can a person change

ive hurt a lot of people and i haven't always been the best person to my friends or others and i think most of them realised that and have decided to cut me off. i am not upset and i do not resent them because i would do the same thing. but i don't want to put anyone through that again i want to change.

is change really possible? or will I always be this unthoughtful person :/

(disclaimer the things I did weren't vindictive just your typical high school drama im 16 by the way)

Reply 1

bethwantsdeath

12

yes people can change if theyre willing to. the first step to that is recognising that what you did was wrong and hurtful, which you have.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by bethwantsdeath

yes people can change if theyre willing to. the first step to that is recognising that what you did was wrong and hurtful, which you have.

thank you I don't want to be this hurtful person anymore and it makes it so much worse because every time i did something inconsiderate it was always subconsciously and never intentionally. so its a lot harder i think i just have to stop and think sometimes :/

Reply 3

Creativesilence

9

I always thought as a kid "they never change" as for a kid like me growing up with a violent dad and a mother whos very negative and damaged who promised they will change but never did thats why i always go by actions but it is possible to change some people find it hard if they either go through mental health or through bad trauma as kid or something happened in the past which changed them and they think they always been like that but really they dont remember the person you used to be, i get that i can be like my mum sometimes it would freak me out coz deep down i wasnt like that and it werent me and after my mate passed away when i was 13 i was never the same it made me realise what really was going on around me and gave me a reality check, there is a reason why people are how they are its what they been through.
I dont know your past or whats happened or what you did to the people you think you hurt Or let down so its hard for me to figure out why you feel this way i can admit not everyone changes but you got to make an effort and you are willing to prove to people that you can changed

Reply 4

TreeFellOnMe

15

Original post by Anonymous

ive hurt a lot of people and i haven't always been the best person to my friends or others and i think most of them realised that and have decided to cut me off. i am not upset and i do not resent them because i would do the same thing. but i don't want to put anyone through that again i want to change.

is change really possible? or will I always be this unthoughtful person :/

(disclaimer the things I did weren't vindictive just your typical high school drama im 16 by the way)

It is not something you yourself can force through willpower alone, you will only change as much as you need to meet your needs. Either accept that this is who you are or change your lifestyle in ways that would challenge you and require you to step up and change.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Creativesilence

I always thought as a kid "they never change" as for a kid like me growing up with a violent dad and a mother whos very negative and damaged who promised they will change but never did thats why i always go by actions but it is possible to change some people find it hard if they either go through mental health or through bad trauma as kid or something happened in the past which changed them and they think they always been like that but really they dont remember the person you used to be, i get that i can be like my mum sometimes it would freak me out coz deep down i wasnt like that and it werent me and after my mate passed away when i was 13 i was never the same it made me realise what really was going on around me and gave me a reality check, there is a reason why people are how they are its what they been through.
I dont know your past or whats happened or what you did to the people you think you hurt Or let down so its hard for me to figure out why you feel this way i can admit not everyone changes but you got to make an effort and you are willing to prove to people that you can changed

thank you for sharing your story and i’m so sorry you had to go through that.

in terms of my past i don’t have the best relationships with my parents, i’ve been through a lot of betrayal and an intense breakup. but the thing is i feel like because of my age what i’ve been through is nothing compared to what other people have. but it’s sad cos it still affected me.

and honestly i don’t think they will think i can change but i don’t care it’s not for them it’s for me. i don’t want to be a hurtful person. i want to make people happy and like i said it’s so difficult because eveyrbung hurrful i did was subconsciously

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by TreeFellOnMe

It is not something you yourself can force through willpower alone, you will only change as much as you need to meet your needs. Either accept that this is who you are or change your lifestyle in ways that would challenge you and require you to step up and change.

wdym change your lifestyle?

Reply 7

Pathway

20

Yes, change and growth is possible. It will take time, and a lot of self introspection and working on yourself (perhaps even with therapy), but definitely possible.