Living separate after living together

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anonymousbanana
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Hi, me and my bf currently live together in a house and got together whilst living together. I think that its best to be safe and live separately next year just in case - how do I have this conversation with him without offending him?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by anonymousbanana)
Hi, me and my bf currently live together in a house and got together whilst living together. I think that its best to be safe and live separately next year just in case - how do I have this conversation with him without offending him?
'Best' 'Safe' and 'just in case'. Such a strange choice of words. Did you just default into the relationship because you were house sharing? Do you want to break up with him? Because that's what these words sound like. If you really aren't certain then that's maybe a conversation you need, regardless of living arrangements.
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Anonymous #1
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And I think he'd have every right to be hurt or offended.
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anonymousbanana
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(Original post by Anonymous)
'Best' 'Safe' and 'just in case'. Such a strange choice of words. Did you just default into the relationship because you were house sharing? Do you want to break up with him? Because that's what these words sound like. If you really aren't certain then that's maybe a conversation you need, regardless of living arrangements.
I don’t want to break up with him for sure, I love him very much! But we live alone this year and would be planning on living with others next year which I feel would be difficult.
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(Original post by anonymousbanana)
I don’t want to break up with him for sure, I love him very much! But we live alone this year and would be planning on living with others next year which I feel would be difficult.
I can get that singles and couples tend to live different lives, but it seems strange priorities to put the convenience of living with a bunch of other people above your relationship. If you (or he) wants to live alone then that can be OK if there's good reasons - studying in different cities, working away, or even those long term relationships where people retain separate places - but to change from together to apart 'just because' may not convince him. Why did you chose these living arrangements for next year?
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anonymousbanana
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I can get that singles and couples tend to live different lives, but it seems strange priorities to put the convenience of living with a bunch of other people above your relationship. If you (or he) wants to live alone then that can be OK if there's good reasons - studying in different cities, working away, or even those long term relationships where people retain separate places - but to change from together to apart 'just because' may not convince him. Why did you chose these living arrangements for next year?
We were not together at the start of the tenancy, but we have liked eachother for a while and got together since. We don’t know what is going to happen in the future and things will most likely be fine because things are great at the moment but we don’t know that. I don’t want to create a difficult living situation for us and other people that we live with if things were to go sour.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by anonymousbanana)
We were not together at the start of the tenancy, but we have liked eachother for a while and got together since. We don’t know what is going to happen in the future and things will most likely be fine because things are great at the moment but we don’t know that. I don’t want to create a difficult living situation for us and other people that we live with if things were to go sour.
Depends how much the relationship means to you I guess. But I think you might have trouble convincing your bf about your concerns without equally communicating that you're having doubts about the relationship. Why aren't you concerned about really missing living with him?
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YaliaV123
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I would find living together at such an early stage a bit suffocating myself, but obviously don’t use that word when you’re talking to him. What exactly are your reasons for wanting to live apart?
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anonymousbanana
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(Original post by YaliaV123)
I would find living together at such an early stage a bit suffocating myself, but obviously don’t use that word when you’re talking to him. What exactly are your reasons for wanting to live apart?
We live in a student house at the moment, it’s just us two so it’s fine! But I think that next year given how early we are in the relationship we should have separate places just in case things don’t go to plan and then we would be living in a horrible living situation. I don’t envisage things going wrong but given that we are both only 21 we have the rest of our lives to live together.
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YaliaV123
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(Original post by anonymousbanana)
We live in a student house at the moment, it’s just us two so it’s fine! But I think that next year given how early we are in the relationship we should have separate places just in case things don’t go to plan and then we would be living in a horrible living situation. I don’t envisage things going wrong but given that we are both only 21 we have the rest of our lives to live together.
Just be honest without being brutal. If your relationship can’t withstand this, then it isn’t worth anything anyway. When is your contract up?
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anonymousbanana
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Depends how much the relationship means to you I guess. But I think you might have trouble convincing your bf about your concerns without equally communicating that you're having doubts about the relationship. Why aren't you concerned about really missing living with him?
Just because we live in separate places on paper doesn’t mean that we won’t see eachother in my eyes. We can be round each others houses most days but I feel that having a place of our own may be useful and help things to potentially feel less intense when we are both studying for exams.
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anonymousbanana
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(Original post by YaliaV123)
Just be honest without being brutal. If your relationship can’t withstand this, then it isn’t worth anything anyway. When is your contract up?
The end of June...
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Final Fantasy
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Tbh it sounds like you don’t have a lot of confidence in your current relationship and wanna try out other guys. Best to just rip that bandaid sooner than later before you make new living arrangements. He won’t take it well but at least you’ll be free to go for a real man. 👍
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anonymousbanana
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(Original post by Final Fantasy)
Tbh it sounds like you don’t have a lot of confidence in your current relationship and wanna try out other guys. Best to just rip that bandaid sooner than later before you make new living arrangements. He won’t take it well but at least you’ll be free to go for a real man. 👍
This isn’t the case at all, I love him very much and am very happy with him. But since we got together whilst living together there is now the risk of us breaking up further down the line for any reason and I feel that it would be better from a tenancy point of view to have separate places next year in case that were to happen
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Final Fantasy
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(Original post by anonymousbanana)
This isn’t the case at all, I love him very much and am very happy with him. But since we got together whilst living together there is now the risk of us breaking up further down the line for any reason and I feel that it would be better from a tenancy point of view to have separate places next year in case that were to happen
Well call it what you want lol but you obviously need a real man. Not some whiny crybaby who needs you to mother him at home. So yeah just end the relationship and be free to enjoy your uni years while it lasts. Life is very different than once you enter the world of full-time work. Maybe you can hook up with him again afterwards when you need some stability and responsibility in your life after uni when you gotta earn a living. It’s a win win for you. 😊
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anonymousbanana
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(Original post by Final Fantasy)
Well call it what you want lol but you obviously need a real man. Not some whiny crybaby who needs you to mother him at home. So yeah just end the relationship and be free to enjoy your uni years while it lasts. Life is very different than once you enter the world of full-time work. Maybe you can hook up with him again afterwards when you need some stability and responsibility in your life after uni when you gotta earn a living. It’s a win win for you. 😊
Not to be rude but I don’t mother him? We are housemates that are now together?
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Londeka19
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i think it is safe to say you just don'nt like the commitment of living with your boyfriend you dont get your alone time its always the two of you! you want to date him but at the end of the day you want to go back your place. from another point of view you dont see your future with you do like but you dont think it will last
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YaliaV123
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(Original post by Final Fantasy)
Tbh it sounds like you don’t have a lot of confidence in your current relationship and wanna try out other guys. Best to just rip that bandaid sooner than later before you make new living arrangements. He won’t take it well but at least you’ll be free to go for a real man. 👍
Are you a REAL man? 😘
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Final Fantasy
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(Original post by YaliaV123)
Are you a REAL man? 😘
Yeah I am. I know how to treat a lady and put her in her place. You interested?
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YaliaV123
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(Original post by Final Fantasy)
Yeah I am. I know how to treat a lady and put her in her place. You interested?
No thanks.
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