Am I being selfish for feeling this way?

Hello,
So I am in a bit of a weird situation for xmas. I live with 2 other house-mates, we all know each other for ages and lived together for years, we're all good friends. I decided to spend xmas here so I don't risk my family getting the disease. My house-mates have decided to spend xmas day together at another house with a few other friends -

The other friends are also my friends too - we are also good friends and we are all in the same friendship circle / group. And when I said Im staying here, they said they want a small christmas and can only have a few people
(Covid is not an issue 2 house are allowed to meet and Im no any extra covid risk (I work from home, stay inside, dont have health problems etc.) - so me being there would not change any risk)
So I dont know what to feel about it. One hand I do feel a bit left out, like they have forgotten me or dont want me there. But also I know planning xmas stuff is difficult and having another person might make things more stressful for them.

And it is their xmas and they do not have to invite me if they dont want to, they have their own reasons. But for me it feels like im being left on my own for xmas while my friends go and spend the day without me. And whatever the reasons, my thoughts are always that they dont want me there, they dont really like me...
So thats my point / question, am I being selfish in just thinking of me and and being upset / frustrated over it - not thinking of their own reasons/issues and thinking like I'm 'entitled' to be invited? What would you do to help with those thoughts or make the situation better?

Thank you

Reply 1

MinaChong

Based on your version

1. You are not the selfish one here
2. If they could not have invited everyone from your house, they should not have invited anyone from your house
3. You are the third one in the pecking order, no matter which way you look or reflect at it.

What you need to do?

1. Ask politely for an explanation (they deserve to have the opportunity to explain in case its all a misunderstanding)
2. If the explanation above doesn't include some solid excuse such as they were forced by the CIA, then it means there was no real friendship there that you'll lose. Smile and let them adrift, your future doesn't include them in any relationships you wish to have. Their loss. There are real people out there who can form real friendships.

Reply 2

username5428282

How did you meet them?

Reply 3

Sareem94

Original post by MinaChong

Thank you for your reply.

When I have said I'm staying here, they have said they want a small bubble, and dont have enough space/stuff for more people. And I do not think they are lying about that but like you said I am probably the last person they thought about / they just did not think of me.

But with them inviting the rest of the house (which is still only a few people total) I feel even though we are all good friends, all meet together on the same course years ago I am not part of the friendship group as the others. It is more like they want to meet between themselves and I am not a part of that.

Thanks you again for you advice

Am I being selfish for feeling this way?

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