Are my standards too high?

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Anonymous #1
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I've been single for 2 years now. I would like to be in a relationship again. I've had a few interactions with girls within the last year and a half or so, those I've met through friends and at concerts, but mostly through online dating. I do wonder if I'm expecting too much of women though, and maybe my standards are too high.

I guess these are my standards/values:

Communication
Ambitious
Wants children eventually
Similar interests to me
Physically - 'little extra meat" (not too skinny, not too fat), and shorter than me

Communication:
I want someone who can hold a conversation. It's really attractive to me to have deep and meaningful conversations. Not everybodys glued to their phones but I don't want to be waiting over 2 days for a reply to texts either. I used to get really frustrated with people (girls and friends) taking ages to reply but I'm getting better with that.

Ambitious: I'm really ambitious and I want to see that in someone. That can manifest in many ways. They may want to get an education, succeed in their career, charity work, etc. I just can't be with someone with no long term goals.

Wants children eventually:
Perhaps a big one. I do want children one day. That being said, I certainly don't want to rush it. I wouldn't want to bring children into the world if I wasn't mentally, emotionally or financially able to.

Similar interests to me:
I love music (metal) and going to live gigs (pandemic permitting), playing in my band, pro wrestling, retro gaming, exercise/fitness (powerlifting), cooking (I'm vegetarian), philosophy and psychology.. It'd be nice to find someone with at least some similar interests. I think it's important for someone to have their own interests too.

Physically:
I guess I find the 'bottom heavy' girls the most attractive (thighs, bum, hips). I don't really have a preference for eye or hair colour/style, or anything like that. It's hard to quantify, but there has to be some physical attraction. I'm about 5'9-10 so average height I guess. I'm no bodybuilder but no overweight couch potato.. Just somewhere in the middle, with a bit of a belly. I have glasses, long hair and a beard. Which is like marmite I'll admit.

What are your thoughts?
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Nialler x
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Good luck finding someone with them expectations :mmm:
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_gcx
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>big titty goth gf

jk

no not really, these seem like fairly normal expectations. in particular don't compromise on them because you feel you have to.
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dukey2323
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been single for 2 years now. I would like to be in a relationship again. I've had a few interactions with girls within the last year and a half or so, those I've met through friends and at concerts, but mostly through online dating. I do wonder if I'm expecting too much of women though, and maybe my standards are too high.

I guess these are my standards/values:

Communication
Ambitious
Wants children eventually
Similar interests to me
Physically - 'little extra meat" (not too skinny, not too fat), and shorter than me

Communication:
I want someone who can hold a conversation. It's really attractive to me to have deep and meaningful conversations. Not everybodys glued to their phones but I don't want to be waiting over 2 days for a reply to texts either. I used to get really frustrated with people (girls and friends) taking ages to reply but I'm getting better with that.

Ambitious: I'm really ambitious and I want to see that in someone. That can manifest in many ways. They may want to get an education, succeed in their career, charity work, etc. I just can't be with someone with no long term goals.

Wants children eventually:
Perhaps a big one. I do want children one day. That being said, I certainly don't want to rush it. I wouldn't want to bring children into the world if I wasn't mentally, emotionally or financially able to.

Similar interests to me:
I love music (metal) and going to live gigs (pandemic permitting), playing in my band, pro wrestling, retro gaming, exercise/fitness (powerlifting), cooking (I'm vegetarian), philosophy and psychology.. It'd be nice to find someone with at least some similar interests. I think it's important for someone to have their own interests too.

Physically:
I guess I find the 'bottom heavy' girls the most attractive (thighs, bum, hips). I don't really have a preference for eye or hair colour/style, or anything like that. It's hard to quantify, but there has to be some physical attraction. I'm about 5'9-10 so average height I guess. I'm no bodybuilder but no overweight couch potato.. Just somewhere in the middle, with a bit of a belly. I have glasses, long hair and a beard. Which is like marmite I'll admit.

What are your thoughts?
I think you’re overthinking it buddy... Let’s really break down and simplify everything you’ve just said: you want a girl you’re physically attracted to, who can hold a conversation with you, and has similar interests and values as you do.

I think that’s pretty much everyone’s expectations
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Nialler x)
Good luck finding someone with them expectations :mmm:
Really? Am I asking too much?
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Anonymous #1
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No
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Nialler x
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Really? Am I asking too much?
Looking back at it and seeing what others have said, no you're not but you've made it seem like you're asking for a lot
You'll find someone, dw
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Anonymous #1
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Thats fair. I'm not expecting someone to be into all the things I am. That's not possible. 1 or 2 mutual interests would be nice.
My ex loved watching amine and loved comic cons. I didn't really but I'd watch the odd series with her and we went to a comic con together once and it was a lot of fun. So I'm open minded to other things
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black tea
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I think your expectations are quite OK. I personally believe that it is better to be single than to be in a relationship with someone who is very different to you just for the sake of being in a relationship. And you have basically described what most people I associate with are like so there is really nothing outrageous in your expectations.

The only things I will say is don't get too caught up in finding someone who shares all of your interests - as long as you have something in common, it's absolutely fine to have separate interests and to spend time with other people to pursue them, and you might find that find some of her interests interesting or develop new ones together.
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Wired_1800
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been single for 2 years now. I would like to be in a relationship again. I've had a few interactions with girls within the last year and a half or so, those I've met through friends and at concerts, but mostly through online dating. I do wonder if I'm expecting too much of women though, and maybe my standards are too high.

