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I hate my parents.

PLEASE keep anon, people from school use this forum and I don;'t want them knowing all of this is going on.

Hate is a strong word, but its the only word I can use to describe my feelings towards my close family. They never trust me, and they have no faith in me. I'm in year 13, and compared to the rest of my family did really well at AS Levels, and I'm planning to go to university next year.
My family didn't go to good universtiies, but they want me to apply to where they went, because its local and I DONT HAVE TO MOVE OUT.
This pisses me off, they're telling me that "you cant apply to XXXX uni, we wont let you, you are not mature. stop talking about moving to XXXX uni, just shut up we're not letting you go."
I want to go, but I'd then pretty much be cutting off all ties with my family (not a bad thing) but they wouldn't support me financially. Which is a bummer.
What do I do?
It's just got worse, today I just broke down in tears because they have no faith in me. They don't listen to me or my opinions. My mother keeps telling me her life was so much better without me, my sisters just laugh at me and back my parents, and I can't actually cope.
I need to move out, but I'm not allowed. What do I do?
I just want to die to be honest, my family constantly put me down, it's constant and I just don't knw what to do.
I can't sleep at night because their horrific insults are just going through my head and I just urgh dunno.

Help.

Reply 1

pixiepeep

13

As soon as you're 18 you don't need their permission to do anything. Don't take what they give you at the minute for granted, but if they raise the issue again explain why you want to go to a better university. If they wont support you financially then speak to someone about getting a loan as an independant student - you may have to do this through your bank rather than the student loans people but it's still possible. I got no financial help from my parents because they couldn't afford it, but I had a job that paid my way through uni, and a rather large overdraft facility! It's totally do-able even if you have no financial support from family. Hopefully your family will understand why you want to move away to a better university, but if they don't there's no reason why you can't do it yourself!

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks, but how about in the run up to it? They mention uni all the time, how do I tell them that I'm moving out because then all the way up until I move out (this time nexty ear) they'll be moaning at me.
Their constant bullying is getting to me so much, I keep crying.
My teachers have noticed I'm behind with my work as well and so have my friends.

Reply 3

Misogynist

18

Anonymous

Thanks, but how about in the run up to it? They mention uni all the time, how do I tell them that I'm moving out because then all the way up until I move out (this time nexty ear) they'll be moaning at me.
Their constant bullying is getting to me so much, I keep crying.
My teachers have noticed I'm behind with my work as well and so have my friends.

Organise it all first, then break the news.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

But what do I do now?
I just never want to speak to them again, shall I just stop speaking to them? (even though I currently live with them)

Reply 5

Kabloomybuzz

19

Apply for whatever unis yu want.. apply to go away from home anyway.... they cant stop you. Like someone else said. Once you're 18 theres nothing they can do.

Reply 6

themagpies1

they can't stop you moving out. there is NOTHING they can do to stop you bar killing or paralysing you lol.

please apply where YOU want to do. it would be tragic if you didnt. you should get the best degree available to you. i suppose you could lie to them about what uni you are going to but that could be dodgy in the long term.

for your sake in the long run you must get away. if that means a tough year in the meantime i'd say it's worth it

Reply 7

Misogynist

18

Anonymous

But what do I do now?
I just never want to speak to them again, shall I just stop speaking to them? (even though I currently live with them)

Err, no. Speak to your bank, speak to the 'loan people' - find a university, get accommodation, then pack your bags and go 'Hey mum, hey dad. I'm gone, bye.'

Reply 8

littleshambles

14

Have you thought maybe telling your friends and teachers would be a good thing? They could give you some support and maybe the crap you're getting from your "family" wouldn't be quite as bad... Or at least slightly less intolerable...

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks guys, I'm just going to take the move myself, regardless of never speaking to them again.
Theres now the issue of carrying on living with them until I leave, I'm just going to stay in my room and never talk to them.
Sounds drastic but the things they say to me just theresn o point even trying to be nice to them.

Reply 10

Usman938

11

Listen to your heart, run with the wind.

Reply 11

Redpanda91

15

I think you need to talk to your parents. Like have a serious chat with them, tell them that it's your life and make it clear that you will move out and that they're not going to stop you doing anything you want to do. You have rights and they can't control you like this. In case you really have to move out before uni, do you have a friend to move to?

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Misogynist

Err, no. Speak to your bank, speak to the 'loan people' - find a university, get accommodation, then pack your bags and go 'Hey mum, hey dad. I'm gone, bye.'

