to be feeling this way? Or is it my fault?
My family would like me to marry soon , I got engaged to a family friend even though I had no interest in him just to keep the peace at home.
I'm gay. My religion does not allow me to be gay this is why I've never been in a relationship with a woman but I have always had these feelings towards the same sex.
I can imagine myself with a woman but not with a man. My religion is also important to me so this is why for so many years now (5 years atleast) i have kept my feelings to myself and just hoped I would be able to live a single life and my parents would understand.
What i didn't know is that they would not want me staying single due to being lonely.
This year I got engaged (after 3 years of my parents nagging me to find someone and not understanding when I tried to tell them that I'm not attracted to men and cannot imagine myself living with a man and being happy). I was told I could be disowned and that I was hurting them and that made me so upset because I have never been a bad child and I couldn't see anyone upset because of me so my family friend proposed as he has been interested in me for along time and I had to for the sake of family pretend I was okay with it.
And when anyone talks about wedding planning, it really makes me so upset and so angry. My family don't understand why I leave the room when they talk about this (they don't understand that im hiding my true happiness just for them) and the conversation about weddings makes me so upset too.
And I'm good at hiding my sadness but sometimes my frustration i let out because just the wedding conversations make me so so upset.
All ive ever wanted to be is understood. I feel so shattered and have no clue what fate has in store for me.
I know I'm not being fair on him either but it is really hard for me. And I'm a very emotional and caring person too.
I pray everyday that he finds someone better.
Do I have the right to be feeling this way? Or is it my fault?
You have every right to feel like this, I guess your feeling overwhelmed by this situation, Take a deep breath and think about what you want a feel, Its understandable you can't speak to your family about these feelings towards the same sex and I assume that your Muslim?
Homophobic religions and same-sex attraction are a sadly destructive combination. The torment is unspeakable. I have friends who have been thru this xact sit. I think a lot of ppl on TSR know about these sits whether personally or thru their friends xperiences.
U cannot live who u r not. If you want to be with a woman pls do not sacrifice ur life on the altar of other ppl's xpectations. That leads to misery, depression and in some very sad sits even suicide. Pls find a way to be who u r. Find a way to state to the fam that u need to be in a same-sex rel. They will have to make some choices about the degree to which they ostracize u.
At the moment, the only choice and a very forced one is being made by u. It can help for them to understand there r boundaries and their policing of ur life needs to end...at the same time u need to step up and take ownership. Nobody said it would be easy. Usually growing up is not.
U cannot live who u r not. If you want to be with a woman pls do not sacrifice ur life on the altar of other ppl's xpectations. That leads to misery, depression and in some very sad sits even suicide. Pls find a way to be who u r. Find a way to state to the fam that u need to be in a same-sex rel. They will have to make some choices about the degree to which they ostracize u.
At the moment, the only choice and a very forced one is being made by u. It can help for them to understand there r boundaries and their policing of ur life needs to end...at the same time u need to step up and take ownership. Nobody said it would be easy. Usually growing up is not.
It's not worth the long term implications on your mental health. Just make something up and say you cant go ahead. You have to live in your head for the rest of your life and you know what's best for you.
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