I guess these are my standards/values:

Communication
Ambitious
Wants children eventually
Similar interests to me
Physically - 'little extra meat" (not too skinny, not too fat), and shorter than me

Communication:
I want someone who can hold a conversation. It's really attractive to me to have deep and meaningful conversations. Not everybodys glued to their phones but I don't want to be waiting over 2 days for a reply to texts either. I used to get really frustrated with people (girls and friends) taking ages to reply but I'm getting better with that.

Ambitious: I'm really ambitious and I want to see that in someone. That can manifest in many ways. They may want to get an education, succeed in their career, charity work, etc. I just can't be with someone with no long term goals.

Wants children eventually:
Perhaps a big one. I do want children one day. That being said, I certainly don't want to rush it. I wouldn't want to bring children into the world if I wasn't mentally, emotionally or financially able to.

Similar interests to me:
I love music (metal) and going to live gigs (pandemic permitting), playing in my band, pro wrestling, retro gaming, exercise/fitness (powerlifting), cooking (I'm vegetarian), philosophy and psychology.. It'd be nice to find someone with at least some similar interests. I think it's important for someone to have their own interests too.

Physically:
I guess I find the 'bottom heavy' girls the most attractive (thighs, bum, hips). I don't really have a preference for eye or hair colour/style, or anything like that. It's hard to quantify, but there has to be some physical attraction. I'm about 5'9-10 so average height I guess. I'm no bodybuilder but no overweight couch potato.. Just somewhere in the middle, with a bit of a belly. I have glasses, long hair and a beard. Which is like marmite I'll admit.

What are your thoughts?
“little extra meat” - :crown:
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Pugglet
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Scary looking at that and seeing I match half of it.... lawd help me
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by black tea)
I think your expectations are quite OK. I personally believe that it is better to be single than to be in a relationship with someone who is very different to you just for the sake of being in a relationship. And you have basically described what most people I associate with are like so there is really nothing outrageous in your expectations.

The only things I will say is don't get too caught up in finding someone who shares all of your interests - as long as you have something in common, it's absolutely fine to have separate interests and to spend time with other people to pursue them, and you might find that find some of her interests interesting or develop new ones together.
You're right. Being into all the same things just isn't realistic. That's why I said some and it's nice to have you're own too. I should have been more clear
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gjd800
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I don't think there is much wrong with any of that
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Pugglet)
Scary looking at that and seeing I match half of it.... lawd help me
Why scary?
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Anonymous #1
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Thanks for everyone who's commented.
I get what you're all saying about having mutual/shared interests and the importance of being flexible on that.
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*****deadness
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for everyone who's commented.
I get what you're all saying about having mutual/shared interests and the importance of being flexible on that.
Having your preferences is a great thing. You don't want to be stuck with someone you won't actually love. Of course it'll take longer for someone to check all the boxes. Bear in mind things like communication and ambition can change, so they might be shy and inarticulate at first but if you get to know them they might be just right for you, on the other hand wanting children and physical size is less variable.
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londonmyst
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Not too high.
Most of my female friends operate/used to have even more dating dealbreakers and have no trouble meeting reasonable dates.
Mostly involving: accent, age, being positive towards a close extended family, career aspirations, compatible standard of living, driving, non-smoker, no criminal record, educational background, profession, religion, tribe/caste and national citizenship.
I date with an age gap and have a very long list of dating dealbreakers plus preferences.
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Pugglet
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Why scary?
Just is
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
Mostly involving: accent, age, being positive towards a close extended family, career aspirations, compatible standard of living, driving, non-smoker, no criminal record, educational background, profession, religion, tribe/caste and national citizenship.
I date with an age gap and have a very long list of dating dealbreakers plus preferences.
Some of those seem reasonable. Like religion (it's not going to work if someone if atheist and another is devout Catholic) seem reasonable. Some I think are a little picky though. Like education... Not everyone wants to go to university, for example, and do very well without a degree.

What are some of your dealbreakers, if you don't mind me asking?
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londonmyst
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Some of those seem reasonable. Like religion (it's not going to work if someone if atheist and another is devout Catholic) seem reasonable. Some I think are a little picky though. Like education... Not everyone wants to go to university, for example, and do very well without a degree.

What are some of your dealbreakers, if you don't mind me asking?
My father is noisy militant atheist and my mother a very conservative catholic, she was disinherited & almost got beaten to death by her ultra-traditionalist family.
Some female friends will only date guys with postgrads or doctorates.

Here are my top 25 dating deal-breakers:

1) No bellowing/habitual noise nuisances.
2) No porn guys.
3) No religious zealots or theonomy supporters.
4) No dogma fanatics, sjw's or militant atheists.
5) No thugs.
6) No illegal drugs.
7) No mother's boys/family value is everything types.
8) No gym guys/bodybuilders/health lifestyle obsessives.
9) No sexual kinks involving polyamory/rape fantasy/violence/threesomes/oral/anal/period sex/feet.
10) No dog haters or guys with cynophobia.
11) No divorced guys.
12) No guys with children or a spouse.
13) No STEM or sports studies graduates.
14) No PhDs.
15) No guys obsessed with Israel, zionism, jews, the nwo, the holocaust, Hitler or David Irving.
16) No bald guys.
17) No guys with facial hair or long hair.
18) No guys that require daily medication.
19) No pacifists or anti-abortion absolutists, abortion protesters or financial backers of anti-abortion groups.
20) No immigration lawyers, aid workers or volunteers involved with illegal immigrants.
21) Strictly no scorpios.
22) No guys that want multiple children.
23) No fans of: David Berg, David Duke, Donald Spitz, Mark Collett, Nick Griffin, Nathuram Godse, Richard Spencer, Roosh V, Volkert van der Graaf.
24) No guys that say the n word or type it over social media.
25) No guys that carry any knives outside for "protection" or trying to look like mafia types.
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