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Did I sexually assault my friend?

During my friend's very first sexual experience, after she touched my penis and was curious about it, I playfully flung my erect penis at her knee. I did it playfully thinking she's find it funny, but I accidentally got pre-ejaculatory fluid on her knee and she was grossed out.

We hung out the next day but things were a bit off/awkward but I didn't yet realise that she didn't feel as though this contact (me touching her knee) was consensual. I regretted what happened the day before because I wasn't attracted to her at all and she seemed to be flirty and she didn't seem to pick up on how I wasn't attracted to her.

I pushed her away for a few days, taking ages to reply and replying with very short messages and four days later, she told me that she didn't feel comfortable hanging out with me anymore after I'd touched her knee.

I do think she felt violated by what happened but it wasn't intentional on my part. I apologised as soon as she suggested that she didn't want to hang out anymore and I was glad that we were going separate ways because I'd needed more space from her.

She then accused me of sexual assault (being my back). Did I sexually assault my friend even if there was no intention? I don't want to negate from how she felt but surely, if it wasn't intentional, it isn't sexual assault? I'm sorry for how she feels and I always have been but I can't turn back time.

I heard through someone else that she was afraid of being attacked by me and I initially thought she was being malicious, but I'm now no longer sure. She trusted me a lot and I was the closest she's been with a male but she generally is terrified of men and is very autistic. She may also have PTSD amongst a range of other mental health conditions.

She stayed over for 10 weeks because she was lonely and didn't like her own place.

She's also publicly claimed that there are other victims (when it's not true) and that I joked about it (but this was before she tolld me that it wasn't consensual).

She also accused me of sexual harassment for once getting off the floor and climbing into my bed in my sleep when I'd forgotten that she was staying over and sleeping in that bed that night.

Another thing she's accused me of is 'stepping over her naked' one night in order to use the lavatory: I slept half dressed/naked underneath my duvet during summer because of the heat and my room was so small that i needed to step over her to get off my bed - no other way of getting off my bed. It was also dark at night so I didn't think she'd see.

I do wonder if I might have done something else in my sleep (i.e. stand up whilst naked)... yikes!

Did I SA her (even if I didn't mean to)?

There are loads of gaps so please ask if you have any questions.

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as a woman, no. Accidents happen, I can understand she may feel uncomfortable but sexual assault would be more provocative touching and none of what you described seems to be so.
Ofc idk the full story and she might see things differently :smile: perhaps having a mature conversation would put you both at ease?
Yes this is sexual assault you may get a visit from the police I'm sorry
Under section 3(1)(a) of the Sexual Offences Act 2003, you have to intentionally touch person B. Flinging your erect penis onto her knee would be intentional touching, but that doesn't seem to be the principal issue here it's the pre-ejaculatory fluid. The fact you say that you didn't intend to the release pre-ejaculatory fluid means that this would seem to be a defence to any accusation of sexual assault.

Whilst it would arguably be negligent, this is not enough to satisfy the aforementioned section of the act and therefore I would find it highly unlikely that you have contravened the Sexual Offences Act 2003.

Please note: I am not a lawyer, this is not legal advice, this is merely my opinion based on the facts that you have given.
On a serious note this has to be a troll
Original post by Anonymous
On a serious note this has to be a troll

seems very detailed for it to be a troll.
Original post by Anonymous
seems very detailed for it to be a troll.

Could be fabricated the story
Original post by Anonymous
Could be fabricated the story

Could be, but I'm not too sure.
Original post by Anonymous
Could be, but I'm not too sure.

It just looks too fabricated to be true I think it's just an elaborate troll
Reply 9
I'm pretty sure this has been posted before and you got a wide range of answers...
Reply 10
Original post by TJ1997
I'm pretty sure this has been posted before and you got a wide range of answers...

It has, at least twice, and there is an ongoing police investigation, from what i can gather.
Original post by Anonymous
On a serious note this has to be a troll


Thanks for your responses guys. I really appreciate it. I'll post a link to the full thing soon.

I'm not a troll - I'm a medical student who is worried about losing my ability to practise as a doctor in the future! I thought I had consent to touch and only realised afterwards that she felt violated. I've been interviewed by the police and it will take a few months to hear back. My (ex) friend is convinced that it was malicious and she panicked and blocked me after I apologised. The first formal investigation was okay but this police one is a second one.

The duty solicitor thought it should be fine because I had reason to think that it was consensual but the police officer seemed to set out to get a confession/admission out of me. I am still sorry for the misunderstanding but it wasn't intentional and I'd never intentionally hurt someone.

Once again, I really appreciate the replies. This was 5 months ago now and it's affected my social life somewhat. i'm trying not to resent her for claiming that there were other victims when it's not true and for claiming that it was intentional without actually speaking to me.

