I’ve lost interest in affection/sex with my bf

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 year ago
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Me and my boyfriend have been together nearly 1.5 years. We’re both in our 20s, he’s amazing and kind and treats me like a goddess. But my problem is that I’ve never been massively affectionate, whereas he really is.

At the beginning of our relationship, like any relationship, sparks were constantly flying and we had sex very often. Then COVID hit, and we quarantined together - that’s where the problems started...the first lockdown, I literally didn’t even want him touching me. I couldn’t stand being cuddled, kissed, touched, nothing. At first I thought it was my contraception (the injection) but then thought it was slightly more than that.

Over summer things went somewhat back to normal, still not seeing each other that often, but then the second lockdown came. Same thing happened again - he noted I never ever go to kiss/hug him first, and I never say “I love you” first either. I also completely shut away from sex, and again, didn’t want to be touched at all. I’d get turned off VERY easily over the most minor thing.

I’ve not seen him for a few weeks/couple of months since (only because we live separately and I was at uni) and I’ve honestly not struggled without sex at all. It’s not like I’m looking for anyone else - that’s not the case at all. But he seems to be crazy attracted to me, always up for sex whenever and in the last few months I’ve felt barely anything. Even still now, he has to ask me for a kiss, and it feels like I’m forced to do it to make him happy or feel loved - I feel so horrible about it because a lot of the time I reject his request for a kiss or whatever and I can see it hurts him, but I don’t want to feel forced to do something I just don’t really feel like doing?

At one point he said “it feels like I’m in love with a friend who’s not in love with me” and it crushed me hearing him say that. We laugh together and I do enjoy my time with him, but when it comes to affection and sex I just don’t seem to feel it as intensely as before. But I honestly don’t know what to do ... I don’t want to lose him. Is a “dry spell” normal? Is this temporary? How long should I wait until it’s considered something more drastic?
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 1 year ago
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You could be stressed about something? Is there something else that's bothering you, such as family/studies or workload? Try to relax more often, and always remember the good things he does for you, or what makes him so special to you. I'm sure it's there. Don't worry, COVID has affected many people the exact same way. Try to look at him and see what makes him so amazing and so special to you. It should help you feel affection for him.
If that doesn't work you could try asking the doctor for advice and check it's not your contraceptive injection? There's always counselling too, if you want to try that out because it helps out lots of people!
Let us know how it goes, I wish you the best.
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You could be stressed about something? Is there something else that's bothering you, such as family/studies or workload? Try to relax more often, and always remember the good things he does for you, or what makes him so special to you. I'm sure it's there. Don't worry, COVID has affected many people the exact same way. Try to look at him and see what makes him so amazing and so special to you. It should help you feel affection for him.
If that doesn't work you could try asking the doctor for advice and check it's not your contraceptive injection? There's always counselling too, if you want to try that out because it helps out lots of people!
Let us know how it goes, I wish you the best.
You seem very kind, thank you. I suppose the whole covid situation, not having my own space, a lot of uni work and not being able to live a normal life lately has all piled up as stress. I have absolutely no intention of breaking up, just this feeling has me panicked and overthinking whether this is “the end” or not! I’ve been thinking of counselling for a while so I’ll definitely take that up I think. Thank you!
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