Relationship troubles

So basically I am in a long distance relationship with my bf who works in the military. He is currently deployed and we are not allowed to communicate. We have been having issues, probably more one sided as I feel like he just doesn’t appreciate me. I am a person big on celebrations like birthdays and special days, but he forgot my birthday eventhough we met up for a birthday dinner. He got me a birthday gift 2 weeks later and that was that. This incident really bugged me and we did talk about it but he only said sorry to me when i told him my feelings. We got separated soon after COVID and had to do long distance. He wrote me a letter before he left and that was it for the 10 months, and we are not allowed any communication so i only have that letter. I know some other girls in my position and i see their bfs scheduling flower deliveries, making “don’t open before” letters and gifts throughout the deployment, but i didnt get anything like this. I know I shouldn’t be comparing and i dont want to sound materialistic but i just feel like i want him to show that he cares about me. My question is, would anyone feel the same if you were in my shoes ? And how should i bring about talking about this when he’s back without sounding spoilt and bratty?

Reply 1

999tigger

19

Original post by Anonymous

So basically I am in a long distance relationship with my bf who works in the military. He is currently deployed and we are not allowed to communicate. We have been having issues, probably more one sided as I feel like he just doesn’t appreciate me. I am a person big on celebrations like birthdays and special days, but he forgot my birthday eventhough we met up for a birthday dinner. He got me a birthday gift 2 weeks later and that was that. This incident really bugged me and we did talk about it but he only said sorry to me when i told him my feelings. We got separated soon after COVID and had to do long distance. He wrote me a letter before he left and that was it for the 10 months, and we are not allowed any communication so i only have that letter. I know some other girls in my position and i see their bfs scheduling flower deliveries, making “don’t open before” letters and gifts throughout the deployment, but i didnt get anything like this. I know I shouldn’t be comparing and i dont want to sound materialistic but i just feel like i want him to show that he cares about me. My question is, would anyone feel the same if you were in my shoes ? And how should i bring about talking about this when he’s back without sounding spoilt and bratty?

Read it for the second time and changed my mind.
The relationship isnt meeting your expectations because either.

He isnt a good communicator.
He isnt thoughtful enough.
He is lazy.
He doesnt care.

He should have got you on board before he left and you should have understood his situation plus agreed what other things you could do to keep you alive. That doesnt appear to have happened and you arent getting the reassurance you need. I would find it tedious about the celebrations, so understand not everything has the same view. I think your dissatisfaction on that is neither here nor there, although you are using it to mask other strains.

If it works out you are very unhappy and cant cope then end it and find someone else.
Sounds odd he cant communicate at all.

On his side he may not know what to say.
he could also be very busy, if its top secret, then perhaps he has more pressing issues?

When he gets back then you have to decide what you want v what he can offer. If the offer is good enough then make it work and if not then decide to split. If you move away from the birthday boo hoo and talk about the relationship for the benefit of you then its an important issue to discuss if both of you want it to be healthy and for the other person to feel involved. What you need to avoid is a repeat.

Reply 2

Surnia

20

Being on deployment means communications are limited and he may not be able to use his personal mobile phone, but it doesn't stop him getting in touch altogether! He can write, have an offically-issued phone card, send emails etc. Plus I'm not aware of deployments lasting as long as 10 months, it's usually 6.

Is he UK military, what does he say his job is, and do you know that he is truthful about it? It's just I've seen.people on here where boyfriends are claiming similar and either they're not Armed Forces or they are lying about keeping in touch to break things off.

Reply 3

candydiva

16

If u get involved with an armed forces person then tbf u should absolutely xpect disrupted comms and intermittent connection. I know there are approved modes for communicating and I dunno if this dude is using them fully but it's a real problem for all service ppl for years. From ur pov comparing wat he does with others while u r clearly angsting seems to be leading into a depressive spiral. So u do need to have a talk about xpectations but also, the dude may simply not be able to deliver under those conditions. Who knows wat emotional stress and fear he deals with on a daily basis... wat seems reasonable from ur pov may seem like a demanding insecure gf to him and his fellow soldiers who xperience the hard reality of deployment.

Reply 4

Surnia

20

I'll just add that my comment comes from direct experience of being in the Armed Forces...

Reply 5

candydiva

16

I s'pose it depends on deployment.. I have two college friends who were USAF aircrew on ground attack aircraft... they were sent to Afghanistan. They basically disappeared for nine months... meantime the MC dude got sent to Kailua HI otoh he had a total party time there and there were plenty of comms/socials.

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

So basically I am in a long distance relationship with my bf who works in the military. He is currently deployed and we are not allowed to communicate. We have been having issues, probably more one sided as I feel like he just doesn’t appreciate me. I am a person big on celebrations like birthdays and special days, but he forgot my birthday eventhough we met up for a birthday dinner. He got me a birthday gift 2 weeks later and that was that. This incident really bugged me and we did talk about it but he only said sorry to me when i told him my feelings. We got separated soon after COVID and had to do long distance. He wrote me a letter before he left and that was it for the 10 months, and we are not allowed any communication so i only have that letter. I know some other girls in my position and i see their bfs scheduling flower deliveries, making “don’t open before” letters and gifts throughout the deployment, but i didnt get anything like this. I know I shouldn’t be comparing and i dont want to sound materialistic but i just feel like i want him to show that he cares about me. My question is, would anyone feel the same if you were in my shoes ? And how should i bring about talking about this when he’s back without sounding spoilt and bratty?

You should probably break up

Relationship troubles

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you