I don’t want to falsely cry wolf

Didn't say no so it wasn't rape

Months ago, so my memory isn’t all that reliable, I went to my friend’s house to ‘hookup’. I was extremely adamant about wearing a condom and it was our first time having sex. Even though he’d gone to the effort to buy condoms, it soon transpired that he had no intention of using them at which point I changed my mind and pushed him away but I didn’t use all of my strength and gave in. Afterwards, I turned and stared at the wall until he convinced me to cuddle him. I told him that I was upset about him not using a condom and he apologised and said he didn’t think I was serious. We had sex twice after that if I’m remembering correctly and then I got ready to leave. He made this very difficult, I actually did have to use my strength to get him off me and part of me feels like the only reason I could was because I was wearing trousers that time and he’d tried to remove them so he was no longer restraining me. As I was leaving, I agreed to see him again (I didn’t). Since then I’ve been really confused about the situation. I slept with someone else and he literally stopped every time I asked him to which shocked me.
I’m not saying I want to go to the police about it or anything but I hate this uncertainty that I feel about it. I keep saying things like “he was a bit rapey” and “he struggles with the word no a bit” to make it less accusatory but I don’t think I should be doing that.

Didn't say no so it wasn't rape

The first time sounds like you didn’t want to but I don’t understand why you had sex twice after that. My friend was raped at a party last year she went to the police and wished she didn’t as everyone knew about it afterwards. When you slept with someone else It shocked you when you asked him to stop he did wow that’s actually really sad.

Is this post genuine? because of its nature I don’t want to outright say it’s not real but it just seems a little strange. I do apologise if it it real though

Didn't say no so it wasn't rape

In all honesty, I feel really stupid about it. I keep thinking that I should’ve just got up and left, especially as I spent ages looking at the wall trying to think things through. I made the decision to be there, I helped him remove my clothes and it was supposed to be my first “normal” sexual experience so I kept thinking it’s just because I don’t know how sex works.

So you helped him remove your clothes and also had sex twice afterwards but you feel it was rape? Just because you regret having sex with him it doesn't automatically mean he raped you. You made a poor decision and that's on you not him.

Did you ever tell him 'no', 'stop' or 'only using a condom'?

Agreeing to sleep with him in the first place was a bad decision but that doesn’t mean that I can’t revoke my consent. The general consensus seems to be that this situation wasn’t rape but that doesn’t make that the case in every incident.

The revocation of consent is an increasingly trivial matter legally and morally. Unless the female is explicitly telling the male to stop, either through verbal communication or physical communication, there are no grounds to claim sexual assault. Your anecdote doesn't infer explicit revocation, which is why you're receiving some backlash. Rape accusations literally ruin lives.

I never suggested that anything after the first time wasn’t consensual. The problem I have is that I explicitly told him that I didn’t want to in the first place and tried to push him off of me. Agreeing to sleep with him in the first place was a bad decision but that doesn’t mean that I can’t revoke my consent. The general consensus seems to be that this situation wasn’t rape but that doesn’t make that the case in every incident.