It's just so heartbreaking seeing close friends distance themselves from me as a result of this.
Original post by Surnia
It has, at least twice, and there is an ongoing police investigation, from what i can gather.

I didn't realise that both of my previous submissions had gone up! I posted a full version and then a short version titled 'Was this?' (forgot to finish the sentence). This is an even shorter version.

I re-educated myself on consent soon after being accused, but I'm still not sure if whether it's sexual assault if there was reasonable belief of consent. I'm being told by many that I accidentally sexually assaulted her.
Reply 13
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for your responses guys. I really appreciate it. I'll post a link to the full thing soon.

I'm not a troll - I'm a medical student who is worried about losing my ability to practise as a doctor in the future! I thought I had consent to touch and only realised afterwards that she felt violated. I've been interviewed by the police and it will take a few months to hear back. My (ex) friend is convinced that it was malicious and she panicked and blocked me after I apologised. The first formal investigation was okay but this police one is a second one.

The duty solicitor thought it should be fine because I had reason to think that it was consensual but the police officer seemed to set out to get a confession/admission out of me. I am still sorry for the misunderstanding but it wasn't intentional and I'd never intentionally hurt someone.

Once again, I really appreciate the replies. This was 5 months ago now and it's affected my social life somewhat. i'm trying not to resent her for claiming that there were other victims when it's not true and for claiming that it was intentional without actually speaking to me.

It's just so heartbreaking seeing close friends distance themselves from me as a result of this.

You've already posted this, at least twice.

There is a police investigation. It's possible people could recognise this girl's identity from what you are posting, especially if you put more detail, and it's illegal for you to do that. I suggest you stay off social media and let the system do its job. Does your solicitor know you are posting on here? I bet they wouldn't be happy about it.
I think you’ve already made a thread about this.
Original post by Surnia
You've already posted this, at least twice.

There is a police investigation. It's possible people could recognise this girl's identity from what you are posting, especially if you put more detail, and it's illegal for you to do that. I suggest you stay off social media and let the system do its job. Does your solicitor know you are posting on here? I bet they wouldn't be happy about it.

Hey Surnia, thanks for the input. I didn't realise that it was illegal to post about it (is it really?). I've not been given any conditions by the police, but I hopefully haven't given away sufficient details to reveal her identity. I just had to get advice on it because I find it so consuming.

The interview with police was an optional one where they said I could leave at any time. I'm no longer in touch with a solicitor.
Reply 16
Original post by Synnic
Right, you said she touched your **** and then you flung it on her knee and a little juice came out. My question to you is didn't your friend first assault you?

The story is it was consensual touching, though why anyone would do that with some random girl who shares your house and you allege has MH issues is another thing altogether.
Original post by Synnic
Right, you said she touched your **** and then you flung it on her knee and a little juice came out. My question to you is didn't your friend first assault you?

Her touching me was consensual - I had no issue with it (though I'd change this decision if I could go back in time). I did, however hearing from someone that she was apparently afraid of being attacked but I'd never attack anyone - ever. I didn't even argue with her in the 15 months of friendship.
Reply 18
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for your responses guys. I really appreciate it. I'll post a link to the full thing soon.

I'm not a troll - I'm a medical student who is worried about losing my ability to practise as a doctor in the future! I thought I had consent to touch and only realised afterwards that she felt violated. I've been interviewed by the police and it will take a few months to hear back. My (ex) friend is convinced that it was malicious and she panicked and blocked me after I apologised. The first formal investigation was okay but this police one is a second one.

The duty solicitor thought it should be fine because I had reason to think that it was consensual but the police officer seemed to set out to get a confession/admission out of me. I am still sorry for the misunderstanding but it wasn't intentional and I'd never intentionally hurt someone.

Once again, I really appreciate the replies. This was 5 months ago now and it's affected my social life somewhat. i'm trying not to resent her for claiming that there were other victims when it's not true and for claiming that it was intentional without actually speaking to me.

It's just so heartbreaking seeing close friends distance themselves from me as a result of this.


rubbish.

The police don't sit twiddling their thumbs for 5 months over whether to charge someone or not.
Also the whole story was ridiculous. girl touches your penis then you slap it on her knee and are facing multiple investigations for sexual assault?

the fact that she just touched your penis would negate the slapping her knee with it.
Original post by Surnia
The story is it was consensual touching, though why anyone would do that with some random girl who shares your house and you allege has MH issues is another thing altogether.

ahh she wasn't sharing the house with me. She had her own flat 10 minutes away but we'd been co-habiting for 10 weeks during lockdown (sharing both our flat) and there was some flirtation in the lead up to this. I also didn't realise the full extent of her MH issues and I don't think she had either. I'd known her for 15 months.

I thought that I was a rare safe space/person for her to explore her sexuality with.
We were at the same uni together and we had things in common.

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