Asexuality.

I met this girl recently. A few days ago she said she was asexual. I asked her when she decided (not knowing what asexuality was), and she says she's always been like this. I used to say I was asexual, but it was because I just didn't have the courage to find a girlfriend, I wondered if she is like this.

I think we're both good friends, we just clicked on the first day. I really want it to go further, but I doubt it can. I don't know how she feels.

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

Anonymous

I met this girl recently. A few days ago she said she was asexual. I asked her when she decided (not knowing what asexuality was), and she says she's always been like this. I used to say I was asexual, but it was because I just didn't have the courage to find a girlfriend, I wondered if she is like this.

I think we're both good friends, we just clicked on the first day. I really want it to go further, but I doubt it can. I don't know how she feels.

I say "not knowing what asexuality was", I meant I didn't realise it wasn't a choice. A quick google when I got back helped.

Reply 2

emmarainbow

12

I'm asexual and it doesn't mean you can't form a strong relationship! To realise you're ase takes a degree of self-awareness, and hopefully she won't be an emotional idiot. Thus, the best advice is to talk to her.

Ase people are often a bit scared of the situation going out of our control - I like to know that everyone knows my boundaries and is very aware of them! Tell her that you think she's really amazing and you'd like to spend more time with her, and that you're aware she's asexual - what does this mean for her? If she's not sure (I didn't for a long time) tell her you'll follow her lead, even if it is 'we'll be friends, spend a lot of time together and not think about this again for a couple of months' - I have to be good friends with someone before I can consider being a partner, but then I'm a terrible romantic! Just make sure you both communicate a lot! It's nerve wracking to allow someone to know exactly how you feel and what you want, but it's a really good idea to do that to help make a relationship work.

Good luck!

Reply 3

J-E-N-O-V-A

I wonder how many really fit asexual people there are...

Reply 4

emmarainbow

12

J-E-N-O-V-A

I wonder how many really fit asexual people there are...

Since it's an orientation, presumably as likely to be fit as anyone else. I'm not the most stunning individual myself but I do get offers. I just take advantage of strangers buying me drinks and stay with my friends. :smile:

Reply 5

goodmen

13

asexual? I'm sorry if this offends anyone but what an absolute load of rubbish.

Reply 6

fluffybunnyindahouse

Could someone explain to me what it actually means to be asexual? I think I might be but im not exactly sure. I have been in quite a few situations where sex is the obvious next step but then realised that I didnt feel like it at all so have never done it. I love close body contact like hugs and kisses but dont find actual sex remotely appealing. Is this being asexual or am I just wierd in my own way?

Reply 7

ForMyOwnGain

J-E-N-O-V-A

I wonder how many really fit asexual people there are...

None.

Reply 8

Nanukem

asexual hmmm sounds like the new flavor of the week

Reply 9

Nanukem

Anonymous

I met this girl recently. A few days ago she said she was asexual. I asked her when she decided (not knowing what asexuality was), and she says she's always been like this. I used to say I was asexual, but it was because I just didn't have the courage to find a girlfriend, I wondered if she is like this.

I think we're both good friends, we just clicked on the first day. I really want it to go further, but I doubt it can. I don't know how she feels.

Give it time..she'll come out of the closet

Reply 10

-Em-

2

goodmen

asexual? I'm sorry if this offends anyone but what an absolute load of rubbish.

Care to elaborate?

And to the thread in general, could you please stop dismissing an orientation you clearly have no real-world or even textbook experience of? If you're going to be constructively critical, fine, but a one-liner conveys very little positive about your personality and aptitude for intellectual enquiry.

Reply 11

Nanukem

fluffybunnyindahouse

Could someone explain to me what it actually means to be asexual? I think I might be but im not exactly sure. I have been in quite a few situations where sex is the obvious next step but then realised that I didnt feel like it at all so have never done it. I love close body contact like hugs and kisses but dont find actual sex remotely appealing. Is this being asexual or am I just wierd in my own way?

Yes you are

Reply 12

Spotty Dog

15

J-E-N-O-V-A

I wonder how many really fit asexual people there are...

I wouldn't say I was terrible. :rolleyes:

There is nothing wrong with trying for a relationship with an asexual - It takes a LOT of work, but it is totally doable. :smile:

Reply 13

Psyk

16

Spotty Dog

There is nothing wrong with trying for a relationship with an asexual - It takes a LOT of work, but it is totally doable. :smile:

I'd say the lack of sex is something wrong with it, coming from the point of view of someone who isn't asexual.

Reply 14

Nanukem

I'm asexual....now i'm not

Reply 15

Spotty Dog

15

Psyk

I'd say the lack of sex is something wrong with it, coming from the point of view of someone who isn't asexual.

It all depends on what you judge as right and wrong in a relationship - And as right and wrong are generally subjective opinions anyway... :p:

At the end of the day, it works for some people and doesn't for others - What have you actually got to lose by going for it? Nothing.

Reply 16

Eien

16

You never know what can happen - some people label themselves as asexual as they are not particularly comfortable or bothered about sex, or have other reasons for not liking actual sex, whereas some people may just simply be simply asexual and wired that way. That is not to say that any kind of romantic relationship can't be attained, it's just that the asexual person may not be into all the 'bed' stuff'.

Reply 17

Spotty Dog

15

Eien

You never know what can happen - some people label themselves as asexual as they are not particularly comfortable or bothered about sex, or have other reasons for not liking actual sex, whereas some people may just simply be simply asexual and wired that way. That is not to say that any kind of romantic relationship can't be attained, it's just that the asexual person may not be into all the 'bed' stuff'.

This. 100% this.

Reply 18

Psyk

16

Spotty Dog

At the end of the day, it works for some people and doesn't for others - What have you actually got to lose by going for it? Nothing.

Well I'm sure it works for some people, but for me it would be doomed to fail. Better to avoid the heartbreak and no start the relationship in the first place. It would never feel like a complete relationship to me anyway.

Reply 19

-Em-

2

Psyk

Well I'm sure it works for some people, but for me it would be doomed to fail. Better to avoid the heartbreak and no start the relationship in the first place. It would never feel like a complete relationship to me anyway.

Much as any other relationship with someone with whom you didn't click would. It's nothing particular about asexuality which is the problem here, it's just an instance of the standard reason you wouldn't start a relationship with someone.

Asexuality.

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