Im in year 13, got one more year left until uni!

Reply 13

scraceus999

11

Maybe if you move out it will show them that you are seriously upset and they will realise the resentment you are feeling. You have the right to go to any uni you want to..... it is your life and future after all!!!

i think they are finding it hard to do the "let your child go" thing..... a lot of parents find it tough to just see their kid dissapear.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Redpanda91

I think you need to talk to your parents. Like have a serious chat with them, tell them that it's your life and make it clear that you will move out and that they're not going to stop you doing anything you want to do. You have rights and they can't control you like this. In case you really have to move out before uni, do you have a friend to move to?

I've had that chat, last week.
I sat them down, (with siblings there) and explained that I want to apply to these 5 unis, they didnt even let me finish and they started screaming their heads off sayign "NO WAY" etc etc. Then I started crying and they started saying how "weak" I am and thats why I cant move. Then I tried once more and they just said that I'm not going, your siblings didnt move so nore can you.
Then I just went to my room and cried.
(I sound like a wimp I know)

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

scraceus999

Maybe if you move out it will show them that you are seriously upset and they will realise the resentment you are feeling. You have the right to go to any uni you want to..... it is your life and future after all!!!

i think they are finding it hard to do the "let your child go" thing..... a lot of parents find it tough to just see their kid dissapear.

The sadder I feel, its clear they just seem to look at me as more and more of a joke. So they'd never realise how I felt, they'd acknowledge it and then just laugh at me or something.

Reply 16

abshirf2

1

Your thread title caught my eye and I just wanted to say: Be strong, mentally strong. Cry if you have to mate but realise that no one can do harm to you with just words, just listen and ignore. You know who you are and what you are capable of, don't let anyone make you think you are less than this. Full stop.

Plan

-Do well and go to the uni you want
-Financial Support, the Student Loans company will sort that out
-Don't worry about cutting ties with the family, they will respect you later on in life when you have achieved what you wanted to achieve
-Don't worry about telling them where you applied, just say your going to the uni they wanted you to go to, infact apply there to show proof
-when the time comes, leave, uni will help you sort out accomadation well before you leave

I hope the above helps, good luck :smile:

Reply 17

Zebrastripes

13

Have you ever talked to your parents about how you feel? As in how you feel they are bullying you into your choice of uni. Sometimes parents get it wrong, they think that going to a uni close to home is good for you. Maybe they are worried that you or they wont be able to afford for you to live away from home. Talk to them properly, and tell them how you feel and what you want to get out of university. If they don't think you are mature, tell them that living at home isn't going to help, as you need to be away from parents to grow up more and gain independence.

Reply 18

3tilley

Are you 18? If it is really that bad I was try and organise moving out sooner than Uni. Start off maybe staying with a good friend for a bit, or get a flat or something and try and persuade some friends to live in with you at least part time. It's not going to be easy as you will need a job to support yourself, but to be honest, after a few months away they will probably ask you to come back (on terms which you can dictate), or they won't, and since you hate them so much I am sure you will be overjoyed. If you go to Private school or you are not 18, life is a bit trickier, but I would still advise trying to get out before Uni. Put their Uni on your list to keep them happy until summer, you could even put it first on the list (doesn't actually mean anything) and then say you put it there because they were your first choice, and you had to fill it up with other choices, and were interested.

As for Uni, I am sure you will be applicable for all of the loans and grants as if you are living on your own your household income will be low, and as previously stated you can get a job and run up an overdraft.

Sorry to hear you are having so much trouble, but don't be a TSRer and moan about it, if it is that bad do something about it. Living on your own would be a lot of fun, but would be hard work.

Reply 19

Bril_idioot

2

Anonymous

Thanks, but how about in the run up to it? They mention uni all the time, how do I tell them that I'm moving out because then all the way up until I move out (this time nexty ear) they'll be moaning at me.
Their constant bullying is getting to me so much, I keep crying.
My teachers have noticed I'm behind with my work as well and so have my friends.

Do you see it as bullying or real mental abuse? Because if you're feeling mental abused and you know for sure you wouldn't mind breaking all family ties you could go to the police. It's very extreme, but if your really feeling mental abused it might be the only thing to do.

If you just feeling bullied you can tell them how their comments make you feel or try to find a psychiatrist with who you can talk about your problems.

I hate my parents.

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